Graham takes a breath, presses his forehead to Colton’s back.
“It’s difficult, Graham. Of course it is. And even if our designation means we need or like something, that doesn’t always make us comfortable with it. I know a lot of men who’ve made very bad decisions and done things they regret because they were driven by their instincts.”
Graham nods against his skin. “Yeah. Well, I fought it. I wanted to pretend my designation didn’t matter and didn’t define me. But it does. It changes how I can interact withpeople and the things I think about or want. I’m not used to disappointing people. I’ve always been reliable and confident. Strong. I was the quarterback on my high school football team. I had a scholarship to college. Fucked up my knee the first year and got pretty depressed after that. I had a surgery that didn’t go well, and then another, and I was only twenty. This program was my chance to be whole again and perfect. It worked. But the cost has been pretty fucking high.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Just about a decade.”
“There’s no way you’ve been managing this for a decade on your own. With your designation as high as it is?”
“I did pretty well,” he says.
Which feels like a half answer.
Graham kisses his shoulder blade. It feels erotic but Colton knows it’s connection he’s seeking rather than sex. Graham is talking and Colton isn’t going to ruin the moment by making it about his dick.
Certainly not yet. He can feel the slick rise and fall of Graham’s nipples against his chest. He lifts Graham’s hand to his mouth, kisses his palm and the back of his hand. It seems like now is as good a time as any to find out about his past, after all. He thinks Graham wants to tell him. Maybe they can’t get anywhere without it being out in the open. “Was there ever anyone, Graham? That you trusted or tried to trust?”
Graham takes a step back, letting him go.
Colton turns around, ready to drag the man into his arms.
Graham won’t look at him. He’s blushing but it might be shame. “Not yet. Please? It isn’t… It’s just normal stuff. Wanting to impress Dominants and saying yes to things when I shouldn’t have. And I just decided I wouldn’t do that again. I was sick of being let down or used and discarded for the next pretty twink.And with my attitude and how I look, I wasn’t first choice for most Dominants.”
“I can’t believe that. You’re genuinely the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”
Graham trembles where he stands. “You’re different.”
“I hope so.” He drags one hand down and cups Graham’s heavy balls. He slides his fingers back, strokes them over Graham’s tight opening.
Graham whimpers. “I want you to be different. I want to try this with you.”
“Good. So do I. I’d love to give you what you need, sweetheart. Whatever that is.”
“Tell me,” Graham whispers, legs shuffling apart several inches in invitation.
“I think you like painhere, sweetheart. This tight little hole. You were so sweet when we were together. I want to give you more of that.”
“I—what about you? Your designation? What do you need?”
Now it’s Colton’s turn to be evasive. “We’ll find common ground. And I like that you want to be hurt and you think I can’t do it. That’s a pretty exciting prospect, Graham.”
Graham chuckles. “Oh yeah? I’ve been shot and beaten up and I get up and walk it off. You saw my hand and how quickly it healed. I don’t think you can hurt me, not really.” But the joking tone is a little strained. Like he’s hoping Colton is going to tell him he’s wrong.
He lifts Graham’s chin with a finger, forcing eye contact. “Is that still what you want? You want me to make you cry and hurt you, want me to be impressed by what you’lltakefor me?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Even when you don’t want to?” He presses harder, hard up under Graham’s chin, feels pushback as Graham swallows.“Think about it for a minute. That’s a different question. What if I want something and youdon’twant it?”
“Like what?” Graham gasps, his pupils dilating.
“Like I want to fuck you and you’re tired. Or I want you to not come while I do. Or maybe it will be something petty like wanting you to wear something you don’t want to just because it will please me. A red silk thong or a cock cage. Or maybe I just want to kiss you and be so sweet to you that it’s torture because you think you need a pounding.”
Graham’s breathing is uneven. “Yeah, I want that. Any or all of it. That doesn’t sound difficult. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”
“Maybe a little,” he says, but their answers don’t match and Colton isn’t quite sure how to explain it or if he needs to. He might be putting meaning on Graham’s words that isn’t there. But the way Graham asked sounded to Colton like he thought a submissive should do anything a Dominant wanted, and that each example was weighted the same.
