It was gratitude.
Navy ran out the sunroom and did a cartwheel and joined us in the rain. Goo walked slowly over to me, pulling me into his arms, kissing my face.
He knew I was crying.
“Rinse all that shit away… all the bad feelings, doubt, vibes. A fresh start… a brand new you.” He kissed my lips.
I kissed him back and hugged him.
A brand new me.
Recommendation: Listen to First Time By Teeks
My birthday.
I thought I would have been waking up on an island with my girls either in the same bed, or in the same villa. I was still grateful that I got another today.
Another year.
Every year was a blessing because when the darkness took over your mind with depression, you didn’t know if marking down another birthday was possible. With all that I had going on, I was just thankful that I never allowed the darkness to win.
I couldn’t say I was out of it, but I didn’t allow it to consume me like I used to. I moved forward and pushed the thoughts out of my mind.
Even with me trying to cancel my birthday trip, I was grateful that Goo nor Stevie allowed me to go through with it fully. Though it was delayed, next week, I would be boarding a jet with my girls and Kobe, turning up on an island. I needed time with them. Time to wash out everything that was in my head and actually tell them what I was going through.
Capri and Blair checked on me regularly, and I knew they wanted to know what was going on with my life.
I was so used to keeping everything to myself and I realized that these were my girls. My best friends, and like I had been there for every step of their journey, they just wanted to do the same for me.
Bando jumped on the side of the bed, and I rubbed his head, giving him kisses. “Are you saying happy birthday to mommy?”
I didn’t need to worry about waking up early this morning because Goo took him out. He was my personal brand of sleep medication because whenever he was in bed with me, I didn’t need my sleeping pills.
My favorite thing was pulling his arms tightly around me until I fell asleep listening to his heartbeat. Most mornings, he was up and out the bed with Bando first thing. He’d usually let Bando back in my condo and then go to his to pray and eat.
I snatched my robe from the vanity chair and walked into the kitchen while scratching my hair and yawning. Bando’s pitter of his paws was right behind me as we stopped short.
Goon was on his prayer rug, praying.
I signaled for Bando to sit, as I stood in the doorway watching him. The flowers and balloons on the counter with the gift bags weren’t important to me at this moment. It was beautiful witnessing him surrender to Allah.
Pray for those that he loved and be so intentional with his prayer and faith. This wasn’t the first time I witnessed Goo pray. In Barbados, I watched Cappadonna and Alaia pray, Alaia behind him, as he bowed and they prayed together.
When I bypassed Goo’s room, he was in there praying. I never interrupted him, but it was what made me even more attracted to him.
There was peace in this quietness that consumed my condo. Just listening to him pray, as me and Bando watched him, learning more pieces of the man that made Gerald. His forehead rested on the prayer rug as I continued to study him.
I felt so much peace in the beauty of something that I knew nothing about. All I’ve ever heard was how Muslim men were controlling and forced their women to cover up. Then I met Alaia and Cappadonna, and they were the complete opposite.
Alaia ran that house and Capp was exactly where he wanted to be. She didn’t cover her body because her husband wasinsecure, she covered it because she wanted to reserve that for only him.
He turned his head to the right and said something, then turned his head to the left and said the same thing before leaning up and sitting on his prayer mat. “Good morning, Boobie.”
I smiled and walked over toward him, careful not to step on his mat. “Good morning, Goo… how did you sleep?”
He pulled me down onto his lap and kissed me. “Happy birthday, Baby Cakes.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, feeling incredibly grateful for him.
