As we walked back toward the rec room, I was glad to have friends, because I had a feeling I might need to lean on them soon. I had to be honest with myself. Matteo and I were at two different points in our lives. A future with him wasn’t guaranteed and it would hurt when he left. I had a lot of thinking to do.
Danny joined Jere in the rec room and I found the sign up forms near the entrance. I jotted down my info just as Matteo joined me.
“You’re working hard for that second blow job.”
I threw him a seductive look to let him know bad things were coming his way. “As if I need to. I know you want to suck my cock again.”
He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. “Actually, I was wondering if I could fuck you?”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MATTEO
“Okay, spill the beans,” Sean said as I rocked on my feet in the kitchen doorway. He was putting together a salad for us.
“I wanted to ask you something,” I started, unsure of how to approach the subject. He’d given me so much these past few months and I hated asking for more.
“You? Asking for permission?” he teased, spreading cherry tomatoes around the two plates he’d made.
We were getting ready to eat lunch and settle down to finish watching the last two Harry Potter movies. My father considered reading the books akin to summoning demons, so I’d never gotten to discover such a large part of modern culture. The books were on my list, but for now, I was enjoying the movies. I ignored his jab and focused on what I wanted to say.
“I need you to know that I’m going to pay you back.” When he frowned at me, I added, “For the clothes, and rent-free accommodations.”
“Blowjobs–”
“And the hospital bills which I’m sure you’ve received by now. I haven’t forgotten and I’m aware you gave them your information. I need you to know I’m going to reimburse you for everything.”
He blew out a breath, stopped what he was doing and turned to me. “What's this about?”
I rocked on my feet, feeling like a leech. It wasn’t just the money, but he’d given me happiness and asking for anything more seemed unfair. “The piano, it needs some work. New hammers, and polish…”
He chuckled and pulled me in by the back of my neck. He kissed my forehead, his beard tickling my nose. “It’s fine. How much do you need?”
“A hundred should be enough, I think. There is a music store not too far that has everything I need to restore the piano.”
“Alright. I’ll walk over to an ATM before I start work tonight. For now, let's eat and watch the movie.” He retrieved the two plates and made for the couch.
I wanted to say more on the matter, make promises that I intended to make him whole and more, but figured that was a conversation best left for another time. He had no idea how much he meant to me and I planned to pay him back ten times over. The fact that he didn’t know about my inheritance and still showered me with clothes and food and spending money meant he was a good person and deserved everything I wanted to give him.
Like every other day, I settled in next to him, his smile radiant as he started the movie, though it didn’t seem quite as wide as it normally was. We ate as if we’d been doing this for years. It surprised me just how settled-in I’d become here in a mere few months, how comfortable with him I was.
The time slipped by quickly and I mourned his absence when he went to work despite him being a few feet away downstairs. I pulled out the sheet music from my backpack and read the notes, the chords ringing in my mind. I was so engrossed in my work that the chime of his text startled me.
SEAN: Were U serious about what U said the other day? About U wanting to fuck me?
ME: Are you a strict top?
SEAN: That doesn't answer my question. But to answer yours–No, I’m vers.
The minutes ticked by, my hand growing sweaty around the phone as I tried to think of something witty to say, but all Icould come up with was–I’ve never done it and want to try it and can’t think of anyone else I’d like to do it with.
I've come to understand something about myself recently. I was as horny as any other gay man my age, turned on by the curve of muscular arms or a nice ass, but I didn’t want to sleep with every guy I came across. I wanted to have sex, suck cock, touch another man, but I didn’t want us to bestrangers. I thought about what Sean had said about religious guilt and was certain that wasn’t the reason why. I suppose I valued monogamy. But that implied we were actually together, which was yet to be determined.
A million responses floated around in my brain, but I set the phone on the coffee table and tapped “La Campanella” on my thigh.
I couldn’t wait to fix up the piano. It was actually in very good condition for its age. The idea that Sean had gone out of his way to give me an outlet for my music meant more than he could ever know. I picked up the phone again.
ME: Yeah. I want to try it. But only if you want to.
