“And that’s what you like?” Graham asks before he can get his thoughts together.
“It’s a good place to start. I want you to prove yourself to me, both physically and mentally. Physically might be easier, but submission isn’t just the body. You won’t be struggling against me, sweetheart. That might be hot but we know how that will end. You don’t want to win. And I don’t want you to win.”
“So what does that mean?”
He strokes a finger down Graham’s cheek. “Who’s the one person you’ll struggle against the most?”
“Okay,” he says, frowning. “I get it. You think I’ll fight myself.” He shrugs. “I guess there’s pretty solid evidence for that conclusion.”
Graham tilts his head, licks his lips. He’s thinking, trying to come up with scenarios and solutions. Too damned smart for hisown good. “That assumes I don’t want what you want to give me. I’m pretty sure I want everything you want to give me. I do. I know it’s soon and maybe that’s a bit too forward, but I do. God, this is so lame. I’m not usually like this.”
Colton shushes him with his mouth, tells him how good he is, how sweet. “You’re down far is all. Vulnerable and receptive. You can touch me all you want, baby. And anything you need, just ask me. I’ve got you. I love you telling me how much you want me.”
“Okay. You’re right. And I do. Want you. I do.” And he rests back against Colton, sighing into his collarbone.
“Is there any pain you don’t like? Stingy or thuddy?”
“I don’t know. I guess I never thought about there being a difference,” he says after a long moment.
It feels like another lie, but why would he lie about that?
“What if I whipped you and you bled?”
“Is that what you want?”
Colton can’t see Graham’s face and literally has no idea what he’s thinking about any of these questions. “What if I put you in a cock cage and didn’t let you come?” he asks, waiting for some reaction.
“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned caging. Wouldn’t the buildup be a problem?”
Colton shakes his head. “No, we would just have to be careful. Milk you a lot. Keep you drained, and if you’re not coming but you ingest mine, you’d be okay. It’s a symbiotic relationship. I have what you need and you have what I need. I think we could find a way to keep you even despite that cock of yours being locked away.” And it would be Colton’s responsibility. That’s the appeal. Graham couldn’t take care of himself and that would be okay because Colton would. He’d own Graham’s cock and his come.
“I can do that for you,” Graham says, almost bashful. But does hewantit? Hell, maybe he doesn’t know what he wants.Maybe it’s unfair of Colton to expect him to know what he wants or might like when he’s so inexperienced. And the experience he has had hasn’t been good. He’d like for Graham to think of their time together as a fresh start
“Perhaps we try lots of things and see where we wind up? Get your toxins down, get you coming a lot, dropping down the right way and feeling good about everything, and then we experiment.”
“I don’t usually feel good about my designation.”
Colton holds him tight, gently rubs the side of his neck, his fingers digging into his tendons and glands. “Right. So it’s like a bad trip. And your designation is so high that you get a lot of toxin buildup quickly. How often do you come?”
Graham flinches, though it’s barely noticeable. But Colton’s holding him, so he notices. “After we were together, I came three or four times a day. I was hard all the time. But, um, after that it dropped off. Back to normal.”
“What’s normal?” He can tell Graham is trying to dodge the question.
Graham shrugs. “Depends. Once a day usually.”
“But sometimes less?” he guesses.
“Right.”
There’s no way that’s enough. And he’s pretty sure Graham is lying. “Well, there you go. So, you don’t come and then it builds up more, you go on a mission and you have all this stress and adrenaline, and you crash hard because you can’t get balanced with drugs like a lot of people can. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t either.”
His brow is furrowed. “And you… who helps you with that?”
Ah. He wants to tell Graham that his past is behind him, that from now on he’ll have Graham and only Graham, but that seems presumptuous and optimistic. Hell, maybe it’s even a little bit creepy. They haven’t even spent the night together.
“I have a few partners I see regularly and you, um… you should probably do that too, to stay balanced.” A large part of his brain is telling him that he is a fucking idiot and the last thing Graham should be doing is trying to find another partner.
And Graham wouldn’t do it anyway. Hell, if Graham had a choice in the matter, he wouldn’t be a sub and he wouldn’t be here because he would never choose to need Colton in the first place. He’s about to take it back, say he misspoke, but Graham beats him to it.
