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‘That’s different.’
‘How?’
‘That’s...it’s not me,’ Noah said. ‘It’s the Noah Cross the press and the public want to see.’
‘So it’s all an act. But do the women you take out know that?’
‘Always.’ Noah’s eyes were serious above her. ‘I’m always upfront. It’s one night, or several, but it’s never serious. They know the deal. I never fall for them, never tell them I love them, never give them any expectations.’
‘So you try never to hurt anyone.’ But was he protecting them or himself? Eloise couldn’t be sure. ‘Isn’t that kind of lonely?’
‘Sometimes.’
‘So why do it?’
Noah didn’t answer. Instead, he rolled over to lie beside her again.
‘What about your family?’ Eloise asked instead. ‘You’ve heard all about mine. Tell me about yours. Are they proud of you?’
Noah barked out a harsh laugh. ‘Not exactly. My dad’s opinion of actors is about as good as yours. He thinks we’re all entitled, self-obsessed, narcissistic idiots. Not that he’d put it in those words.’
‘Why?’ Eloise asked. ‘I mean, why does he think that? And what about your mother?’
‘I grew up in standard middle America. My family were God-fearing, humble and happy to stay at exactly the same level they’d always been. Working a factory job, drinking beer on a Friday night and never looking for anything different.’
‘But you weren’t,’ Eloise guessed.
‘No. My best friend and I...we always talked about getting out of town, escaping to LA and seeking fame and fortune.’ Noah gave a half smile at the memory. ‘I always thought it was a bit of a pipe dream—until the day she said, “Let’s go”.’
‘And you went.’
‘Yeah. I did.’ He smiled at her. ‘And the rest is history.’ Leaning in, he pressed kisses over her shoulder, obviously hoping to distract her. But Eloise had more questions.
‘Why did you want to know about my mother?’ she asked. ‘And don’t say it’s because I’m different. Everybody is different. If you want to know me...I need to know. Why?’
Noah shifted beside her, lying flat on his back as he stared at the ceiling. Eloise turned onto her side and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, almost absently, it seemed. Was he always like this with a woman after sex? He said the conversation was new, but what about the closeness? Eloise knew she’d never have the courage to ask.
‘I can’t completely explain it,’ Noah said eventually. ‘But I’ll try.’
‘Good enough.’ Resting her cheek against his chest, Eloise felt his heartbeat thrumming through her body, in time with her own, and listened.
‘When I first saw you...I wanted you, I’ll admit that. You’re gorgeous, Eloise, whether you know it or not. And there was something about you. I wanted to be close to you. I thought...’ He gave a little laugh, low and meek. ‘I thought you might be an easy conquest to make the wedding a little more fun.’
‘Which I was.’ Eloise shrank back at the realisation, but he held her close against him.
‘No. No, you were anything but.’
‘We’re naked in my bed, Noah. I think I’ve been conquered.’ And how easy she’d been for him to claim.
‘I think...I think you might have done the conquering,’ Noah said after a moment, and Eloise stilled in his arms. ‘My agent told me I had to behave this week, if I wanted this director to take me seriously for a big role. No flings. And I tried, I really did. I knew you weren’t like the other women I see. You didn’t know the rules yet. You saw...more of me. Deeper. And when I kissed you this afternoon...’
When he didn’t continue, Eloise said, ‘What? What happened then?’
Noah hauled her up his body so she was staring into his eyes, every inch of her pressed up against him.
‘When I kissed you, I knew none of it mattered. I couldn’t help myself. I knew I had to be with you.’
CHAPTER TEN
HE’D GONE TOO FAR. Noah knew that the moment the words left his mouth. And if he hadn’t known the shock in Eloise’s eyes would have told him.
‘For tonight, I mean,’ he said, backtracking fast. ‘I couldn’t leave Morwen Hall without one night with you.’
‘And now you’ve had it.’ Eloise pulled away, and he resisted the urge to tug her close again. He wasn’t staying—this wasn’t love, wasn’t for ever. They both knew that, whatever the crazy attraction between them would have them believe.
‘So, what’s next for you?’ Eloise asked, putting a few inches of blanket between them as she propped her head up on one hand to look at him. ‘After you leave Morwen Hall, I mean.’
What was next? He had no idea. He couldn’t think beyond this bed, beyond this moment. Beyond her.
‘What’s this film where the director needs you to be celibate?’ she went on, and Noah breathed a sigh of relief. That was safe. They could talk about the film, about his career. That had to be less perilous than the spiral of feelings sleeping with Eloise had opened up inside him. Or the connection her confessions about her parents had started to foster between them. ‘More beating people up and saving the world?’
He huffed out a laugh. ‘No, actually. It’s more of a relationships movie. About a guy trying to move on after his wife’s death. It starts eight days after she dies, and follows him through to eight years later.’
‘Sounds deep and meaningful,’ Eloise said. ‘Both things I thought you tried to avoid.’
‘In my personal life? Sure. Professionally...it could be a good move.’ Except that wasn’t why he was doing it; Noah could admit that to himself, even if he couldn’t admit it to her. He needed something more in his life. More than the superficial and the meaningless.
He just wanted to do it on his own terms. That way, at least, he could protect himself from the dangers of feeling too much.
The problem was, when he was with Eloise he could feel himself wanting more. Suddenly everything he’d always relied on—a fleeting connection, the ability to walk away unchanged—wasn’t enough.
And the other way lay madness—he knew that from experience.
‘You really want this part, don’t you?’ Eloise asked, and when he turned to her she was watching him too closely.
‘How did you know that?’ he asked, staring back. He hadn’t said how much it mattered to him, hadn’t even hinted at anything beyond a professional reason for wanting the role. But Eloise had known all the same.
‘I pay attention,’ she said. ‘So, what is it about this film? Why do you want this part so much?’
‘The script is...astonishing. It’s the kind of film that wins awards.’ But that wasn’t all and Eloise seemed to realise that. She stayed silent, waiting for him to say more. ‘It spoke to me, I guess. I just knew I had to make this film.’
‘The same way you knew you had to have me?’ Eloise shook her head, red hair tumbling over her bare shoulders. He remembered pulling the pins out of it one by one and watching it fall loose. The sight of her undone had taken his breath away. It still did. ‘This is quite your week for strange, compelling feelings.’
‘It is. I blame you.’
She laughed. ‘Why? For acting out Shakespeare with you and putting you in touch with your inner Romeo?’
‘Because ever since I saw you I’ve wanted something more than I have.’ He inched closer, resting one hand on her waist. ‘You know, I spoke to my agent about this part and she told me that if I wanted it I’d need to start looking deeper, start accessing the feelings I’ve locked away for years.’
‘As well as swearing off sex?’ Eloise shook her head. ‘She’s tough. But...maybe she’s right.’
‘Maybe she is. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know how. It’s been years. But when I met you... I knew you were the sort of person who felt deeply. Who saw deeper, who found meaning.’
‘So you thought I could help you get the part?’ She frowned. ‘I’m really not sure how that would work.’
