Ciena tilted her head to the side, her eyes growing distant. “I wasn’t tired after leaving the ceremony, and everyone slipped away quickly before I had a chance to seek out company. I suppose I wandered these halls in hope of either companionship or solitude.”
Neither of us spoke for a moment, the only sound coming from Ciena as she took a deep pull of liquor. She grimaced. “Gods, this shit is rough.” She pulled back to study the bottle. “How do you drink this?”
I shrugged. “Guess I’m just used to it.”
Ciena sighed. “What’s on your mind, Kalen?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She tilted the bottle toward me. “I’m a good listener.”
I took a hold of the neck, staring down at the amber liquid inside. She was the only one who could understand my position, the only one who knew about Arabella. Perhaps talking to her wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
“Why do you think she did it?” I asked.
“I sense that I’m going to need a bit more alcohol for this conversation.” She leaned forward, taking the bottle back from my hands. “I understand this may come as a shock to you, Kalen, but I do not have the answers to the questions you seek.” She took a sip, her long nails tapping the glass as the sound echoed throughout the halls. “I cannot give you what I do not have. But I admit I haven’t known what to say to you, because I am just as confused as you.”
“Imournedher,” I said, placing my hand over my chest. “I watched as her body was delivered to me in pieces, one right after the fucking other. The guilt of that has eaten at me until there were days I could not function. And now, after all these years, she’s alive? Why would she do that?”
“Did you think I never mourned the loss of my sister?” she questioned, eyebrows rising. “I was with her for hundreds of years before she ever met you, and I searched for her until the day I received a letter telling me to stop.” She leaned back and rubbed at her temples. “Not that it mattered. I never stopped. But I used every godsdamn tracking spell in my arsenal to no avail.” Her eyes flitted up to mine, silver burning. “I did not know she was still alive until that day in the throne room. Same as you.”
“How could she have done this?” I asked, hanging my head. “How could she have tricked us all? We had a life! A good one at that. We never went to bed angry, made love and laughed. There were plans. We had a babe—“
Ciena’s head jerked up, her gaze widening. “Ari had a child?”
I nodded. Flashbacks of the small bundle flashed before my eyes. Her soft head of thick black hair, just like her mother’s. I remember begging and pleading for her to open her eyes, to take a breath. It never came. Arabella was inconsolable. “Aye. It was a little girl.”
“What happened to her?” she whispered.
I stared down, my hands shaking uncontrollably. “Stillborn. Arabella pushed for hours, there wasn’t ever a chance for her. I built a pyre the next day to send her off in search of a better world. But Arabella never recovered, and she died not long after that.” I snorted. “Or left, I guess.”
“Have you spoken to her about this?” Ciena asked.
“Eh,” I said, waving my hand. I’d been thinking about my last conversation with her constantly. In fact, I couldn’t escape it. The closeness of our bodies, the heat of our words, it consumed me. “We yelled about many things the last time I saw her. I don’t know that I’ll ever have the answers because I don’t think she knows why she abandoned her family.” I paused, tapping my finger against the arm of the chair. “Can I tell you something truly awful? Something I haven’t told anyone else?”
Ciena nodded.
“There is a part of me that truly wishes she was dead, because the thought of her being alive for the past century while I was unable to move on is enough to break me. And for a moment in the throne room, just a moment, I thought she did this to weaken me. To make me fall in love and have a family—something I was adamantly against, by the way—just to take it away from me.”
“What was her name?” Ciena’s voice shook, but she tried her hardest to keep it steady.
“Sascha,” I said, leaning back into my chair. Ciena had gone still. I hadn’t spoken her name since the day of her pyre when I set it aflame and screamed it at the gods. My voice had been hoarse for days. But after that, I’d been too scared to utter the name, as if speaking it into the world would shatter what little resolve I had left. I should have said it more, even if just to keep the memory alive and create something beautiful from something tragic. I hadn’t even told Erina her name when we spoke about her that last day, and gods, how I wished I’d told her.
“It’s a beautiful name,” Ciena mused. The light in her eyes dulled faintly. “Do you know what it means?” I shook my head. “It’s a witch's name. One that comes from our ancestors of old. It means defender. I think it fits quite well, don’t you?”
I could not stop the tears that flowed, and a sob escaped from my lips. My Sascha. My defender. Perhaps that was why I had made it through the war, even though I’d been reckless. I had wanted to die, to be reunited with my family, but during each battle, I managed to make it out alive. “Yes,” I whispered. Yes, I think it’s perfect, actually.”
Those long, red-tipped fingers tightened around the rim of the bottle. “For what it’s worth, Kalen, I wish I knew why she’d done it. I wish I knew why she chose a side full of hate and malice versus one of love, but I can’t.”
“Do you trust her now?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted the answer for my own peace of mind or simply to hear her take on it.
The corners of her mouth tipped down. “I don’t know, Kalen. I want to, desperately. We’ll say that I’m cautiously optimistic. But if I may be so bold, I hope you don’t let her or her memory deter you from finding happiness. You deserve more than you’ve allowed yourself, Kalen.”
The pit in my stomach gaped as I stared down at my hands once more. Did I deserve happiness? I wasn’t sure anymore. Especially not after what happened with Ren earlier.
Clouds rolled in overhead, blocking the moonlight and casting the room in darkness, except for flickering shadows from the candle. Ciena looked up, a frown marring her face. “I can’t shake the feeling that something terrible is coming our way, and soon.” She met my gaze. “And we best be ready when it does.”
* * *
