With the ladies back at their table, Penny arches a brow again, waiting. Still, I continue to stall by blowing on my hot coffee then I take a slow sip. It’s perfect. An Americano with heavy cream. Penny’s nails tap the tabletop, like any second she’ll jump across and pry my thoughts from my head.
“I’m not sure how to begin,” I say, still not making eye contact with her.
“So you two had a one-night stand in college. His number got destroyed with no way to reach him. Weeks later, you realize you’re pregnant.”
“Oh shit,” Jackson mutters under his breath. He’s wiping the perfectly clean table next to ours, eavesdropping. I spin sideways in my seat pointing a finger at him.
“Jackson,” I hiss. “This is a private matter. Don’t you have some lavender that needs muddling or something?”
Jackson smirks, hands going up in surrender. But he does disappear through the kitchen doors to give Penny and me our privacy.
Turning back to Penny, I sigh. “Yep. What a perfect summarythat was. The end.” I lift my coffee cup to my lips, only for Penny to reach across the table and slowly ease it back down.
She doesn’t even blink. “Jo, that’s not the end. You’ve kept this to yourself, all the details of how Abby came into this world. I’ve known you since I was six years old, and there’s something you’re not saying. It’s not like you to keep things from me. Especially something like this. Tell me what happened between you two.” She pauses and levels me with a look. “Leaving nothing out.”
Closing my eyes, I take a breath, puffing air into my cheeks and let it out slowly. How do I begin to describe what Tyler and I shared? Do I say even though it was only one night, it felt like forever? Like, in one single night I felt as though someone knew me better than anyone had my entire life? It was as though the library was some magical portal with the ability to fast forward weeks of getting to know someone, leaving us so much more than two strangers at a party. Or do I act like it was purely physical and nothing more. She’s right, other than this one thing, I’ve never kept secrets from Penny. So after a few seconds of hemming and hawing I tell her everything.
She sits with rapt attention as I recount every detail. From the drinking game, the sex, lying together holding one another, and finally, the wish I dared to speak aloud. My mind conjures it as easily as if it were yesterday.I wish the universe would find a way for me to keep you.
I pause, digging in my purse for the note he left, and slide it across the table to Penny. She unfolds it, a sheen of tears glistening in her eyes as she reads the words, faded with age, and releases a long breath. Sliding the note back to me, she and I sit staring at it, sitting in the truth of my predicament.
“What now?” Penny finally asks, breaking the silence.
“Honestly, I have no idea. He has an entire life somewhere, right? He’ll want to get back to that.”
Penny’s eyes narrow, head shaking. “Josephine Thomas. Youplan on telling him, right? Tyler deserves to be a part of Abby’s life.”
Unable to meet her stare, I train my eyes on my coffee cup.
“I know I have to. But I’m scared. And when he goes back to wherever he came from?—”
“Texas,” Penny supplies.
“When he goes back to Texas, what then? For all I know, he has a girlfriend waiting on him.”
“He told Austin he’s here indefinitely. And there’s no girlfriend.”
Summoning nonchalance, I pretend this news doesn’t stir emotions better left alone. Ones that feel an awful lot like hope.
I’ve had fourteen years to make peace with the way everything played out—or pretend I have. Those first years after Abby was born, I hoped and prayed some miracle would occur and our paths would cross again, but I knew it was impossible. Tyler was like a sketch of art taking up space in my mind, stolen from me before our story could be told in color.
Then Chad came along. When he left, I cobbled myself back together with duct tape and sheer force of will, and kept moving. One foot in front of the other, day by day. And my kids and I are fine.
Are you, though?That still small voice whispers in my head. The one I try really hard to ignore. But sometimes, the whispered voice can be heard the loudest, so loud it screams.
“I don’t know how to tell him,” I admit.
“Well, you should do it sooner rather than later. I figured it out immediately and not much gets past Tyler. It’s only a matter of time before he puts all the pieces together. Honestly, I’m shocked he hasn’t already, given how much Abby favors him. Allow him this opportunity to be a father, Josie.”
“And what makes you think he’d want to be involved? I’m a lot, Penny. What if we’re too much—I’m too much—and he leaves, too? I’m terrified I’ll ruin this for Abby.”
Penny shakes her head and rolls her eyes so far back in her head, I’m surprised they don’t get stuck.
“If you have to ask that then you don’t know Tyler.”
Her words give me pause. Because she’s right. I don’t know Tyler. There’s only the version of him I knew for one night. Now he’s a stranger, a stranger who’s about to find out he’s the father of a thirteen-year-old. Of course he’ll want to get to know her. But do I want him to get to know me as well? Maybe? I don’t know. With the history I’ve had, the thought is terrifying.
Penny takes my hand, and my eyes lift to meet hers. “He’s a good man, Jo. When he commits to something or someone, he’s the steadiest person in the room. And he never leaves their corner. There are no better hands for you and your kids to land in.”
