“Bev!” Dad shouted, on the brink of tears.
“Sorry…I forgot about dinner,” she whimpered.
“Her pulse is elevated, and her pupils are in miosis,” I said. “Bev, how long ago did you pop a rock?”
She rolled her head against the cement and moaned.
“You promised,” he growled. “Damn it, honey, you were doing so well.”
“Sorry…”
“Where is he, Bev?” I snarled. “Where is that motherfucker now?”
She started crying, the tears leaving clean streaks down her cheeks. I couldn’t help thinking about Jake. He’d said his mother hadn’t been interested in him and I suspected she’d had an addiction problem of some sort. It was hard stomaching the idea that he had to go through watching his mother like this.
“I have Narcan in the car,” Dad said.
We lugged her into the backseat, got the meds in her system, and raced to the emergency room. She kept saying she was sorry, which didn’t mean Jack shit anymore. I wanted to berate her, scream at her for putting everyone through this again and for messing up our Christmas. I just needed to get her settled then climb into bed with my baby boy and hold him.
By the time I walked into my parents’ house, it was almost one in the morning, and I was raw. Mom was asleep on the couch with Amelia. I climbed the stairs to the guest bedroom in search of Jake because I needed to feel him against me. I was so mentally exhausted from the Bev merry-go-ground.
I found him sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching his duffle. He looked ragged and exhausted.
“Did you find her?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I plopped my butt next to him, bouncing on the mattress. “Thanks for that. I’m not sure we would have found her if not for you. She’s in the hospital now.”
He nodded slowly, still clutching his bag.
“Let’s sleep.” He didn’t move and I wrapped my arms around him, noting the tension in his body. “I’m sorry this didn’t go how I planned.”
“It’s not your fault,” he muttered and there was something in the tone of his voice that scared me. His eyes glittered in the low light as if he’d been crying. “I think maybe…I should go home.”
I opened my mouth to refute but couldn’t find the words. I was mentally and physically exhausted and had no strength to fight anything. I settled for, “I’m really fucking sorry.”
“I know,” he said on a breath. “You’re busy with family stuff and I don’t really belong here…”
My heart dropped. “I don’t understand. Of course you do. Jake, talk to me.”
“I just don’t think… I don’t want to embarrass you.”
Something punched me in the back of the head, and I winked in and out of consciousness. At least, that was the sensation his words delivered. “What? How could you think that? Where is this coming from?”
He pulled away as I reached for him and every organ in my body twisted. An icy chill gripped my heart.
“I just… You have a lot going on right now and you should take care of your family.” He hugged his bag tight to his body. “I’ll be fine. I’ll take an Uber home and…I’ll call you later or something.”
It took a lot of effort to get to my feet and find my wallet. I pushed three twenties into his palm because he didn’t want to take the money and saw him off. As the car rounded the corner I could hardly think anymore, just feel the ache in my shoulder and the chill in my chest. I collapsed in bed and slept until noon. Jake hadn’t texted or called. The hours slipped by as everyonesat around in tense silence, waiting for the phone call to let us know Bev had finally succumbed to her addiction.
“Where’s Jake?” Amelia asked sullenly.
“He had to go home, seelie,” I said.
“When is he coming back?”
I gathered her into my arms and held her tightly. “I’m not sure.”
The call from the hospital never came, and neither did Jake call nor text me.
