I was, judging by the tightness in my pants. Biting my lip I fought the urge to look down and managed, “You’re naked.”
He glanced down at his body, agape. “Oh, shit, I…”
I inched closer, noting how inviting his lips looked slightly shiny from the juice he’d been gulping down. His eyesflared, the green like jade in the dark. My heart hammered as I touched his beard, the whiskers soft and smooth letting me know he took good care of it. I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t find the strength to close the inches separating us. I was sure he wanted me to because his gaze dropped to my lips and lingered there as if he were thinking about it.
“Brat…” he whispered, his tone turning dark, the confusion gone. “Did you need something?”
I nodded, unsure of what I was asking for.Please, just kiss me.We stood in front of each other for an eternity, hoovering on the edge of insanity. A stretch of warm skin brushed against my body. He was waiting for me to make the first move and I wanted to, but I froze.
He held up a finger, hesitated for a moment and said, “See? Alcohol makes you do stupid things. I normally walk around naked when I don’t have guests and I wasn’t thinking through the haze of that champagne. I should…put some pants on.”
Then he was gone, leaving me standing in the kitchen feeling like an idiot. Why couldn’t I have just kissed him? I might never get the opportunity to again.
He returned wearing a pair of joggers that did nothing to hide his assets. A beam of light from a streetlamp reached through the window and highlighted every beautiful inch of him. I’d been brave when I’d left home, and I was determined to be brave now. I moved without thinking, pressing my lips to his.
He jerked back and pulled at his hair. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
My blood turned cold, and I shivered, feeling lost in a too big world. Had I misread everything? His rejection stung because I thought of him as a pseudo-friend, and he was the first guy I truly wanted to be with.
I squeezed around him and plopped my butt on the couch. I pushed my hands into my hair and sighed. “Tell me to leave and I will.”
“You misunderstood me,” he said softly, taking a seat next to me. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you, but if we do that, I want to do it with a clear head, amirite?”
I frowned, not considering that. It was just champagne, but we’d downed the entire bottle. I’d yet to experience drunkenness and accepted that we might be a bit tipsy. “I don’t want to make a nuisance of myself.”
“Really? You’re worried about annoying me now?” He slapped my knee. “I really enjoy having you around, brat. There is something particularly entertaining about being insulted by a cute twink.”
I tried not to smile. “I just… I don’t know what I’m doing. Sometimes I feel like I’m moving in ten different directions at the same time.”
He rubbed my back, squeezed my shoulder, his touch relaxing me. I leaned into him, not sure how far to take this, but he seemed to understand what I needed.
“How about this?” he said, laying on the couch and holding his arms out. “Give your Pooh Bear a big cuddle.”
I sputtered a laugh and collapsed against him. He wrapped a big arm around me, and I settled my head against his chest, the little hairs tickling my nose and lips. He was warm and soft and hard at the same time.
He stroked my arm gently with his thumb, the night finally silent. No one besides my grandmother had ever comforted me like this and when she’d died, I’d lost that. I had no one to hold me and make me feel better, to let me cry if I needed to, tell me things will be okay.You have to be strong, Miho.Other than my music, Nana had been the only good thing in my life.
I couldn’t hold the tears back as they quaked through me. I longed for the scent of her perfume, the softness of her sweater, the gentle words as she told me everything was going to be okay. The world was a dark and difficult place sometimes, but there was also light and beauty and love.Keep your heart open and you will find it, she’d said. Her voice was so clear in my mind now, her words a mix of English and Spanish.
If it hadn't been for her, I wasn’t sure I’d survive. The music and beauty inside me would have been ripped out courtesy of my parents, leaving an empty shell, a reflection of my father and his loveless nature.
Instead of Nana’s perfume, I got spicy soap and a virile man. Instead of her soft cashmere sweater, coarse red hairs tickled my skin. He didn’t tell me everything would be okay despite all the shit that had happened. He just held me and kissed the top of my head as if he truly cared.
Strangely, that was all I wanted, just to knowsomeonecared about me enough to understand I needed a hug.
CHAPTER TWELVE
SEAN
My attention was constantly drawn to Matteo as he stirred the spaghetti sauce simmering on the stovetop. He’d been aloof the days after that night we’d cuddled and he’d cried against me, taking to sleeping for long stretches and tapping his fingers on his thighs as if he were in his own world.
We’d settled into a strained peace of eating dinner together and watching a movie. I wanted to ask how he was doing, but I was afraid of pushing him too far too quickly, so I’d said nothing on the matter. But I needed him to know I was an ear if he wanted to vent.
“Haven’t you ever heard of seasoning?” he muttered. “A little salt and pepper goes a long way.”
“It’s bottled sauce,” I countered. His jabs were less enthusiastic lately too.
He blinked at me for a moment and shrugged. “How do you mess up bottled sauce?”
