I popped the garlic bread into the oven and took a deep breath, searching for the right words to say. Though he hadn’t gone into detail, I understood the trauma religious indoctrination could leave behind. It was strange, but I couldn’t think of a better person than myself to have found him–except an actual therapist, but that wasn’t the point.
I opened my mouth, closed it, and frowned. It was time to bite the bullet, so I grabbed my proverbial balls and said, “I need you to know I’m a good listener. You don’t have to respond, I just wanted to tell you that.”
He said nothing for a long while, just moved the wooden spoon in a circle as he blinked at the pot. At least, I’d made mypoint clear. “Is this about the other day when I slobbered all over you?”
The hint of tease in his voice was a good sign as far as I was concerned. I debated on how to approach his response and decided to fall back to our usual bickering. It seemed like the safest option. “The only one I’d let slobber all over me is a cute twink like you.”
He made a sound letting me know he wasn’t convinced. He tapped the spoon against the lip of the pot and set it on the mushroom-shaped tray in the middle of the stove. He turned toward me, his dark eyes scanning me as if he were trying to figure something out. “Do you make it a habit of letting twinks cry all over you?”
A smile tugged at my lips, but I knew it was a genuine question. “No. Not really. But I’ve made an exception for you.”
I didn’t look at him as he stood there, no doubt contemplating my words. He let loose a breath that let me know he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I talk a lot of smack and flirt endlessly, but I’ve never been with anyone.”
The confession stilled me, and I stopped what I was doing to give him my full attention. He was blushing, the color nipping at his ear lobes, his eyes on the linoleum floor. I figured it had taken a lot for him to admit that. “That’s not something to be ashamed of.”
Shrugging, he fiddled with the spoon. “I mean, I’ve kissed a boy before, but I suppose I am too scared to actually do anything…more. At least, not with strangers. All the clubs and bars… I just wanted to be around people like me, you know? Pretend for a little while that I am just another gay man enjoying life without all the problems I have.”
I spotted the opening and took it. “It was like that for me too. Despite jumping in and becoming a slut overnight it was still very scary for me. I didn’t know what I was doing and was prettybad at what I did. It wasn’t very fun in the beginning because I couldn’t relax.”
“How do I get past that?”
“You need to do it with someone you trust, someone you’re comfortable with.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think about the implications. Our gazes locked for a moment and I saw his thoughts like a chat bubble over his head–Like you?
I quickly turned away unless he read it all over my face. The question haunted me: Did I want to go there with him? Well, yeah. He was a very good-looking young man, but more than that, I enjoyed his company and liked sharing dinner with him while watching a movie. Those small things again, I reminded myself. They were going to do me in, I just knew it.
“In the beginning it was a lot of fun dressing up and lurking in bars and clubs. I got heaps of attention. I think I was just trying to figure out who I am and what I like. Pink hair was never my thing though. Too much upkeep.”
I stroked my beard. “Don’t I know? I spend a fortune on products every month.”
“I think the sauce is done,” he murmured. “Noodles are cooked too.”
“Alright, just give the bread a few more minutes. Have you thought about what you might like to watch tonight?” From what little tidbits he’d given away, he hadn’t been exposed to much modern culture like movies, books, and music, so we’d mutually decided to get him caught up on that front.
“I was thinking we should watch something you like. Who is your favorite actor? Like, the one you’d totally sleep with if you had the chance?”
I chuckled, liking the sudden interest on his face, his eyes brightening. “He was before your time, and was the object of many gays my age, but Patrick Swayze made me realize I likedthe way guys look. Chris O’Donnel made me want to fuck them, though.”
“I’ve heard the names before. Okay, let’s watch a movie with them. We can start with Patrick Swayze and move on from there.”
“Deal. Boy, do we need to get you caught up. I mean, what kind of gay are you if you don’t know who Patrick Swayze is? It’s blasphemous.”
He offered me a dramatic roll of the eyes.
We settled on the couch with our dinner, and I got the movie going. I’d chosenGhostbecause it was the first thing that popped up. He offered me a faint smile as we relaxed, and the opening rolled. It was nice chilling and watching movies. Sometimes I needed a break from all the noise of the club and preferred a quieter time. We traded teasing glances during the lovemaking scene, and he seemed genuinely interested in the plot.
“I can see why you’re hot for him,” he commented.
“Oh, I’m just getting started. Wait untilDirty Dancing, then you’ll get it,” I teased and stretched my arm across the backrest. “He also has a good part in a drag-queen flick.”
To my surprise, Matteo scooted a little closer, his curls tickling my bare forearm. I was glad he was relaxing around me and able to enjoy time off from the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of him. By the time the movie ended I was a ball of tears and snot, and he was doing his best to hide his cackle. I should have known better because I was a sap when it came to bittersweet stories of the romantic variety.
“Shut up! Ugh, why did I pick this movie?” I said and wiped my eyes.
“You have no idea how funny it is to watch a big, gruff guy tatted up like you sobbing over a movie.”
I whacked him with a pillow, and he laughed harder. He snatched his own pillow, but the fight was over before it began as he started coughing.
“Alright! We’re done for the day. I’ve got to get ready for work. Make yourself useful, brat and clean up the dishes.” I was tempted to stay here and be on call if needed, but I’d been doing that too much lately just to be around him.
