As my fangs had broken her supple skin, I had known my life would change forevermore. The sweet flavor of her essence on my tongue was a high unlike any other. It coursed through my body until she was all I felt, saw, smelled, and tasted. I was aman consumed, relishing the idea of her belonging to me and me to her.
And I would never be able to stop thinking of the way her tight cunt had gripped my cock from the moment I skimmed her breast.
I shifted my feet, bumping against a broken lamp on the floor. The night I had locked myself in this room, I had been blinded with anger, recklessly cursing every single person in my office that night who did nothing to save her. Now, as I walked through the destruction I had left in the wake of my rage, I felt nothing but sorrow.
It is not that I could genuinely blame anyone but myself. I had been the one keeping secrets, the one sheltering her from my storm, the one keeping parts of me hidden so she never understood the truth and severity of my love.
The worst part was I could not even remember destroying the room.
The morning after her death, Jasper had delivered a letter. In it, Castor had confirmed her death, not sparing my feelings as he did so.
Calia is gone, and her blood is on your hands. I want you to know that the only reason you still draw breath is because of the love she had for you. However, know that should I see your arrogant face again, I will not hesitate to end your life.
-C
As the paper slipped from my fingertips, my vision had bled black. All I could do was feel the destructive ache beneath my fingers as I unleashed my anger upon the room. The only thingthat had been able to leash my rage was that godsdamn scent because it was the last remnant of her I had left.
One day, it would fade, and the thought alone was enough to grip my heart in a vice like grip until I thought it would burst.
I shook my head, clearing those haunting thoughts from my mind. When I could bear it no longer, I turned and walked into the hallway. The door closed softly behind me, and I let my hand linger on the wood before dropping to my side.
“I will make this right,” I whispered, taking one last look before descending the stairs.
Even if it kills me.
CHAPTER SIX
The entire house was eerily silent. My footsteps echoed off the walls before I stopped in the middle of the foyer. The chandelier above my head no longer glittered, the unlit bulbs having lost their shine. The only light came from the two large windows on either side of the entryway. The two thin beams did little to brighten the room, only darkened the shadows already lingering along the wall.
The room was lifeless.
After the party, all our staff had been dismissed. Rowena had seen that they would continue receiving their salary. Still, I did not want prying eyes to see the turmoil beneath my skin. After tearing Calia’s room apart, I no longer trusted myself not to hurt someone in passing.
I also could not bear the constant chatter—questions and accusations filling my head as they gossiped.
My grief knew no bounds, and I was left lingering somewhere between sadness and anger. Even I could not predict the way my emotional pendulum would swing.
Only Anya had remained on the grounds, given her cottage was on the isle itself. It was enough distance that I did not fear her becoming a victim of my wrath. She had stayed away fromthe main house since Calia’s death, for which I was grateful. I did not know if I could stomach seeing her, seeing as she and Calia had become so intertwined toward the end.
I pushed forward through the kitchens until I stepped out into the atrium. The nature surrounding me seemed dim compared to how it had been before. For days, the sun had hidden behind thick plumes of grey clouds, teasing a rainfall that never came. I loved watching the rain course down over the glass ceiling of the atrium. Tall tropical plants surrounded me and for a moment, I could feel alone.
This area had once been my solace—the answer to the energy that coursed under my skin and made me restless. It was a silly notion, but seeing the rest of the world meander around during the day had me longing for something I could never have. I had only dreamed of feeling the sun on my skin for so long.
It seems so frivolous now that I look back. There were far more necessary things to wish for, especially on the precipice of the unknown. But the desire was honed by the dreams of a young boy who equated sunshine with happiness.
Meeting Calia had changed that.
While I immediately knew she was far less jaded than I, there had been a flicker of darkness in her eyes that I could not ignore. It enraptured me, kept me up at night, wondering what had put it there and if it was as twisted as my own.
Sucking in a breath, I tipped my head back and closed my eyes. Since Calia came into my life, I had watched the control I had so painstakingly maintained slip away. She upended my world, turned it inside out and upside down until I could no longer recognize the way it used to be.
But I had never realized how little I had lived until her. I never allowed myself to be selfish and take what I truly desired out of some misguided effort to never disappoint my family.
And that’s what loving Calia had been.
Selfish.
“Oh!”
