‘I’m just happier with them where they are.’
‘Why?’
The truth sounded silly so I fobbed him off. Or at least I tried to. ‘It’s easier.’
‘Going back to your house to change your clothes, having had a shower here, is easier? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on.’
Laughter bubbled out of me. ‘I haven’t heard that phrase for ages. Nanny used to say it to me when I was trying to get away with something. It never did work.’ I smiled at the memory.
Jesse sat up a little, the pure white sheet contrasting against his skin and the line of dark hair that ran down his abdomen. I turned away to continue getting changed – otherwise things were going to take a lot longer and I had things to do today.
‘She’s the only person you ever speak about with any affection. Whom you ever speak about at all, really.’
I brushed my hair out and then tied it into a high ponytail. ‘Nanny?’
‘Yes.’
‘I suppose that’s because she’s the only one I’ve ever felt much affection for – or from.’ I bent to pick up a pot of moisturiser from my washbag on the bedside table and Jesse hooked his arm around my waist, pulling me onto the bed.
‘Jesse,’ I said, laughing. ‘I have things to do.’
‘I can think of some too,’ he replied, his darkening gaze latching onto mine.
I batted him off, still laughing. ‘I mean it.’
‘OK, OK. I’ll behave, I promise,’ he said, not letting go. ‘Just stay a little longer. Tell me about Nanny. She clearly meant a lot to you.’
I dropped my gaze to my bare hands. My jewellery, for the moment, was locked in Jesse’s safe. I had amassed some expensive items over the years and my house wasn’t exactly Fort Knox. But the most treasured possession in that small collection was the one piece that, monetarily, was worth the least. The ring that Nanny had given me.
‘I’m sure you don’t want to hear all this,’ I said, making to push away, but Jesse held me gently in place.
‘I’m sure I do. I want to know all about you, Fliss.’
‘A grown woman talking about her nanny?’ I pulled a face of disbelief.
‘No. A woman I care about very much talking about someone who meant such a lot to her.’
I looked up and met his eyes. ‘Tell me,’ he said, softly.
‘What do you want to know?’
He pulled me closer and placed a kiss on my forehead. ‘All of it.’
Jesse leant back against the pile of pillows and I let myself follow, leaning against his solid chest as he gently pulled out the ponytail and let my hair drape back over my shoulders.
‘I don’t know where to start.’
‘Was she there when you came back from school that day?’
‘She was. Once my father tore himself away from trying to placate Estelle for five minutes, he dismissed Nanny. She’d been with our family since I was born and he just let her go like that,’ I snapped my fingers, ‘without a backward glance.’ Tension returned to my body at the remembered moment, the shock and pain of having to say goodbye to the one person I knew loved me, and whom I loved just as fiercely.
Jesse’s arms tightened momentarily around me, his thumb rubbing gently to and fro on my forearm, bringing me back.
‘We vowed to keep in touch and we did. I couldn’t imagine a future without that contact. If she hadn’t wanted to, if she’d wanted to cut ties after such treatment, which I wouldn’t have blamed her for, I honestly don’t know what I’d have done. Of course, she’d long since stopped being my nanny at that point, but I’d never called her anything else and every weekend, I would take the train and then the bus out to the little flat she’d retired to.’ I closed my eyes. ‘I lived for those days and I’d cry every time I had to leave.’
Jesse’s embrace tightened just that little bit more.
‘But she’d wipe my eyes like she’d done when I was little and told me to dry those tears and that she’d see me again soon.’
