I cut him off with another kiss, pulling at his lip with my teeth. “I am so sick of men telling me what I deserve, what I should do. If you don’t want to fuck, tell me now and I will walk out of this door and we won’t ever speak of this again. But make no mistake, Damien, this offer is for one night only. I’m lonely, horny, and just a little bit drunk.”
He took a step back, raking his hands through his hair and cursing softly. His eyes raked over my body again and again and again. Each pass felt like a current sweeping through me.
“Well?” I asked, leaning back and spreading my legs ever so slightly. His nostrils flared as he scented my arousal. Those dangerous eyes narrowed as they drifted down to my center.
But then he turned around, his hands clasping behind his head. “You should go,” he said roughly.
I felt as though I’d been slapped. Stark, distant cold settled over me, stilling the screaming, crying version of myself which pounded at the walls of my heart. It was her fault I was here. Her fault I had opened myself up to not only one rejection, but two.
For some reason, Damien’s rebuttal hurt worse than I expected it to. Perhaps I thought he would understand the need to connect with someone since he’d been so lonely, but I was wrong.
I slipped off the desk, fixing my gown and grabbing my shoes from where I’d laid them. Damien didn’t turn, but I saw the way his knuckles grew white as if he was struggling to hold himself back.
“Right,” I said, clearing my throat. I tried to push away the sting, the hurt, the absolute gutting agony coursing through my body. “Well, I guess I’ll see you when our training resumes.”
I had my hand on the door as he called out, “Wait!” But this time, I was the one who refused to look at him. “Renai, I have to know if this is real and not the same mind-addling shit that happened before. With–” He paused and my breathing accelerated. Was he about to mention Eva? Before I could ask, he was shaking his head. “It’s taking everything in me not to throw you down on this bed right here and now and have my way with you.” He paused, and something in his next words had my heart breaking a little bit more. “But when I do bed you for the first time, alone, and make no mistake, there will be a first time for that, I want to do right by you. You deserve more than this, than some prisoner in a tower when you’re drunk.”
I wiped away a tear that had fallen, turning toward him and forcing a smile to my face. “Oh Damien, I already told you. This was a one-time offer. There will be no next time, or a first time, for that matter.” I opened the door, calling out behind me, “I hope you sleep well!” and stepped into the darkening stairwell.
Chapter27
Kalen
In the wake of Renai’s departure, I found myself cocking my fist back and slamming into the mirror several times. I welcomed the pain, wanting to hurt myself for hurting her. As I looked down at my bloodied knuckles, I couldn’t help but think I deserved it. I didn’t know what I was thinking. Saying those things to her had crossed a line and I could never take them back. She would never forgive me. But while I regretted the delivery, I knew I’d done what I needed to in order to stay true to myself.
And it wasn’t fair for her to continue her enamoration because whether it was today or five years from now, I’d only end up breaking her heart.
I couldn’t stay here in this room. It was only a reminder of what had occurred, of what I’d done. I stormed out, reaching down to grab a lone bottle sitting by the entryway, before locking the door behind me so no one would find it in disarray before I returned. Perhaps if anyone came by, they would assume I was merely sleeping off the hangover I was sure to have tomorrow.
If I ever slept.
The library wasn’t far, and I knew it would be empty this time of night. At least I could drown my sorrows there, in peace, without having to worry about stumbling across someone. I’d wandered the corridors until I came across two large oak doors that led to a small foyer, complete with tables for the librarians to work or civilians to request archived documentation stored in the catacombs.
I pushed past all of that, stalking to the middle, where a grouping of sofas and armchairs sat empty. I shrugged out of my jacket, throwing it beside me and unbuttoning the top of my shirt.
“Stupid fucking party,” I hissed, slamming the whiskey down on the table before dropping into a plush seat. The bottle seemed to reverberate, calling out for me to take a drink and drown my sorrows, but I refused. Instead, I tilted my head up and admired the stars.
It was one of my favorite features about this room. A skylight dominated the center of the library, the glass panes allowing unrestricted access to the stars above. The small lights beamed, occasionally streaking across the sky as if they were dancing.
Normally, it would bring me peace, but tonight it only made my lonely heart ache.
Echoing in the stillness of the library, I heard the main door open and the click of heels against the tile.
“Hello?” I called, peering into the darkness. There was no response as the footsteps approached. I reached for my dagger, standing up and crouching in a defensive position.
As if she slid out of a thin veil of shadows, Ciena slipped into the dim lighting. Her silver hair shone, a glowing halo illuminating her silhouette. “Hello Kalen,” she said, folding herself into the chair across from me.
I blew out a breath, placing the dagger beside me and collapsing into my seat. “Perhaps you should have answered when I called out.”
She crossed her legs and leaned forward, grabbing the bottle of firewhiskey and taking a deep drink. The dress she wore was made from black velvet. It hugged every curve of her body, accentuating full hips and a soft stomach.
I studied her. Gods, she looked nothing like Arabella at first glance, but the more I stared, the more I began to notice small, familiar things in her features. There were her sharp eyes that cut into you with a single stare, and the way her face softened when she was around her friends.
“What do you want?” I whispered. “I’ll tell you, it’s been a horrible evening so far, and I’m not going to be the best company—”
She gave me an assessing stare, considering my state with scrutiny. “Why is that?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I grumbled. “What are you doing here?”
