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Wrapped up in a woolen jacket, I headed out onto the back patio to get some air. Crying had helped let out some of the emotion and tension filling up inside of me. But it didn't do anything to ease me feeling like an outsider. Nor the growing anxiety over me needing to get back to my work. The mother of all jobs had fallen into my lap via email the night before. Fortunately, the customer was willing to give me a week to finish up here in Coeur d'Alene before getting down to business. It felt good, to have fresh ideas flooding my head, to get the creative juices flowing. But having the job hanging over my head, the customer's expectations, everything just waiting, got my nerves all amped up.
Maybe part of me had accepted it was time to go home, even if the thought of leaving Joe cut deep. Gah. Too many thoughts were going around and around in my head. Maybe I should just chop it off.
"Hey," said Joe. "Wondered where you were hiding."
I shrugged. "There's a lot of people in there."
"Yeah. Thanks for coming today."
"Of course."
He sat down on the cool old porch swing beside me, making it gently sway. Last night, he'd slept with me in my hotel room again. And again, nothing had happened. Joe's libido had gone on hiatus while he dealt with everything. I didn't really blame it.
"Shit." He winced, feeling out the best position for his cast. "Man, I can't wait to get this thing off."
"When do you go back to the doctor?" I asked.
"Checkup in a couple of days."
I nodded. "How's Eric doing?"
Another wince. "I don't know. Having Star staying with us seems to help distract him a little. They always got on well."
"That's good."
He raised a brow.
"Just because she and I aren't besties doesn't mean I don't think it's great she's here for Nell and Eric."
With his free hand, he gave my knee a squeeze. "Thanks, Little Miss."
"I just don't want her hurting you again."
"I know." He gave me a halfhearted smile. "Don't worry, that's not going to happen. Right now, I'm just taking it one day at a time. Relationships aren't even on the horizon."
Didn't I know it.
"Mom's going to go see Nell's grief counselor," he said. "Have a talk with him."
"That's good." I gave his hand a squeeze. "She seems so lost."
"Mm." He sighed. "Eric's throwing himself into the bar, keeping busy. Wants to help out with the construction as well."
"I guess I'd want to keep busy too."
A nod. Followed by another flash of a not-so-believable smile. "Maybe I'll come visit you in Seattle once the job's finished. We could celebrate, go to a nice restaurant or something."
"That'd be great."
He didn't say anymore and neither did I. There didn't seem to be any need. We sat in silence, enjoying the afternoon light. Brilliant autumn colors were slowly coming in, turning the green trees shades of blazing orange, red, and pink. I bet winter here was beautiful. A pain in the ass sometimes to deal with, but beautiful nonetheless. Maybe Joe could send me some pictures since I wouldn't be here to appreciate the view.
Surely we'd still be friends from afar. I couldn't imagine losing him from my life completely.
*
"Alex, can I have a moment?"
Well fuck. I put a calm smile on my face and turned to face her. "Hi, Star. Sure."
It was my own fault for coming downstairs in search of caffeine. Except Joe and I had gotten desperate and apparently Star's deliveries to upstairs had dried up ever since he'd refused her romantic advances. Fancy that.
I leaned my hip against the service counter, waiting on Lydia to make the two take-away coffees. Over behind the bar, Eric was keeping busy. Seemed like he never stopped moving, finishing one job then rushing on to the next.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I'm worried about Joe." Silver bangles tinkled on her arm as she tightened her regulation ponytail. "I know you're trying to help him. But I don't think you understand him as well as you think you do."
I just blinked.
"Men like him, they need the time and space to sort things out for themselves," she said, her gaze searching me intensely. "You know?"
"All right."
"I don't know if you realize, but, he's taken a lot of blame for the accident on himself."
"Mm."
She wrung her hands, taking a deep breath. "And what with Stan ... that's his father, by the way--"
"Oh, okay."
"Well, Stan is a bit of a moody silent type himself," she said. "So Joe's always used his work time to think things through, you know?"
I said nothing.
"But now, with you being here, and I know you're trying to help and that's so great of you," her smile turned anguished, "it's just, I'm worried you might be hindering more than you're helping."
"I see." I frowned.
"Also, Joe's told me a little about your business and how you're from Seattle and everything. Eventually, sometime soon, you're going to have to go home, right?" A certain light shone in her beady little eyes. The day after a funeral with all of this heartbreak happening around her and she wanted to throw down with me over this flimsy bullshit? What a woman.
"Yes."
More wincing. "Is it really fair to Joe if he gets used to having you around and then you have to leave?"
More nothing from me.
"I'm guessing you and Joe are close?"
"What is it exactly that you want to know, Star?"
Her mouth opened and closed. "Oh. Well. It's not really any of my business."
"No, it's not."
"I just worry about him."
"That
's nice." I wiped my dusty hands off on my equally dusty jeans. "And I can see you've really given this a lot of thought."
"I care about Joe a lot. I love him, I always will." She gave me a pitying look. "We were together a long time, Alex. A bond like that doesn't just disappear."
"No, it wouldn't." I wanted to smack the prying, manipulating cow down so bad. But I didn't. "But I don't think leaving him alone to mess his arm up worse trying to keep up with the project is the answer. Thank you for your concerns, Star. I'll give them some thought."
"You don't know when you might be leaving?" she asked with just a touch too much eagerness. If ever I'd been tempted to scratch someone's eyes out, this boho bitch was pushing me right up to the edge. "The fact is, I'm here now, Alex. He doesn't need you. He has all of his family and friends. You putting your life on hold isn't necessary. Surely you can see that."
Well. "Wow. I'm glad you feel you can be so open and honest with me. But the thing is, Star, having an opinion doesn't automatically make you right."
"Here you go." Lydia slid the two take-aways onto the counter, giving us both wary looks.
"Thanks," I told her with a genuine smile. At least not everyone here would be chasing me out of town with pitchforks. "I better deliver these while they're hot. Star, I'll be sure to give what you said lots and lots of thought."
Her smile was a fleeting thing.
Whatevs.
I stomped back up the stairs, just a wee bit pissed off.
Joe looked up from coating the freshly sanded wooden window frames. "You okay?"
"Living the dream, baby."
"Mmhmm." He cringed ever so slightly at my use of the endearment.
I winked at him, throwing in a slightly tired smile. "Here. Caffeinate."
"Thanks." He took a sip. "I think you're real pretty with all that sawdust in your hair."
"Do you, now."
"Oh yeah. Brings out those cute little freckles on your nose."
I smiled for real this time. "Took me hours to get it looking just right."
Pain filled his eyes and he gritted his teeth, bracing his bad arm. "Damn it."
"I think we need to move up your doctor's appointment."
"It's tomorrow. Why bother?"
From his back pocket he pulled out a strip of painkillers and popped a couple. "Stop frowning, Little Miss. It's first thing tomorrow morning and I'm definitely going."
