I pinched the bridge of my nose, exhaling sharply before pushing away and throwing on a tunic. I paused at the door, my fingers thrumming against the wood. What could I say? To Renai? To Illara?
Renai sat up, huffing, and threw the thickest pillow she had at my head before pointing. “Get the fuck out, Kalen.” She turned over as I walked out, and the sound of soft crying followed me down the hall, playing repeatedly in my head until I reached the council room.
I hated myself for it.
* * *
When I stepped inside,the lighting in the council room was dimmed. Only a few souls lingered near the maps in the back corner, examining the encampments we knew of. Illara was sitting with Eva and Matthew near the head of the table. There was a healer examining her, placing a bandage on her upper thigh. A basin of bloody water sat at her feet.
Her dress was pulled up, her legs on full display as she sat quietly while the woman worked. A small path of blood dried along her calf, her legs caked in an array of dirt. There was a minor cut on her cheek that had been bandaged, but given the way her clothes had looked earlier, I’d expected worse.
“Kalen,” Matt said, rising from his chair. The others turned and looked at me as I entered, though Eva’s brief glance told me she was still pissy from this afternoon. Illara seemed suddenly preoccupied with the plate of food sitting in front of her, pushing it around with her fork.
Matt looked behind me, relieved not to see Renai trailing behind. He lowered his voice. “She didn’t come with you, did she?”
He knew the answer, and the hushed tone he spoke in told me I was right about Eva still being sore about the conversation earlier. It didn’t change the surge of annoyance I felt. “Why?” I questioned. “Is she being charged for speaking her mind in a high-stress situation? The last time I checked, that wasn’t exactly against the law. And she was only trying to help.”
Eva’s eyes flitted to where I stood, but I didn’t meet her glance. Matt closed his eyes briefly, exhaling. “No, of course not. But given the current tension in the air, I think it would be best if we didn’t exacerbate the issue, don’t you agree?”
“I don’t know how things could get much worse for me at the moment,” I muttered under my breath, reaching over and grabbing a goblet filled with wine and downing it.
Matt cocked his head. “What happened?”
I took a deep breath. “Renai and I—I don’t know, brother. Weindulged. It was different. When Luka brought Illara to find me—”
But Matt chuckled, more in horror than amusement. “Good gods, you’ve gotten yourself into a mess, haven’t you?”
I nodded once, grabbing the bottle of wine and refilling the glass. “I’m not good at this shit, Matt. There’s a good reason I never settled down again after Arabella.” I paused, flicking my gaze over Matt’s shoulder to where Illara sat. She leaned forward slightly, intent on overhearing our conversation. “It doesn’t matter. I’m a dick. End of story.”
Matt clapped my shoulder before turning around. “You will find no disagreement from me on the subject.” He sat down next to Eva, grabbing her hand and pressing it to his lips. She smiled softly. I could tell she didn’t quite believe her eyes sometimes. That he was real. That it was all real and he would not disappear the next moment she closed her eyes. “Shall we begin, my queen?”
Sometimes, it was utterly sickening to be in the same room as those two. Their love was the type that could end the world if they so desired, but gods above, I wished they would read the room.
I rolled my eyes, sitting down across from Illara. Eva gestured toward her. “Would you be able to recall what happened?”
“I can,” she said, taking a sip of her wine before clearing her throat. She looked at Eva out of the side of her eye. Some strange unease passed over Illara’s face. “Four days ago, we noticed a new caravan had made camp outside of the village. Thought nothing of it, just went about my business. Caelora sees a lot of outsiders like that, ones of all different… allegiances. They don’t bother us, we don’t bother them. Two days passed, and they infiltrated the streets during the early hours of the night, forcing people to their knees to swear their allegiance. A few came forward, whether out of fear for their lives or because they truly believed in The Horde’s cause, I don’t know. The rest of us resisted.”
“And what happened next?” Luka asked, studying the map laid out before him.
“What do you think?” She scoffed. “Anarchy. The Horde attacked, taking no prisoners. But we had to get people out. Since we have no true allegiance to any kingdom or king’s guard, a few of us took it upon ourselves to protect those less fortunate. We’d already mapped out an escape route in case something like this happened. I refused to be a victim like I was during the last war. We tried to prioritize the women and children, getting them out and on the path first with a couple of our volunteer militia members. But it quickly went to shit.” She looked over at Eva, embarrassed. “My apologies, Your Majesty.” She dipped her head.
Eva only laughed, touching Illara’s hand lightly. “Please do not apologize. Any of these men will tell you I do not always have the mouth befitting a queen.”
Luka rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath. “That is an understatement.” The glare Eva shot him quieted him quickly.
“Go on,” Eva encouraged.
“Well, The Horde figured out what we were doing and closed in ranks. We were forced to split up into smaller groups, break up the routes we took, so it was easier to hide off the path if we needed to. I was taking mine out toward the back of town, near the old farm where I’d met Kalen and Matthew one evening. I got one group out.” She paused, her brows furrowing. “There were so many who were already dead by the time I came back. People I’d known, that I’d grown up with—their lives were over. Just like that.”
“How did you make it out?” Matt asked, before pointing out the location of the barn to Luka.
She looked down at her lap, and I couldn’t explain why I wanted to reach out and take her hand. I barely knew the woman—a fact I kept reminding myself.
“I was cornered near the inn, caught helping an elderly woman out of a ditch where she’d flung her body over two young children. A soldier came up behind me and grabbed my throat, dragging me back into him. I,” she paused, silver lining her eyes. “The old woman did not make it out. They just cut her throat where she stood and all I could do was watch.”
On instinct, I reached out my hand and laid it on top of hers. The room was silent, and even Illara looked up in shock. She pulled away quickly, sending her glass of wine spilling down the table and onto the floor.
“Shit, shit, shit!” She said, jumping up. In her haste, she’d forgotten the healer kneeling before her, tending to her blistered feet. The bowl shattered as the woman fell back onto her ass, and Illara hissed in pain as she stepped toward her to help, cutting her foot.
