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‘I don’t do this,’ Noah admitted, and Eloise raised her eyebrows. He obviously sensed her scepticism because he went on, ‘Not the sex. Yes, I’ve slept with women. Probably less than you think, but that’s not the point. I mean...’ He sucked in a deep breath. ‘Normally, this is easy. Casual. I don’t feel the need to ask questions, to get to know a woman’s personal history. But with you...it’s different. You’re different.’
Something in Eloise’s chest tightened. Part of her wanted to be pleased, to be proud to be something more than the usual casual encounter that Noah indulged in. But another, larger part of her heart was curling up in the corner of her ribcage, wishing he’d move on and stop noticing her.
Because, whatever he said, she knew the truth. He might not feel it now, but Noah Cross didn’t do deep and meaningful. Maybe he wanted to hear all about her childhood woes, but would he give her anything in return? She doubted it.
But still she found herself saying, ‘What do you want to know?’
‘She was an actress, right? Your mother?’ Eloise nodded. ‘So, is she the reason you don’t date actors?’
‘I don’t date actors because I’ve known too many of them,’ Eloise said with a sigh. ‘And most of them were sleeping with my mum.’
Noah winced. ‘Ah.’
‘Yeah.’ She turned onto her side so they were face to face in the darkness, what little light there was coming through the window glinting in his beautiful eyes. ‘She was a big fish in a small pond, I guess. She’d been on the West End stage before she had me. She was pregnant when she met my dad.’
‘He’s not your biological father?’
Eloise shook her head. ‘No. But he was the one who was there for me, every moment. Every step of the way.’
‘So, what happened? They got married?’
‘They did. And they moved out here, back to the town where my dad had grown up. His family were all gone but...he loved this place, and he wanted Mum to love it too. But she didn’t.’
Eloise sucked in a deep breath, preparing herself for the rest of the story. Living it had been horrendous, but surely just telling it couldn’t be that bad.
She’d never had to tell it before. Everyone else around here just knew.
‘The one thing she did like was the Theatre Society. Our town has a small community theatre. A proper stage, raked seats—the whole thing. So, after I was born, Mum joined the Theatre Society. And because she had the experience on the London stage, well, she became the main attraction pretty quickly, I think. As long as I remember, she had every starring role in every play or show they did there. And if she didn’t...well, she’d threaten to walk out until they changed their minds. They couldn’t afford to upset her, you see. She was their star.’
‘I’ve known actresses like that,’ Noah said drily. ‘And actors too. They’re not fun to work with.’
‘No. I can’t imagine Mum was, for most of the people in the society. But her leading men...’ This was the hardest part. ‘Every production, it was the same story. They’d cast the best-looking guy against her, and every time Mum would make him fall for her. Whether she fell for them too, I don’t know. She always claimed to be desperately in love with them—at least until the show was over. Then she’d drop them and come back to Dad, until the next show. But by then...she’d destroyed those men’s lives. Their marriages were in tatters, their reputations ruined. Some had left their families, lost their friends, sometimes even their jobs, for Mum. And she just forgot them the minute the curtain came down.’
‘How many times did she do this?’ Noah asked, his voice soft.
‘Too many. I don’t know. Maybe six, or seven? It didn’t start until I was about ten, I don’t think—or, if it did, she was more discreet about it. But by the time I was a teenager, everyone knew what she was. What she did. And every guy swore she wouldn’t get him—but she always did. If she wanted a man, she had him. And every time my dad was left humiliated.’
‘But he always took her back. Why?’
‘He loved her.’ It was as simple and as awful as that. ‘And she loved him too, I think. In her way. She always came home in the end, full of apologies and talk about how things would be different. And they were, for a time. It just never lasted.’
Eloise had always known, from watching her parents, that love was as much a trap as a blessing. That she had to be careful who she fell in love with—because that would be the rest of her life, right there. She could leave, or he could, but it wouldn’t change the fact that she loved him, and she’d carry that with her every day.
Was it any wonder she’d never let herself feel that deeply before?
And she wasn’t going to start with Noah Cross.
‘And Melissa held your parents’ behaviour over you?’ Noah guessed.
