“It doesn’t matter what I want. If he’s happy, then that’s all I care about.” She said it so simply, so matter-of-fact, that it almost seemed cruel.
“But it does matter. Your feelings matter, Renai. I’m sorry if things are over between you two, but—”
She stopped abruptly, and I realized we’d come to the foot of Damien’s tower. “Thank you for joining me, Eva,” she said quickly, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll come and find you as soon as I am done here to report my findings.”
And then she was off, running up the staircase as if she was terrified of what emotions our conversation may unleash.
Chapter29
Damien
Renai clapped her hands together as she closed the door of my tower. Her bouncing walk told me she had something up her sleeve for our activities. “Today is the day, Captain,” she said, grabbing a chair from the corner and sitting astride it, facing me.
I lifted my head from the bed, still bleary-eyed from sleep. Or lack of sleep, I supposed. There’d been little of that after Renai had left my rooms last night. I’d stared at the ceiling, berating myself for hours for turning her away. I didn’t miss the way she’d frozen up when I’d told her I couldn’t go through with it.
I meant what I’d said. As she stood in front of me last night, it struck me with horrific clarity that she was one of the most important people in my life. I didn’t want to ruin that by fucking her up against a desk—no matter how amazing it would have been.
“What is it?” I asked, brushing the sleep out of my eyes.
Her hand snaked into her pocket, producing a small crystal vial. She smiled at me and shook it slightly. Whatever was inside hardly moved, the consistency of sludge. Even if I could not get a grasp on the coloring, it looked faint, and I swore I saw a slight swirling ember inside.
Dear gods, it looked horrible. Surely, it wasn’t the cure.
I raised my eyebrows. “What the hell is that?”
Renai rolled her eyes, and sighed. “By the gods, you’re stupid. This, my troubled friend, is the answer to all of our questions.”
I looked once again at the ominous creation, squinting my eyes. “And it’s hidden inside that vile looking concoction? Ciena couldn’t have made it look more tempting?”
“Well,” she said, grimacing. The small move was enough to tell me all I needed to know about what she would say next. “I’ll admit that it doesn’t look appealing, or smell great if I’m honest. It’ll probably taste like shit, too. But this is what we have.” Her smile faltered, only for a moment, but was contagious, nonetheless. There was nothing I could do but return it. As if she remembered I was her prisoner and not her friend or lover, she cleared her throat. “And then, we’ll be able to extract the information you learned while being in Lachlan’s thrall.”
I sat up, leaning my head against the wall, and stared at the ceiling. “Do you really think this will work?” I should have told her that ever since my return from the hospital and the strange dream, I’d begun to remember little details. Bits and pieces scattered across the months I’d been under Lachlan’s hold, but nothing large enough to form an idea of what they meant.
She shrugged, but I noticed the small crease which formed between her eyes. “We’ll figure that out once we test it.”
“Wait,” I said, leaning forward. “You haven’t tested it?” Surely, they weren’t serious. But when I thought about what I’d done, what I’d been a part of, it didn’t surprise me that they could not care less if I lived or died. They wanted the information in my head, something that was locked away so tightly I could barely think about it without it sending me into a fit. They didn’t care if I survived the test or not.
“Who would we have tried it on? There’s no one else but you,” Renai said, tossing her long braid behind her back. “Alric deferred the decision to Eva, and, well, she just instructed us to do what we needed to do.” She winced, knowing how deep that would cut me. I deserved that. “I’ve personally assisted in this creation. Ciena wouldn’t kill you, and she’s been working day and night to craft this to perfection—“
That wasn’t comforting. “Can something be perfect if it hasn’t been tried out?” I interjected, but she brushed me off.
“She is highly skilled in her craft. Honestly, she’s brilliant.”
“Oh, that’s reassuring,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Sarcasm dripped from my words, the only remnants I was able to dredge up from my former life.
Renai sighed. “This is not an ideal situation, but it’s the only one we have. Do you trust me?” She leaned over the chair, her hands crossing over one another. Gods above, she really was beautiful, even if in a rough way that said she’d endured her fair share of shit throughout her life. It only made me more curious about her and what made her tick.
But there was something in the way she looked at me, the way she’d come to be the closest thing I had to a friend in these past weeks, that gave me confidence. I met her gaze and pushed off the bed. Rolling my shoulders and neck, I said, “Alright. I trust you.”
She stood from the chair as I approached her. My hand grazed hers, and I swore I heard a sharp intake of breath as I plopped down and held my wrists out for bindings.
She looked at me, her brows furrowing. “That’s it?” Renai asked skeptically. “You just trust me? Like that? You’re not going to give me hell?”
I shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
“You seemed so hesitant only moments ago.”
“Yes, and you haven’t led me astray yet. In fact, you’ve been incredibly…accommodatingat times.” She blushed. “Renai, it isn’t as if you have ever given me reason not to trust you. If you believe this will work, then I’m willing to give it a shot. Besides, what have I got to lose? My freedom?Gone. My dignity?Shredded. My life?Already forfeit. The only thing I hope, if this goes badly, is that you’re able to extract the information Helian needs before I take my last breath.”
