This was the first birthday that I woke up in my own bed and not in another country. Every year, I booked a trip out the country because it was a distraction. A distraction from being alone, even while I was in a relationship.
“Tell me what you feeling right now,” he asked, as he held me tightly.
I sniffled while messing with the neck of his shirt. “I know we’re really young and have our entire life ahead of us… I’m getting a full ride to Temple universi?—”
“Zoya, what the fuck are you talking about?”
“I think I might be pregnant, Gerald.”
He didn’t say anything, but his smile told me everything that he didn’t say. I needed to see that because it helped me not be so nervous.
“I saidthink… not actually pregnant.”
“That’s why you got those pregnancy tests under your kitchen sink?”
I folded my arms. “Why are you snooping under my kitchen sink?”
“Baby, you put Bando’s poop bags under there… the fuck you thought they would blend in with the dishwasher pods.”
I laughed. “I’ve been nervous to take the test because what if I’m doing too much? Maybe my cycle switched or something… you know?”
His hand caressed the side of my thighs as he stared into my eyes. “You love me, right?”
“You know I do.”
“Then that means we keep trying until you carrying my babies. A negative test isn’t a stop on our life, Baby.”
“That’s true.”
“This isn’t an accidental pregnancy. We knew what we were doing in Ashbourne. Shit, I knew what the fuck I was doing.”
“Oh God, what about miscarriages?”
“I get you used to preparing yourself for the worst because it helps you. Stop doing that shit… you don’t need to prepare for shit. All the things that is coming to you is good.” He held my face and kissed me on the lips roughly.
“You don’t have to be rough.”
“You so fucking hardheaded. Go grab those tests and take one… really need to know something, Boobie.”
He helped me stand up and I went to grab the box of pregnancy tests. I don’t know why I hid them in the kitchen.
Deep down, it felt better than hiding them in my bathroom. Every time I took a test that was stored in the bathroom, it was always negative.
I held the box in my hand, and he grabbed me up, walking me into the bathroom, kissing me on the neck, as he went to sit on the bed.
“What if the test is negative, Goo?”
“We both alive, right?”
“Yes.”
“That pussy only gets wet for me, right?”
“Of course.”
“Then you live another day for me to beat that pussy swollen.” He winked, and I blushed, going into the bathroom.
Poking my head out the bathroom door. “Are you nervous?”
