“You didn’t mess up,” I said.
“The fact that I can’t even imagine you smiling right nowsays otherwise. You’re looking at me like I’m a huge disappointment, and I can’t take that.”
“I just…” I started before biting my lip.
Oliver moved his hand from my chin to cup my cheek. “Go on.”
“I never know what to say to you. You’re like my favorite person I’ve met since moving here. My life is completely falling apart right now, and you’re the one thing keeping me from crumbling.” I trembled as I continued to talk. “But I don’t feel like I can say that to you. And I don’t feel like I can ask you any questions about yourself or tell you anything real because you might bolt again. And I’m terrified that winter is ending, and I have no idea what that means for you. Are you leaving Key Ridge? Are you even planning on saying goodbye? But then I feel like an obsessive creep for even caring that much. I should be cool and saysee you when I see you. Or stay in touch. But I’m not the cool girl. I’m the girl that obsesses. And right now, the idea of you leaving is all I can think about. I don’t want to ruin tonight, but I can’t fake some small talk or joke around with you, because it hurts too much not to know.”
Oliver’s hand didn’t drop from my cheek like I was worried it would. Instead, his grip tightened as his fingers moved to wrap around my neck and his thumb remained on my cheek.
“Youcantalk to me, Frankie. I’m sorry I made you feel like you can’t.” He closed his eyes and sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m…” His words trailed off before he groaned and tipped his head back, letting out a bitter laugh in the process. “Fuck. I’m so bad at this. But you already knew that.”
“I don’t care if you’re bad at it,” I said, inching closer to him. “We don’t have to have these serious, deep conversations where we dissect your past.” Even as I said the words, I knew desperately that I did in fact want to do just that. “I want toknow if you’re leaving when the ski hill closes and your lessons are over,” I finished.
There. That was a start. With Oliver, we had to start small. And small meant figuring out how soon I had to say goodbye to him. Whatever happened, I wanted to be prepared. I had grown attached to seeing him at Marie’s and to our little rituals. I had become addicted to his soft kisses and the way he looked in his snowboarding jacket. Theoretically, he was a fling and this phase of my life was fleeting. But regardless, I still needed to know just how fleeting it was. I needed to prepare myself. This goodbye was going to be a lot harder than I wanted to let myself believe.
“I don’t know.”
His words flattened the optimistic anticipation blooming in my chest.
As if noticing my crestfallen face, Oliver gave a small shake of his head. “I’ve been trying nonstop to think about what’s next for me.” He sighed and dropped his hands from my face. “But nothing feels right. None of it feels like what I want to do.”
“You just got here. Maybe you haven’t stayed in Key Ridge long enough to figure out what you want your next move to be.” The hopefulness in my voice made me want to puke. I wasn’t the romantic in the family. That was reserved for Mattie. Right now, though, I wanted to say anything and everything that would get Oliver to consider staying. Just for a little while longer. We’d barely had any time together in the grand scheme of life.
“I don’t know what I’m doing next,” he finally said. “I don’t know if I’m leaving… But I don’t want to. Not yet.”
The last words reignited the hope within me, but I didn’t dare look too excited.
“Good,” I said simply.
That got him to shake his head and let out a low chuckle. “That’s all you have to say?”
I shrugged and put my best “unaffected look” on my face. “I think you should stay. No point in leaving if you haven’t figured out what you want next. And no better person to help you figure that out than someone who obsessively plans for her future.” I waved to myself.
Before I could continue on my tirade, Oliver slipped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my face to his, kissing me. His smell always overwhelmed me anytime he was this close. I wasn’t sure when I would get used to him. Butterflies still fluttered every time he touched me, and it didn’t look like that would be going away any time soon.
When he pulled away after a minute, I licked my lips breathlessly. He stayed, his face hovering close to mine. He tugged a piece of hair that framed my face and shook his head.
“It’s okay to just say you’ll miss me, you know,” he said.
I let out a surprised laugh, and he rewarded me with another kiss before pulling back.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I said, not wanting to admit to myself how much truth there was in his words. I nervously leaned away from him and started to eat the crackers he’d produced from the cabinet a minute ago. “You know this is a sad excuse for a snack, right?” I held it up in disapproval.
Oliver smiled. “I don’t like to keep a lot of snacks around. I’ll eat them all.”
No wonder he was always eating dinner at Marie’s.
“The point of having snacks is to eat them, silly.” I poked him in the chest, and he kissed my forehead. Just like that, the seriousness of our conversation had evaporated.
“I have to stay in shape.”
“I think the insane amount of snowboarding you do hasgot you covered in that department.” I prodded his abs, which were rock solid.
“Hey!” He squirmed away from me.
“Don’t tell me you’re ticklish,” I said, reaching out and pinching his side.
