“Normally, if you have to ask that question, the answer’s yes.” Felix gave a wry grin to let Leo know he didn’t mind him showing concern, not really.
Leo’s head jerked up. “Rude!”
Felix shrugged. “I thought you liked it when I gave you cheek, because it means you have an excuse to colourmycheeks.”
The concern faded from Leo’s eyes and the smile he gave was dark and full of promise andfarpreferable to his fussing. “Brat. I can’twaittill you’re back in full health so I can spank you properly. I have a brand-new brush, and it’s not for use on my hair.”
Felix stepped close and slid his hands down Leo’s back, feeling the breadth of the muscles there, and a shiver ran through him as he imagined them flexing while Leo spanked him. He placed a series of soft kisses up the side of Leo’s throat, and Leo tilted his head back and let out a shaky moan when Felix scraped his teeth over the tendons of his throat. “If the maester says I’m well enough to go back to my cottage, does that mean I’m well enough to come and see you tonight?” Felix murmured, fairly certain he already knew the answer.
To his surprise, Leo hesitated. “About that.”
Felix stepped back, his stomach twisting with nerves. Had Leo come to tell him that this was over, that he was tired of him already?
Leo must have read the worry on his face because he said, “I’d like nothing better than to see you tonight, but Princess Sophia is arriving back this afternoon for a week’s stay. I’m not sure if I’ll be free.”
It was so unexpected that Felix pulled up short. “What?” Why was Sophia coming back? Unless… “Don’t tell me she’s decided to marry you after all?” he asked, dreading the answer.
Leo actually laughed, and the knots in Felix’s stomach unravelled slightly. His tension eased further when Leo said, “In truth, she’s sweet on one of my knights, and while this trip is dressed up as trade talks, I suspect she’s here to woo her man. So at least I’m safe from the spectre of matrimony.”
Felix should have been comforted, but his heart dropped as he was hit by the hopelessness of the situation. Leo might not marry Sophia, but he’d marrysomeone—and it wouldn’t be Felix. “Safe for now,” he said quietly.
Leo gave him a sharp look. “I beg your pardon?”
Felix took a deep breath. “For now. Youwillhave to marry and provide an heir eventually. It’s almost a shame it’s not Sophia, because I think you could actually be happy together.”
“Oh, absolutely not,” Leo said. “She’s far too clever for me and would likely murder me in my sleep for my annoying habits. And anyway, why are you suddenly so keen on marrying me off?” His brow creased.
“I’m not. I’m just being realistic. This”—Felix waved a hand between them and swallowed hard—“is fun, but we both know it doesn’t—can’t—mean anything.” His chest constricted at the lie.
Leo took a half step back like he’d been struck, and his mouth opened then closed again before he said, “Flick, you must know that’s not true. I’m very fond of you. In fact, not seeing you these last few weeks has shown me justhowfond. I think I might—”
“Don’t.”Felix forced the word out before Leo said something they’d both regret. “Don’t say what I think you’re about to say, because I can’t say it back.”
The look Leo gave him was nothing short of betrayed. “Are you saying you don’t care?”
“I’m saying I know how this goes. Maybe you won’t marry this princess, or even the next one, but it’s bound to be one of them. Sooner or later, you’ll end up wed and bred with some pretty young thing, doing your duty for the kingdom.” Felix’s eyes burned and he turned away so Leo wouldn’t see.
“And what if I don’t? What if I just let the throne pass to my cousin?” There was a note of pleading in Leo’s voice that almost had Felix turning back. Just for a moment, a shard of something that felt suspiciously like hope pierced his heart. It was sharper than any blade he’d ever encountered—and more deadly too, because he knew even as he felt it that it was false. He also knew that if he entertained the hope those words awoke in him for even a moment, he’d end up with his heart sliced to ribbons.
“Your cousin’s not fit to walk a dog, let alone run a kingdom. He’s known as Evan the Embarrassment. You can’t tell me you’d seriously consider letting him inherit the throne.”
Leo’s silence told him all he needed to know.
“That’s what I thought.” Even though he’d been expecting it, the tacit rejection stung. Felix let out a shaky breath, squared his shoulders, and pretended that he wasn’t hurting inside. “I’m going for a ride. I need to clear my head.”
“Don’t leave. Please.”
Felix forced himself not to turn around. “I’ll be careful,” he said, deliberately misunderstanding. “I won’t take Shadow past a walk.” He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his boots on, keeping his head down.
“Will you come to me tonight?” Leo’s voice was barely a whisper. “Just to talk?”
Felix wasn’t sure what there was left to talk about. Still, he found himself saying, “Of course.”
Even now, as much as his heart ached, he found he couldn’t say no to the man he was almost certainly in love with.
* * *
Shadow’s coat was warm, his body was solid enough for Felix to lean against comfortably, and the horse didn’t judge him as, his face buried deep in horsehair, he sniffed through a few stupid tears that he couldn’t quite hold back.
