Idon’tthink any part of this soundsappealing, but a good brownie neversays mean things.“Hmm,” I say as I scratch my chin.“Well, considering I’m the only one who reads your books, I thinkyou should just timesyour numberby ten.Three hundred and fortysounds likea good numberto me.Very believable.”
She frowns and looks at the baby, her eyes calculating.
I slide in between her and the bathtub with a carefree whistle.
Her eyes narrow.Then she rolls them in exasperation.“I’m not going to kill the baby, Arienna.”
“Thenwhy do you have her?”I ask.“Andwhy’sshein the bathtub?All the better to clean up the mess, hmmm?”
“Becauseit turns out babies are suicidal.Itakemy eye off her for one second, and she’s crawling for the stairs.Another moment and she’steething on one of my knives.”
“Why’dyoutellme not to get attached to herthen?”
“Because you get attached to everything,”Fabiasays in exasperation.“You watch a playor read a book, and you cry aboutit ending.”
“That’s very normal.”
“No, crying abouttheending, is normal.Notitending.But second point – whenever it rains, you go out searching for monsters.”
“But, Fabia, they’re miserable in the rain!It’s only right tobring them inside.”
“They aren’t miserable,” she says.“That’s where they live.They get more stressed when you kidnap them.”
“I don’tkidnapthem.I lure them in with my love and cuddles.”
She looks at me dryly.“They try to bite and scratch youwhen you pick them up to haul them away.”
“No.Those arekisses and hugs.They justdon’t realise they have teeth and claws.”
She rolls her eyes.“And anytimeyoukiss anyone,youthink they’reyour lifemate.”
I sigh dreamily.At the dawn of time, the gods split everyone’s souls in two and then tossed each half out across the Seven Planes for them to find.One of these days, I’m going to find mine.I just know it.
“And there you go being soppy again.”
The baby makes a cooing noise, and I break out into a smile.Turningaround,I pull a faceat her, and she laughs.“Are you sure we can’t keep her?I think she’s cute.”
“You think centipedes and spiders are cute,”Fabiasays as she scribbles on her notepad,her pencil scratching away at a page.“Yourmeterisbroken.”
“But theyarecute!Remember Jojica?”
She snorts.“You mean the massive hairy spider that attacked birds?The one who cocooned your dad in its web and nearly ate him?”
“Yeah!She had the cutest little face.All those eyes!”
“Eyesshe used tohunt downyour dad.”
I wave my handas I turn back to face her.“Death is a part of life.”I pause.“And besides, that would have been a nicer way for him to go.”
She cocks her head to the side, giving me that point.Dad might have died while having sex, but the verdict was still out on whether he’d been suffocated, drowned, or crushedwhen he got shoved up thattroll’s vagina.My money was on all three.
“Yet,you still made me get rid ofJojica,” I say sadly.
I can’t see Fabia’s eyesas she ducks her head back down, but I can tell she’s rolling them like a cup of dice.“She was amonster, Arienna.Maybe try having a normal pet.Like a rock or something.”
I wrinkle my nose.“Rocks are boring.”
“Rocks are amazing.Just touching, breathing, or lickingsome ofthem can lead to death.”She snort-chuckles.“You could say they’restone cold killers.”
