“Ugh,” I groan in frustration. “Why can’t I just be normal? It’s so infuriating. I’m constantly second guessing myself. Liam seems to have taken away any ability I have to think for myself. My whole life is a mess because of that one person, and just as I was starting to feel more normal, I fall for Clay.”
They both give each other a knowing look as I continue on my tangent. “I mean, I know there’s never really a perfect time, but I wanted to sort my life out before I got into another relationship. And now, look what’s happened. I can’t even do that. Every fucking time, I get inside my own head, and everything falls apart. I mean, I can’t even keep my children.”
All of a sudden, I’m overwhelmed. The room feels like it’s closing in, and my breathing becomes erratic. My vision beginsto blur, and my throat closes as I try to suck in the air. I sit on the floor, beginning to see spots, my hair tangling in my hands as I pull on the roots. Red kneels in front of me, grabbing my hands, untangling them from my hair.
“Look at me,” she pleads, squeezing my hands gently. “Bella, open your eyes, focus on me.” I open my eyes. “That’s it, just focus on me. Breathe in, one . . . two . . . three . . . four,” she says in a soothing tone as she does the same. “And out. One . . . two . . . three . . . four.” I repeat this a few times, evening out my breathing and allowing the panic attack to subside. Red remains kneeled in front of me as Rochelle sits beside me. How did I get so lucky? I don’t deserve their kindness. I slide my hands out of Reds and run my clammy hands down my jeans.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, self-conscious.
“You never need to apologise,” Rochelle offers reassuringly.
“I’m a mess,” I mumble. “Why would he even want to be with me?” I ask quietly, more to myself than anyone else.
“Because he obviously feels something for you,” Red soothes. “It will all work out, I promise. These men may be arseholes at times, but they’ll fight with everything to protect you, and he’ll help make you whole again. Don’t give up on him before you’ve even given it a shot.”
I nod, suddenly exhausted from the events of the day. At least for now, I’m not running.
Clay
I sit outside the bedroom door like a chastised fucking schoolboy, wishing she would just talk to me, give me a chance to explain. I know I’ve been an arse, and that’s exactly why Pres pushed me. I either claimed her there and then, or I would have to risk her, risk everything. There was no way I could keep her safe, help her if she wasn’t here.
I hear the commotion when she starts panicking, and I want nothing more than to burst in there, hold her, support her, but I know I’m the last person she wants to see right now. I feel a sense of relief when Red and Rochelle leave the room, shutting the door delicately behind them. Rochelle glares at me, standing in front of the closed door, her arms folded over her chest. I pull myself to stand.
“She okay?” I ask, nodding at the door.
“Yes, no thanks to you,” Rochelle spits. “I thought you were better than the rest of them, Clay.”
“What’s that supposed to fucking mean?” I growl under my breath, not wanting to cause a commotion outside my room. She shakes her head in disappointment, walking away without so much as another word.
Red stands there protecting the entrance to my room.
“You know what Rochelle’s like—she makes it her priority to protect the ol’ ladies, and well, seeing as you just claimed Bella, you need to face the wrath of Rochelle when you fuck up,” she shrugs, smirking, almost relishing in my inner turmoil.
“I had no fucking choice, Red.”
“We always have a choice, Clay, and you more than anyone should know that.”
“I fucked up. I went against Pres’s wishes, and he forced my hand. It was the only way I could protect her.”
“Well, now, you have to tread carefully. Give her time. You can’t waltz in there and manipulate her or you’ll be no better than Liam.” I flex my knuckles at the sheer mention of his name. He was the one to break her, but I was making it my duty to save her.
“I want to explain. Drifter didn’t give me a chance to talk to her. I either did it then or my claim wouldn’t stand. Just tell me she’s okay,” I plead, and Red nods, offering a weak smile.
“Red,” Rock hollers as he approaches us. “Trouble in paradise already?” he laughs. Red slaps him around the back of the head. “Ouch, that fucker hurt.”
“It was supposed to, numb nuts.”
“Congrats, brother,” Rock says as he places his arm around Red, lifting her off the floor into his arms. “But I need my ol’ lady. We’ve got a date in the bedroom. Child-free night.” He winks as he carries her off down the hallway. She kicks her legs as Rock bites her ear.
I place my hand on the door handle.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Red shouts, peering around Rock’s shoulder.
I sigh, removing my hand and placing my palm against the wood. I would have to tread carefully, but at least she was nowmine.
I stretch, trying to ease my aching muscles. The small sofa in the bar is not big enough for my six-foot frame, and my legs dangle over the arm. The sunrise pierces through the blinds. There was no rest for me last night. Not only was I aching for Belle to hear me out, but without her in my arms, my nightmares were back haunting me, reminding me that I can never truly escape my past. Ever since that first night when Belle comforted me, my nightmares have been held at bay with her presence. Yet here I am, sleeping in the bar, wearing the same clothes I was in yesterday. The low hum of a headache from the whiskey I consumed after I’d royally fucked up buzzes around my head. The door swings open and Hazel waltzes in, humming some tune I don’t recognise. I groan, wanting to be left to wallow in my own self-pity.
“Shut the fuck up,” I hiss, sitting up and running my hands over my face. I wince at the swelling around my eye.
