6
EVA
Damien didn’t underestimate me often, but when he did, I absolutelydelightedin tormenting him.
Even though I’d been out of practice for longer than I cared to admit, I’d completely obliterated him in the training ring. Successfully knocking him flat on his ass, much to my amusement. I stared down at the man kneeling and out of breath at my feet, my fighting stick pressed into his throat.
“Now talk,” I gritted out, as I slightly increased the pressure on his neck for the briefest moment. I stepped back, tossing the stick to the side and wiping my sweaty palms on the back of my pants. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed how Luka stood in the shadows, watching every move we made, ready to intervene if necessary.Stupid shadow.
The sun beat down on us with a cool spring breeze hung in the air, giving us a little reprieve from the harsh rays. Sometimes it was incredibly inconvenient to have the training ring located outside, but it was a necessary evil I’d learned to live with. Since we never knew what conditions we might end up fighting in, we needed to be prepared to handle all the elements that Mother Nature threw at us. Thankfully, as it was spring, the snow had melted months ago. I found out early on I’d rather fight in the heat than the frigid cold any day.
Damien dropped completely to the ground before curling up into a sitting position. He casually draped his hand over his knee, his other hand catching the towel I tossed in his direction to wipe his forehead clean of sweat. He looked like a damn god. If I wasn’t careful, I’d end up drooling over him for hours. It should be a crime for him to be shirtless in public. It let my mind wander to deep, dark places it should never go. Not that he was actually in public, per se, but this sight should only be reserved for private quarters.
“As you know, my father came in from Angoria early this morning. I warned you he was in an off mood…” he began.
“But you failed to tell me you knew why,” I interjected, folding my arms across my chest. It was tempting to let my eyesight drift down the planes of his torso, but I forced my gaze to remain on his face.
“Eva, you know how my father can be. He’s difficult and eccentric. I truly believed he was going to debrief your father regarding the… agenda. I assumed he had,” he said.
“You knew I wouldn’t know, though. You knewIwould be surprised by the information, even if you had thought that Orion had talked to my father. I’m not only pissed that my father didn’t know, and I can’t begin to comprehend the reason why he didn’t. I’m furious that I was blindsided as well.”
Rage bubbled up to the surface, my voice steadily rising as I continued my tirade. “I’m furious that you knew, and you didn’t tell me. Was I deemed so insignificant that it just slipped your mind? Or perhaps you didn’t even stop to think about the pain this would cause? You know better than anyone what Lachlan and The Horde took from me, from my family. Hell, even what he took from you!”
Tears threatened to slip from my eyes, and Damien just sat and stared at me in stunned silence. His face twisted into some unregistered emotion. “Damien, I can’t–”
He stood up, approaching me so fast that I stepped back to the edge of the ring in surprise, his hands resting on either side of my body.
“Do you really think I don’t understand what happened the night your mother died? Why you won’t let yourself get any closer to me than what we do? Some mindless fucking? You don’t think I know I lostyouthat night, or that I haven’t been fighting every godsdamn day since to not have you look at me the way you do? Full of regret?” He spat out. His breathing was hard, ragged. Years… Hell, centuries of pent-up emotions were crashing out between the both of us, forcing us to lay ourselves bare for each other.
I shook my head.No. I didn’t like to think about the reason that I had to race so hard to reach my mother, only to be too late. I’d been told to wait with her, but I was foolish and didn’t listen. Young and repulsive. It’s why I’ve worked so damn hard to make sure that I didn’t make the same mistake twice.
“If I had told you this morning that there was a chance, achanceEva, that The Horde was returning… You would have lost it. You wouldn’t have gone into the meeting at all. You would have set off on your own; no one and nothing could have stopped you. I would have lost you. Again. Just like I did after your mother died. I’ve fought to bring you back to life, to see some sort of spark back in your eyes, even though I knew it wouldn’t change anything for you.”
I could feel his breath on my cheeks as he panted. My face stained red from either embarrassment or anger–I couldn’t tell, my emotions were all becoming one. It was too much. This conversation was too much for me, I couldn’t do it. My resolve was slipping and there was only so much more that I could take.
“You haveneverbeen insignificant to me, and you never will be. I didn’t tell you to protect you, and I will never apologize for that, Eva. Nothing will make me apologize for protecting you.”
I tried to take in a deep breath, inhaling his intoxicating scent of the ocean breeze mixed with sweat from our training. Both of our hearts racing from the words lingering between us and what they meant.
I raised my head to see his aching blue eyes scanning my face. “Keeping information from me isn’t protecting me. Regardless of your reasons, you should have told me. I shouldn’t have found out how I did.” I couldn’t think of the admissions he just made. More than anything, I wish I could. Gods, that would be easier. My heart was racing out of control and the wind began to pick up around us, sensing the heightened emotions. I needed to get out. He was caging me in, and I couldn’t think with him staring at me.
“That would be the only thing I said that you’d acknowledge, wouldn’t it?” His voice was bitter, and it made my heart completely ache at the pain laced behind it. He pushed off the ring, pacing in front of me, flexing his fingers. He was itching for a fight just like I was, and if it wouldn’t end in one of our deaths, then I probably would have indulged him.
“Damien… I can’t. You know I can’t.” I moved my hand between us. “Wecan’t have that conversation anymore. I’m so damn tired of talking about it.” My head hung low for a moment because I couldn’t look at him when I delivered my next line. “I’ve told you before, more times than I can count. I won’t take that away from you, your chance of finding your mate,” I whispered. Silence engulfed us for the briefest moment before he spoke.
“I don’t want anyone but you, Eva. I could never love anyone how I love you, the way I havealwaysloved you.” He cupped my face and pulled me into his body. I reveled in his touch. The way our bodies felt together. If this was love, I didn’t want it. It was torturous. His lips met mine and I gave in for a moment, just a moment. I thought about what life would be like. By the gods, it would be easy. Or rather, easier than what we were doing right now. So much time and effort was wasted by fighting this. Maybe I should just…
No. I couldn’t.
I put my hands on his chest to separate us, but it was more in an effort to clear my head. I couldn’t think straight with his body pressed against mine.
“I know you think that, but you don’t mean it. Deep down, you know you don’t mean it,” I pleaded with him, needing to find a way to get out of this situation. I didn’t want to hurt him, but this topic always ended the same.
“What do I have to do to prove to you how I feel?” He asked.
We gazed at each other, silence stretching on for what seemed like an eternity. Neither of us knew what to do next, and I didn’t know what to tell him. I loved him, but I couldn’t tell him that because the type of love I had for him wasn’t what he deserved. He deserved someone that would put him above anyone or anything else. I wasn’t that woman, nor could I be. I had a kingdom to rule, and my duty had to come above everything else, especially my heart.
I looked away as Damien finally took a step back, running his hands through his disheveled hair. He knew the conversation was over, that I wouldn’t say anything further.
