He closes the door, and the water turns on a minute later, and all I can do is plug my ears and say, “La la la,” to myself to block out the sound.
No. That’s silly. I’m an adult. I can turn on the TV!
Except, it’sYou’ve Got Mail.
Romance? Really??
I change it to a home renovation show.
Perfect.
And now, with thoughts of Ollie and his misunderstanding very firmly behind me, I pull out my phone and see a message from half an hour ago.
GreenArrow11
Do you ever not do something just to be ornery and then have it backfire on you?
There’s no way you do that. But I do, and I don’t get why.
GracieLou
Your family had really high expectations of you, right? Maybe the fact that you never got to make your own choices means that you sometimes make the wrong choice just so you can enjoy the freedom of it. That would make sense to me.
And you’re right that I don’t do that, because you already know I have the exact opposite problem.
I want to stop caring about what everyone else will think if I don’t do exactly what they want. Is there a chance that the world won’t fall apart if I take a stand? Do something I want, for a change?
He’s not on right now, but he was only a half hour ago. So I roll out my arms and neck as I stare at my screen. And when he doesn’t respond, I look up to see a woman on the TV taking a sledgehammer to a wall.
I wince, hating every second.
The host starts talking about open concept floor plans, about homes existing for people instead of the other way around, but I’m too horrified by the demolition to let it sink in. The woman is swinging that sledgehammer, and the wall keeps crumbling down.
My phone chirps, and I look down to see that Arrow has responded. My heart leaps in my chest.
GreenArrow11
The world will not fall apart if you stand up for yourself. Is what you want bad?
GracieLou
I’m not talking some big, life-changing thing here. I’m talking…I don’t know what. A life that isn’t driven by obligation.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to help people. But I feel like I’m a walking buffet that’s open 24 hours a day. I’m serving up things people don’t even want, but I keep offering just in case.
GreenArrow11
Close up the buffet, Gracie. They don’t deserve constant access to you.
GracieLou
I can’t do that. I would never be happy shutting people out.
GreenArrow11
It’s not as bad as all that.
GracieLou
