I rub a hand against the ache in my chest. Taking deep breaths I try to refocus my mind rather than falling down the rabbit hole of Aidan’s voice in my head. I bring my focus back to the present—what I can see, what I can feel. The soft sheets. The light on the wall. But it’s not working. Anxiety gnaws at me and my skin feels too tight.
I stay in bed for another hour, waiting, hoping. But I need to accept the obvious; he isn’t coming.
Maybe something happened with John yesterday. I’m being selfish and self-centered. I need to stop this. It’s just another day, even if it feels like everything could change. Something more important must have come up.
Anything is more important than a worthless bitch like you. I told you no one else would want you except me.
I let out a sigh and begin getting ready for my day. It’s getting late, so I can try to catch Sofia after warrior training. The warriors are just finishing up as I approach the training hall, sweat-slick and chatting as they file out the doors. No Sofia. No Jackson.
“Hey Mike, have you seen Sofia?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
“Not today, but then it was Luca leading training this morning,” he says with a grin and a wink. I nod, forcing a smile that feels paper thin. On a different day, I might havelaughed and joked with him. But right now, her lack of attendance only highlights that Jackson wasn’t at training either. So where is he?
Probably moved on to someone who isn’t such a whore.
I walk towards his cabin while questions and fears race around in my head. Aidan’s voice is growing louder and more insistent. I knock at the door and wait anxiously for Jackson to answer as dread settles into my stomach. I’m about to walk away when the door opens, revealing a disheveled Jackson who has clearly just woken up.
“Emily, hey, I’m so sorry I didn’t come back. Ryan made me join them and, uh, I’ve had a lot on my mind.” He rubs his eyes and then runs his hands through his already messy hair.
That’s when I know. The scent is the same. Still comforting, still familiar—but it’s not any different from how it was yesterday.He isn’t my mate.
A solitary tear rolls down my cheek as I turn to walk away before my sorrow swallows me whole. I take a step back. “Okay.”
“Emily, wait!” He calls after me while grabbing my hand.
“It’s okay, Jackson. I get it.”
“Get what? What are you talking about?”
“We’re not mates.”
Jackson’s eyes bulge and his mouth drops. “Today is your birthday,” he rasps, slapping his hand over his face. “I’m so sorry, babe. My head is a mess, and I forgot. Can we go inside to talk?”
I don’t need to hear this. I don’t need to listen as he explains going from telling me he loved me last night to not wanting me at all today now that we aren’t mates and he has seen how much of a slut I am. The things we did last night. How I acted. It felt empowering at the time but in the cold light of day, it’s shame that I'm filled with.
Shaking my head as I try to hold back the tears that are welling up. “We aren’t mates. I need to be alone, Jackson.”
“Emily, no —listen to me. This isn’t about us not being mates. I love you and I’m so sorry that I fucked up this morning. I can’t explain it right now, but I promise it's not that I don’t care.”
I freeze. “You still love me?” I ask, my voice cracking as the tears flow freely.
He sweeps his arm under my legs and picks me up. He carries me inside as I sob into his shoulder, letting myself feel safe for just a second, even though I know it can’t last.
“I’m sosorry, baby.”
He sets me gently on the counter and moves around the kitchen, clattering dishes, making coffee. But he’s jumpy. Stiff. His fresh, earthy scent is becoming increasingly bitter. He’s hiding something. Something he's not saying.
My tears ease as I wait. Apprehension suffocates me as I try to guess what it might be if his feelings for me haven’t changed. He hands me my cup—just how I like it. Then adds caramel and vanilla syrup to his own. I watch him as he steps between my legs and meets my eyes.
“Emily… this has nothing to do with us, okay? We will figure things out. There’s some stuff going on that I can’t talk about right now, and I need you to trust me on this.”
“Okay… I believe you. But, Jackson, I have a problem.”
“What is it?”
“You aren’t my mate, which means Aidan could be.”
His expression hardens. My hands tremble and shake so much; I have to put my coffee down. “If he is my mate, he will be able to find me through the mate bond. He could already be on his way.” Jackson steps back and paces back and forth. His mind whirring as he processes my words.