‘For years. She made sure everyone knew—and told everyone who’d listen that I was just like my mother. So no girls would be friends with me in case I stole their boyfriends, and no guys would risk being seen with me in case people made fun of them. I didn’t even have a proper boyfriend until just before I went away to university. There were a couple of guys at school...but Melissa stole them away pretty fast. Then Derek...’
‘Derek?’ Noah prodded when she trailed off, and Eloise sighed. This was the most humiliating bit.
‘The summer before I left for uni, I was in a play at the Theatre Society. I’d been in loads before, but always in the chorus or helping backstage. This was my first real role. And Derek...he was the director. Older than me—he was twenty-five, I think, to my eighteen. But he took a shine to me. He was my first real everything, I suppose.’
Noah shifted closer, something Eloise hadn’t thought was possible until she felt his arms holding her tighter. ‘What happened?’
‘Mum had the lead role, of course. But her leading man broke his leg a couple of weeks into rehearsals. Derek stepped in...’
Noah winced. ‘And your mother?’
‘Did what she always did.’ Eloise shrugged. ‘I don’t know why I thought it would be any different, just because he was my boyfriend instead of someone else’s husband.’
‘How did you find out?’
‘Melissa, of course. She sent me down to the prop room to fetch something when she knew they were there together.’ Eloise swallowed at the memory, her throat suddenly tight. If she thought about it too long, she became eighteen again—in the grip of infatuation, sexual awakening and too many hormones, and seeing all her dreams and illusions shattered in one instant, as she saw her mother half naked against the prop table, and Derek kissing her.
Noah cursed. ‘What did you do?’
‘I shut the door, walked away and pretended I’d never been there. I finished with Derek, of course, who didn’t seem all that disappointed. And then I ran away to university.’ She’d been searching for freedom, the ability to be herself, without the baggage of her family history. But all she’d found was that she was the same shy, scared and gullible little girl in a different town.
‘And after college you moved back here?’ Noah sounded surprised. ‘You even came and worked at the same hotel. Why?’
‘It was my home,’ Eloise said firmly. ‘I couldn’t let them take that from me. When I first took the chambermaid job here at sixteen, I guess I was just looking for some freedom. But when I came back...it was a safe place. My place.’
‘I guess I can understand that,’ Noah said, but his tone said he couldn’t.
She sighed. ‘Also...university wasn’t the fresh new life I was hoping for. Turns out I was the same naive and gullible Eloise there too.’
She’d thrown herself into her business studies and, in her final year, a relationship with another student. Everything seemed perfect—they’d talked about setting up an events business together, about heading out into the real world and making it big. Everything s
he’d dreamed of seemed close to coming true—running her own business, living her own life, making a success of things at last. Until he’d run off with her best ideas and the only friend she’d made at university, leaving all her classmates talking about it.
Really, was it any wonder she avoided love these days?
‘Do you want to tell me?’ Noah asked, and Eloise shook her head.
‘Let’s just say, at least the guy who screwed me over personally and professionally at uni wasn’t an actor.’
Noah didn’t press for the whole sordid story, which she appreciated. She’d shared enough of her past disasters for one night.
Instead, he kissed her shoulder and asked, ‘Where are your parents now?’
‘My dad died while I was at university. My mum...she’s still in town. Her memory is going, though. Early onset dementia, the doctors said. She can’t even remember everything she did back then. These days she’s just a harmless old lady, I suppose. And the town... Well, they haven’t forgotten, I don’t suppose. But there are newer and better scandals to talk about most of the time.’
‘Until Melissa came back and brought it all up again.’
‘Yeah.’
Noah sighed. ‘Well, I guess that explains a lot about your attitude to actors.’
With a laugh, Eloise lay back, breaking the intense connection between them. She felt lighter, somehow, for telling him everything.
‘Of course, you’re still hugely biased against us.’ Noah followed her, his body pressing against hers as he kissed her again. ‘Not all actors are the same, you know.’
‘Maybe not,’ Eloise allowed. ‘But a lot of them are. Look at you—a different girl on your arm in every photo.’
