When we finally pulled up to the airport, my sister wordlessly got out of the car and walked to the trunk before opening it. I pulled out my luggage and slung my backpack around my shoulders.
“Don’t be upset with me,” I said, a new set of tears threatening to be released as I gave my sister a hug goodbye. I knew I’d see her and that we’d talk, but it wouldn’t be the same. Having her close again had been so comforting. I’d cherish this time forever.
“I’m not upset.” Judging from the deep frown on her face, I wasn’t sure I believed her. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I will be.” I squeezed her arms and tried to believe the words as I said them.
“I love you,” she said. “Text me when you land.”
I watched her get into the car and pull away, sticking her hand out the window and waving until she was out of sight.
I pulled in a slow breath and exhaled. This was it. The moment my next chapter started.
As I entered the airport and checked my bags, no feeling of excitement or anticipation crept in.
There was only emptiness.
The ground shrankas it rolled by underneath the airplane.
When the flight attendant stopped by and asked me if I wanted anything to drink, I half contemplated getting a glass of wine to numb myself but then decided that would just make the whole situation even sadder. Instead, I sipped on a ginger ale, praying the bubbles would settle the queasiness that still brewed in my gut.
I hadn’t been on a plane since the day I’d gotten laid off. I’d felt so small and scared for what was next back then. I’d felt worthless.
When had that all changed?
Part of me thought it might have been the moment I’d first met Oliver. Even before I knew he would be someone significant. Bantering with him at that bar was the first time I’d felt even a crumb of pleasure. And then our first kiss…
Ugh, why did flying make me feel so reflective? If I started to think about Oliver again, I’d definitely start crying, and my eyes were still swollen from this morning.
Even as I tried to stop the floodgates of memories, they started to play like a compilation of our greatest hits.
From the moment I met him, Oliver had challenged me to live a life worth remembering. Every interaction we’d shared had changed me for the better. It was the kind of connection that only came around once in a lifetime, I was sure of it.
Despite the tears bubbling to the surface, the tightness in my chest loosened at the memory of us snowshoeing together. How patient he’d been despite how obviously out of shape I was. He had a knack for turning the things I dreaded into something worthwhile.
Pretty soon, I caught myself fantasizing about the future. But in my fantasy, there was no small New York apartment. There was no drinks with coworkers or a big promotion atwork. Instead, I saw myself laughing over a picnic with Oliver. I saw us hiking, him always trailing behind to stay next to me. I saw us getting dinner with Mattie and Giles and Bev. I imagined myself going back to Denver with him and finally meeting his brother.
It all filled me with such an overwhelming sense of peace that I nearly jolted straight out of my seat at the realization.
I was in love with Oliver.
That wasn’t just going to go away. He had somehow become the most important thing in my life.
As the miles grew alarmingly fast between us, I started to panic.
What the hell was I giving up? The man of my dreams for ajob? The thought made me shudder. What was I doing? Forcing misery on myself to complete some preconceived notion I had of my future? It was pure stupidity and denial.
My dream had changed.
I didn’t actuallywantthis job, I’d just wanted to get it. To assure myself that I was still worthy. Now that I had it? I couldn’t think of anything worse.
Mattie was right. I was making a mistake. A colossal one. The pain would never ease because this wasn’t the path I was supposed to be on.
I belonged with Oliver. I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant or where it would lead me. All I knew was that being with him was where I needed to be.
THIRTY-FOUR
Oliver
