Aidan is weird about sex, not that I have anything to compare him to. He only wants sex in one position, and it always seems like a means to an end. For him, that is. But now he’s speaking to others about me like I’m a whore and saying that he wants them to watch us.
I’ve only ever been with Aidan. But there was one time where I initiated sex in a position other than missionary and it was a disaster. He determined I was the biggest whore in existence and hit me so hard he broke my jaw in two places. He has always insisted sex isn’t for me. It’s about whathewants and my body is for his use. I’m not permitted to orgasm. The less I enjoy it, the more he seems to.
“I’m going to claim you by stripping you naked and fucking you while the entire pack watches the day you turn twenty-one. Then I’ll sink my teeth into you and mark you as mine forever,” Aidan asserts, his voice low and steady. As if he hadn’t just promised me the most humiliating experience imaginable. My parents are in this pack. Every friend I’ve ever had, as well as every male who has ogled me and made comments behind my back. They don’t respect me already, but how am I supposed to look any of them in the eye after they see me in that position? How could I ever be their Luna after that?
I don’t respond. My throat closes as I try desperately to keep breathing, praying to stay conscious. I pinch at my thigh in an attempt to refocus my mind on the pain. John is laughing, his eyes glued to my chest as he slaps Aidan on the back. Congratulating him on his decision to basically rape me in public. Caleb’s eyes bore into mine. His glare is different, but no less uncomfortable.
“Seeing as we have been together so long already, Emily’s first heat shouldn’t be long after her birthday. She’ll be pregnant by equinox.” Aidan says with a grin in my direction. Then he turns back and starts talking about Goddess knows what, as if he hasn’t just said the most awful thing I can imagine. Like I’m not sitting here trying to swallow the bilethat's rising up my throat. The idea of bringing Aidan’s pup into the world settles into my mind like an icy dread.
I’ve always wanted to have a family of my own. But not like this.
Not withhim.
What if we have a little boy that Aidan could mold to be like him? How could I survive watching him shaping my child to be a monster like his father. Or a little girl who might end up in a relationship like mine or my mom’s? I can’t let that happen, but how can I stop it?
I can’t even protect myself.
My breathing is labored, and I feel like I’m going to pass out as Aidan continues talking as if he hasn’t dropped the worst bomb imaginable. I can’t hear anything over the rush of blood in my ears. Aidan steers me into my seat at the top table with a painful grasp of my elbow, where we sit overlooking the warriors. Dinner appears as soon as we sit down. I move my food around and pretend to eat as I sit there simmering with my usual feelings of fear, but also for the first time, something else; rage.
The chilling thought strikes me: this will keep getting worse, and the constant chipping away at my soul by him will never end, leaving me a fractured ruin of my former self, devoid of all essence. He will take my pups and destroy them the same way he has destroyed me. Instead of feeling defeated, though, a spark of defiance ignites within me for the first time in so long.
I can’t bring a pup into this pack. A pack where females are second-class citizens and violence against them is encouraged as a means to keep them in place.
I’m going to have to get as far away from Aidan as possible.
Far enough that he won’t be able to track me through the mate bond.
Far enough that even fate itself can’t drag me back.
Chapter 2
Emily
It takes another two days before an opportunity to get out of Blood Moon arises. I overhear Aidan talking to his Beta, Elijah, about a meeting for ‘The Keepers’ and they both leave soon after to prepare. I don’t know what ‘The Keepers’ are, but there's an event once per month that takes up most of the warriors’ attention and energy. It’s my best shot to get a head start.
During these events, Elijah oversees the pack, and border patrol thins out, focused elsewhere. Elijah isn’t as cruel as Aidan—he doesn’t seem to take pleasure in violence—but he’s still complicit. He didn’t say a word any of the times he saw Aidan beat me black and blue. Elijah is the only one who Aidan allows into our home to check on me when he is out of the pack. He never speaks to me, and I never ask him for anything. He’s not there to check on me and make sure I’m okay, but to keep tabs on me.
I pack a small waterproof bag of essentials: clothing, a decent pair of boots, protein bars, and the money I have been putting aside for the past year. It should be enough to catch a bus and pay for accommodation for a couple of weeks, maybe find a human town and lie low while I work and earn enough money to leave the country entirely.
Far enough away that, if the mate bond snaps into place on my twenty-first birthday, Aidan won’t be able to trace me through it.
I slip out my back door, but before I head for the woods, I pause and gaze toward my parents’ cabin. Can I really leave without seeing them again? I want to maximize the time before Aidan knows I’m gone, but I’m also worried that this might be my last chance to say goodbye. An unsettling mix of anxiety and anticipation churns in my stomach, creating a knot that refuses to untangle. I don’t think I can leave without seeing Mom one last time.
My palms are clammy, and a tingling sensation creeps up my arms, making the hair stand on end. My wolf encourages me to try to steady myself by tuning into my environment.Drawing my attention to the woodsy scent of the nearby pine trees, the sound of birdsong in the distance, the warmth of the sun on my face.
It’s a huge risk, but I can’t imagine not saying goodbye. I’m an only child and while Dad and I have never been close, Mom was my best friend when I was growing up.
She has been the person I’ve missed most over the past couple of years. Her kindness, how she always thought food was the answer to every issue life presented, and the way she had a million different pet names for me. I tuck my bag behind a tree at the edge of the forest and dart back towards the residential cabins. I keep myself in the shadows and run between the warrior cabins until I make it to my parents’ place and slip inside the back door.
“Mom, Dad,” I call out as I rush through the cabin searching for them before her scent leads me to Mom in my parents’ bedroom. She’s in the middle of putting away laundry that she drops when she sees me. The look in her eyes as she gazes at me guts me. She has lost weight, and her beautiful face has lines that were not there when I last saw her.
“Emily, sweetie, have you come home?” Mom asks, with tears in her eyes. She lunges towards me with her arms stretched out. Logically, I know she is going to hug me, but I can’t help flinching at the sudden movement before I return her embrace. “Oh, my baby girl.” Her words are a gentle whisper as I relax and melt into her arms.
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
Tears roll freely down my face. I don’t know how to tell her I need to leave, but sometimes moms know you better than you know yourself. She grasps my hand and pulls me into my old bedroom. Still frozen in time; the pink walls and frilly white bed sheets remind me of the girl I used to be. Back before I knew how harsh my life could truly be. Mom roots in the wardrobe before handing me a backpack. As I look inside, I take in its contents; a phone, bank card in my name, and a wad of cash.
“You won’t be safe here, honey. I’ve wanted to come to you and help get you away from that sorry excuse for an alpha.” Disgust paints her face, but her eyes hold only heartbreak. “I tried, but he used his alpha command to stop me. I couldn’t reach you. But I’ve had this ready to go, waiting for the day you’d come back to me.”
