Renai pulled out the shackles from her satchel, toying with them as she clamped them along my wrists and pushed them through a link in the floor to keep me immobile. There was worry on her face, and her hands trembled slightly. But to my utter surprise, she grasped my tunic and kissed me deeply, as if she was scared I would not see another day.
She pushed off of my chest, her own heaving as she stepped back. “What the hell was that for?” I said, lifting my lips in a cocky smile. The feeling warmed my chest, though I was quick to shut it down.
She would never want someone like me. I couldn’t compare with a man like Kalen, not with the blood on my hands and the blackness in my soul. Furthermore, she deserved someone who could give her all the things she wanted in life—whatever those were—and I was not the person who could. When, or rather if, I ever left this tower, it would either be on my way to a pyre or to be shunned by a community I once loved so dearly.
I couldn’t drag her down with me, no matter how much I may have wanted to.
The smile she fought said it all—a sight that warmed my heart as a small laugh left her. “Oh, shut up. Perhaps my intention is to poison your ass, and that was just a kiss goodbye.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I think you would miss me too much to poison me. Who else would you torture with your company?”
“If anything, Captain, being in your presence is torture for me, and I am the bright spot inyourday.”
She had no idea how right she was, how much I looked forward to her visits, even if they’d lessened since my return from the healing wing. I’d worried I’d pushed our relationship too far, the devil inside of me taking too much interest, but I couldn’t change anything that had happened. It’s why I had stopped her when she came to my room. I had to be certain it wasn’t history repeating itself, that my desire to be around her, to see her smile, to listen to that husky voice, wasn’t because of that same sick obsession I’d had for Eva. I had to be certain it was real.
But I knew, deep down, what it really was.
The realest thing I’ve ever known.
“You certainly are,” I whispered, watching her with wistful eyes.
Her steps faltered as she neared the small desk in the corner where she’d laid out a spread of bread, meat, and cheese for our lunch. She always did this, probably went so far as to have made the meal herself. It was a treat, she said, for us after our session.
Renai reached out for a pitcher of water and poured two glasses, bringing one over to where I sat. Holding my gaze, she lifted the glass to my mouth. “Here. Perhaps this will make it go down easier.” I drank deeply, the fresh water nearly had me groaning in appreciation. “Are you ready?” she said softly, wiping a droplet of water away from my mouth with the tip of her thumb as she pulled away.
I nodded, testing my bindings to ensure their strength. “As ready as I can be.”
As Renai stood in front of me, she uncorked the lid. Her nose scrunched up, the pungent aroma filling the air. “Oh gods, it’s worse than I remember it.” She glanced at me quickly. “For the record, I am so sorry about this.”
Fuck, it was terrible. Worse than corpses left to rot after battle, or the burning of villages. It reminded me of something that did not exist—the darkest, foulest being in existence. It was everything horrible and wicked corked into a single vial, and the voices in my mind reared their ugly heads as the scent drew their attention.
I blew out a breath. “Let’s just get it over with, shall we?”
With the vial held to my lips, she paused. “And for the record, I do hope you live through this,” she added, before pouring the revolting potion down my throat.
It burned with the fire of a thousand suns, the feeling running through my blood and body like a rampant stampede. I struggled to get it all down, the thick liquid catching in my throat. Renai covered my mouth, forcing it down. I retched, but she did not relent. Bit by bit, the concoction went down.
I fought against the bonds, my skin crawling as this poison made its way through. Renai still held her hand over my mouth, ensuring nothing escaped. “You have to drink it all, Damien. You have to drink it all for it to work.” Her apologies chanted in my ears, but I was hardly aware. My vision blurred around the edges, the voices in my head screaming as if they were being scorched. I threw my head back, an agonized cry breaking through as she let go of my mouth. She reached for my hand, the single point of solace amongst the agony as the potion took over.
“Fuck,” I cursed, spittle flying as my blood boiled inside. “I can’t—” I was hardly holding on, the thrumming increasing with every second that passed. Sweat dripped down my back, my neck, as I cooked from the inside.
“You can, Damien. Just a little bit longer,” she said, sweeping a hand over my clammy forehead. “Shit, shit, shit. You’re burning up. Hold on.”
I closed my eyes, hoping and praying for this to end at any cost, as my mind began tearing itself apart. Whatever was inside of me had no plans to leave, for it had ingrained itself so deeply into who I was. It was as if I was losing something vital, and it held on with talons dug through skin. “Please, I can’t…” I cried, the words failing me.
I was hardly present as a cool cloth draped over my forehead, another at the back of my neck. I barely registered the presence before the world went black and I felt the sweet release of darkness sweep over me.
* * *
“Damien! Godsdammit, Damien… Wake up!”
Someone hovered over me, a woman. She was calling for me, begging for me to open my eyes. The voice was so familiar, an accompaniment in many of my dreams. I wanted to go to it, to embrace the woman calling my name. No. Not just a woman.Renai. Suddenly, I felt the sharp sting of a hand against my cheek twice, pulling me from the abyss I’d lost myself in.
“That…hurt…” I groaned, trying to open my eyes. The light above me stung as everything fought to come into focus.
Renai sat back on her legs, sobbing in relief before slapping my chest. “You bastard! I was scared out of my mind. I thought I’d lost you. Oh, gods.” She placed a hand over her head. “I was going to alert the guards, and—“
“Hey, hey,” I whispered as I slowly sat up, taking her hand in mine and squeezing softly. “It’s alright. I’m alright. Or at least, I believe I am.” Trying to laugh did little but cause a pain on my side that had me flinching.
