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She leaned forward and willed herself not to breathe in. Not to inhale his familiar scent. ‘What’s so good about Scotland, Joe? What is it you need to go home to? Is it the memories—are you really ready to leave the past behind?’
She could sense he wanted to speak. But she didn’t want to give him the chance. She couldn’t listen to him right now.
The thought of not seeing Joe and Regan every day was already niggling away at her. It wasn’t a reality. Not yet.
But soon enough it would be, and she hated how much that pained her. She’d allowed herself to get too attached to them both.
She should have stayed away. Right at the beginning when she’d had that first little flutter of attraction, she should have pushed all thoughts from her mind. Instead, she’d let that attraction between them grow. She got more and more attached to that gorgeous little boy who looked at her with pure admiration and filled her days with joy. She’d allowed every flicker of a glance between her and Joe to build momentum. She’d reached the point where she ached for his touch. Even though he’d told her since he’d first arrived that he was only staying for six months, now it felt like a betrayal.
She knew it was irrational. She knew it was ridiculous. But her heart was overruling her head at every turn.
Part of her still wanted to jump at his invitation to go to Scotland. But every cell in her body knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.
The ache at the bottom of her stomach sat like a stone. He still had a picture of his wife on his phone. He’d told her he’d come here to give himself and Regan a chance to move on. But his wife’s picture was still there.
How would things be back in Scotland? She would be going into a home he’d shared with his wife. Scotland would be full of memories for him at every twist and turn. How on earth could she compete with those?
She shook her head. She didn’t want to compete.
Here, Joe felt more like hers. Here, all the memories were theirs. No one else’s.
It didn’t matter that she’d always known he would leave. She’d stopped trying to think about it. Put it in a box somewhere in her head that she just didn’t open.
But now it was here. It was the elephant in the room. Maybe this was why they’d both been avoiding this conversation.
She took a shuddery breath. Her hands wouldn’t stop trembling. The tears were forming again.
‘I can’t do this,’ she said rapidly as she pushed herself up and stepped away from the table.
‘Lien, don’t—’ Joe was on his feet in an instant.
She shook her head. ‘Don’t. Leave me.’ All the words just came tumbling out. ‘I can’t do this. I just can’t. I don’t fit in your world. You don’t know me—not really. I can’t go to Scotland and live in your castle with you. It’s not me. It’s not where I fit. And you don’t have room for me in your life, Joe. You think you do—you tell yourself that—but the truth is you don’t, you’re not ready. I need some space.’
She wiped one final tear from her face. He looked aghast—as if he couldn’t believe or understand what she’d just said to him—but she turned and fled the coffee shop before he could follow.
* * *
For a few seconds he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. Had that really just happened?
He stared at his hands for a few moments, wondering how things could have gone so, so wrong. Every instinct in his body told him to get up and run after her. But she’d asked him not to. She’d asked him for space.
He had to respect that—even if he didn’t want to.
He’d been nervous. His heart knew what he wanted. He wanted Lien. Every day he spent with her just reinforced that more and more.
He’d thought inviting her to Scotland was the perfect solution. The perfect solution for him and Regan.
He couldn’t think about anyone but her. Her smile, her laugh, her fingers on his skin. The way she interacted with Regan.
Regan.
Part of the reason she’d said no.
He hated the way his guts were twisting right now. Being a single parent was hard. Asking someone else to come into your life meant they had to understand you were part of a partnership. Lien had sensed that right from the beginning. Most of the times they’d done something together she’d included Regan. She thought about him all the time, they had a connection together. One that had warmed his very soul.
But now?
She’d been clear. Part of the reason she wouldn’t join them was because she loved Regan. She loved him. She’d said coming to Scotland and then leaving Regan would break her heart.
He took a deep breath. He’d been selfish. Somehow, because he’d told her from the first day they’d met that he was going back to Scotland in six months, he’d just assumed she wouldn’t expect that to change.
He had already enrolled Regan in the local primary school back home. As the relationship between Lien and him had progressed he’d hoped she would consider joining them—that she would love them both enough to want to come.
But now he realised just how selfish that was. It was clear she loved working here and was dedicated to the people that she served.
He’d made an assumption. He’d made the assumption that because she’d worked in some other places before, she would be prepared to do it again. For him. For Regan.
He shook his head and put his head in his hands. He hadn’t even asked her—not properly—not until now, and then he’d handled it in such a clumsy manner. No wonder she was upset with him.
He hadn’t even got the chance to take her hand in his and tell her how he loved her, and how much spending time with her had made his world seem whole again.
Something sparked in his brain. When she’d been upset, she’d told him he didn’t really know her. What did that mean?
He couldn’t even begin to imagine. He knew so much about her already. The way she drummed her fingers on her hip bone when she was impatient, the fact she lost a hair clip practically every day. She only liked one brand of jasmine tea, and she needed just the right amount of ice in her iced coffee.
The fact she loved it when he traced his fingers lightly over her back, or that her most sensitive part was just behind her ear.
How could she say that he didn’t know her?
All he knew was that he loved every part of her.
He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His fists clenched on the table in front of him. He had to find a way back from this.
He had to find a way to win the woman he loved.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE LAST WEEK had been a miserable nightmare. Joe had tried to talk to Lien on more than one occasion, but had respected her wishes each time she’d just shaken her head and said no.
They had talked about hospital work and duties, but nothing more.
The dark circles under his eyes looked even worse than the dark circles under hers.
Regan had, at first, seemed oblivious and was still a little ball of energy around her. But even he’d noticed the change and wandered over one night and tugged her trouser leg. ‘Why don’t you come and tell me bedtime stories now?’ he asked.
Lien crouched down to speak to him. ‘I’m sorry, honey, I’ve just been really busy at work.’
Regan shook his head, his face solemn. ‘No. That’s not it.’ He tipped his head to one side, his bottom lip trembling. ‘Have I done something naughty?’
She shook her head and leaned forward to give him a hug. ‘Of course not. You are the best boy that I know.’ Her heart felt as if it were tearing in two. The last thing she wanted to do was upset the young boy who’d stolen a little part of her. She touched his cheek. ‘Sometimes adults have to do other things.’
He wrinkled his brow. ‘But if you can’t do the bedtime story, you could still come and have dinner with us.’
She flinched. Everything wa
s so easy when you were four years old.
