I don’t believe you.
Also, you’re wrong. You *do* let people in.
You’ve let me in.
GreenArrow11
Only because you’re cute.
GracieLou
*picks teeth with dagger*
If we ever meet face to face, you have to promise not to be disappointed.
GreenArrow11
Not possible.
But that’s not likely, right?
Aren’t you happy with what we have?
GracieLou
Totally! <3
Just remember: letting people in is amazing!
GreenArrow11
I’ll take that under advisement.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
How do I tell him I’mnothappy with what we have when he’sallI have?
It’s not like I want him to propose, but he’s my closest friend, and this is all I ever get. Conversation, back-and-forth, thoughts and feelings. But not questions. I told him I had a case that ended up blowing my life up, and he didn’t pry at all.
Our conversations are all theory, no application. I can tell him in the vaguest terms, “here’s my problem. What am I supposed to do?” but never with all the context and specifics that can help me in the real world. And I never get to laugh about coworkers. Even now, I can’t really complain that my boss put me on a case I said I didn’t want, because he won’t take the bait. There’s no chance for me to share how hard it was, to sob over how I got triggered in a courtroom looking at kids staring at their dad in a way that was all too familiar …
Why is this so hard?
What if I’m honest and say,“Actually, I’m not happy. I want more. I want to meet you. I want this to be real!”
But what if he says no and I lose everything wedohave?
I log off without our normal sign-off. I’m too hurt, not by Arrow, but by my own expectations.
We were both clear about what we wanted when we started chatting last year.
It’s not his fault I need more.
I plug in my phone. The shower’s off, but the door’s still closed. What’s Fletch doing in there, shaving? Trolling people on Reddit? The door finally opens, and my eyes drop.
He’s only wearing a towel around his waist.
And wow, is he fit.
