Chapter49
Matthew
Four days had passed since the attack on Helia, and I had spent three of them agonizing over whether the love of my life would wake up from her body’s comatose state. As soon as I had woken up in the healing wing alone, I knew it was from one of two things. Either Eva was being held separately to tend to her wounds privately, or she had not left the battle alive after all.
I had asked for her time and time again, my words seeming to echo into the silence. They refused to tell me if she was alive, which only caused my mind to wander to the most depraved places. I raged against their hold, pleading with the healers to give me anything. The most I received were glances of pity as they attempted to knock me out. My body burned through every tonic they had given me; no sentries could hold me down. Finally, I asked for Kalen, begged to see him, and for him to tell me what the fuck was going on, but Luka walked through the door a moment later.
His presence, instead of my brothers, told me everything I needed to know.
“No,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “No, no, no. He cannot be—”
Luka placed a hand on my shoulder, one of unspoken words and sorrow. “You need to heal,” he told me quietly. “Eva’s fine. She’s being looked after and tended to by the finest healers. You have nothing to fear.”
But he did not know that while one fear was put to bed, the other was ripped open and relentlessly ate at my mind. Kalen—my best friend, confidant, andbrother—was gone, and I never had the chance to properly say goodbye.
Luka quickly dismissed everyone in the room, pulling a chair up to my bed and staying with me through the night. Neither of us spoke, but he let me release my tears while keeping me company. He had not needed to stay, but he did because he had watched everyone around me mourn as he attempted to sort through the mess left behind.
The following day, Luka demanded I be released—any further treatment could be done at Eva’s side. I had apologized profusely for my actions, and while each healer told me it was expected, it did not stop the guilt eating at me.
So, I had sat by Eva’s bedside for the past three days, unmoving. She was being monitored by the head healer, who had assured me on multiple occasions that she remained strong. For all intents and purposes, Eva was perfectly healthy, but this shutdown was her body’s way of protecting her from giving everything away.
The situation could have ended tragically differently if it had taken even a moment longer.
Moonlight streamed in through the balcony doors, the curtains softly rustling as a breeze blew through. Running one hand through my hair, I cringed at the feeling of grease on the strands. I knew I needed to clean up. My jawline was covered in scruff, shaping up to be more of a short beard, and I felt the grime of the previous days clinging to my skin.
But I could not pull myself away to bathe because I hated the thought of her waking up alone.
My hand hung limply from the chair while I rested my head on the other. Gods, I wanted a drink, something to release me from the torrent of fucking madness I had been stuck in over the past five days. But I did not believe I deserved a respite, not when so many people around me were suffering endlessly.
Luka came by daily to update me on the world outside these double doors. Alric had been treated and released into Luka’s care. However, since his mind had been controlled by Lachlan, even for a short time, he instructed Luka to lock him in Damien’s old cell until Ciena could craft a new brew, to ensure nothing lingered.
He had not been the only victim of Lachlan’s control, but Briar, too, had been cleared. She had been distraught when she understood the full scope of what had happened, and had cried by Eva’s bedside until the late afternoon. I felt nothing but pity for her, knowing the love she had for my Eva, and how hurt she must have been by her own betrayal.
Renai had yet to speak to anyone. She had not left her room and refused most of the food left outside her door. Luka and I asked Briar to check in on her. She reported that Renai was going to be okay. We pressed her for answers, but she told us that it was not her place to say. She did, however, ensure Renai was eating, and for that I was grateful.
I could barely do as much for myself, forcing myself to choke down what I could. I ran a hand through my dark hair. My heart ached. I wanted to see Kalen, but I couldn’t bear to leave Eva’s side.
I still struggled to process it, finding that my dreams turned to nightmares every time I closed my eyes. How was I supposed to go forward in a world where he no longer existed? We had been thrown together, suffering from familial damage and shitty circumstances.
I stood up, pushed the evil thoughts out of my head, and walked into the attached bathing chamber. My fingers gripped the porcelain sink, panting heavily before I splashed cold water onto my skin to chase away the demons.
What if she never wakes up? Will I always be surrounded by corpses? Is that my penance for being a product of my father’s brutality?
The questions hounded me, barreling through my mental shields like a stampede. There were so many things I could have done differently, but would the outcome remain? Was this fate?
I wiped my hands and face off with a small towel. Eva’s scent clung to it, and I inhaled deeply to commit it to memory. There were small moments like that where I could forget she lay comatose only a few feet away.
How I longed to hear her laugh again.
Walking back toward the bed, I passed the seat that’d become my constant companion and sunk down on my knees beside her. She looked as though she was sleeping, and I supposed she was.
“Darling, come back,” I whispered into the darkness. “I cannot do this without you. My heart will not allow it.”
I reached for her hand, tracing the small pulse point along her soft skin. The familiar thrum centered me, reminding me that she was stillalive. That was the most important thing.
Minutes ticked by, and I could not bring myself to leave this position by her side. Instead, I just kept my focus locked on her beating heart. “Come back, come back, come back,” I pleaded, intertwining her limp fingers with my own.
A sharp tap on my shoulder had me turning around, staring into Briar’s stern face. “Boy, the moon is still high in the sky, and yet here you are, hanging on to our girl as if it will change anything. You have not properly rested in days.” Her tone was gentle, almost placating, but I knew she could still order me around if she wanted to.
