He swatted my hand away, laughing, before jumping toward me and tickling my sides. A squeal escaped me as I writhed on the countertop, but Oliver didn’t relent.
“I give. I give,” I choked out, and he finally stepped back, still hovering above me.
There was a palpable change between us as Oliver stared at me, our faces only inches apart. Everything was charged and something deep in my gut flipped.
“You’re so fucking cute,” he whispered while I caught my breath. I was sure my face was completely beet red at this point.
His eyes studied mine before he dipped his head and kissed me.
I lingered, savoring every second of this. I’d never been kissed the way Oliver kissed me. Both with the comfort of familiarity, as if we’d known each other for years, and the electric thrill that only came with someone new. He always touched my face and I liked how connected it made me feel to him. I craved it.
Leaning my whole body into him while still balancing on the countertop, I deepened the kiss. He brought his hand down, letting his arms cage me on either side. All I had to do was scooch a few inches forward and I’d get that contact I so desperately wanted.
When he slipped his tongue into my mouth, I decided to stop denying myself. I grabbed his arms and tugged him toward me at the same time I scooted forward on the countertop. As soon as we made contact, I moaned into his mouth. Icould feel how hard he was for me, and I wanted more. Judging from the way Oliver removed his hands from the counter to wrap them around my waist and bring me closer to him, I wasn’t the only one affected by the contact.
I had been thinking about this for weeks. Maybe since I first met Oliver, if I was being honest with myself. I grasped at the bottom of his shirt and started to pull upward, revealing his abs that I wished I could spend all evening tracing.
His hands fell to the top of my ass and he squeezed. I grinded into him, eager to explore this further.
But then, as fast as we started, Oliver pulled away and gave a reluctant shake of his head. “Maybe we should slow down.” His voice was gruff, as if he could barely get the words out.
“W-what?” I asked, baffled.
He was practically physically restraining himself from me and I wanted nothing more than to leap from this counter and straddle him. Slowing down was the last thing on my mind.
He dragged a hand down his face, looking completely tortured. “Because I like you,” he said in a pained manner.
I snorted, those being the last words I expected to come out of his mouth right now. “Um. Yeah, that’s usually a catalyst to moments like these, not a deterrent.”
“Damn it,” he hissed, frustration written all over his face. “It’s just—I just… Fuck.” He balled his fists and rubbed them against his eyes before pacing the small kitchen.
His reaction sobered my desires slightly. Rejection from Oliver had been the last thing I expected and it was hitting me hard. Sure, the date might have ended messy, but I thought we’d come to the conclusion that we wanted each other. He’d been giving me all the signals. Even now, I had no idea what the hell was going on. How could he say he liked me and then back away in the same moment?
I slid off the counter, unsure of what to do. “Should I go?” I asked, praying he’d say no.
That snapped him out of his daze. He stopped pacing, crossed back to me, and stood in front of me, taking my hands in his. “No, God, please. Don’t go. That’s the last thing I want.”
“You’re being confusing as hell right now.”
“I know,” he groaned.
“What’s going on?” I asked softly. “Why are you pulling away right now?”
“I—I don’t know. I’ve never done this before.”
“Had sex?” I arched an eyebrow, knowing for a fact that was completely false.
“No. Not that.” His eyes searched mine. “After tonight, I’ve shared more with you than I’ve shared with any other girl. I’ve-I’ve never had a real relationship. At the risk of sounding like a total loser, I’ve never done this with a girl I like as much as you. It feels…heavy.”
His admittance sucked the air right out of my lungs.
“Heavy,” I repeated.
“That sounds so fucking stupid,” he grunted. “Shit. I should have kept my mouth shut.”
I thought about all the times Oliver had taken a serious moment and turned it into a joke, or when we’d try to have a deeper conversation and he’d brush it off. He never seemed to feel anything beyond the surface. Somehow, even sex with me had become another extension of that.
Maybe I should have felt insulted by his hesitation to take the next step with me, or maybe I should have been worried that the moment it was over, he’d ghost me and become nothing more than a memory. But I couldn’t bring myself to feel either of those things. Instead, I felt oddly privileged—thrilled, even, that somehow, I’d gotten under his skin in a way no one else ever had.
