“Did you go to the music store?” I asked and stroked his arm with my fingertips.
“Yeah. Got most of what I needed,” he said and kissed my shoulder. “Also returned the library books and checked out some new ones. Thank you. I meant what I said the other day.”
“I know you’re good for it.”
He sighed, one of those heavy, weight-of-the-word kind of sounds. “I will make you whole and more. I’m expecting to receive a sizable inheritance soon.”
“Okay,” I said, focusing on the smoothness of his skin.
We laid in bed for a long while, teetering on the edge of sleep and consciousness. He was a solid presence in my apartment, his weight and heat at my back chasing away the chill of emptiness.
“Matty,” I murmured.
“Did you just call me Matty?” he said sleepily. “That’s cute, really.”
“Oh, shut up for once, or do I have to stick my cock in your mouth?” I growled, both excited to bicker and annoyed that I’d developed feelings for him.
He shook in laughter against me but asked, “What’s up?”
“Mind if I tag along the next time you go to the center?” I was aware I was being needy, but I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. “I’d like to listen to you play.”
“Maybe,” he said. “Let me fix it up first and get it into working order then I’ll serenade you with sweet songs.”
I turned so I could see him and pushed a stray curl from his eyes. I kissed him harder and deeper than I ever had before. I wanted to mark him, permanentlybrandhim so he’d never forget me. Years down the road, after he’d gone his way, I wanted him to think about me on lonely nights. I wanted him to lay in bed and think about the times we’d shared and wonder what our lives might have been like if he’d stuck around. It was petty, but I couldn’t help it.
Two months. That’s all it had taken for me to fall in love with someone. Withhim. The wrong person, of course, but it was what it was.
Frustrated with the situation, I wiggled out of his arms. “Going to get din-din started.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MATTEO
I pressed a key and observed the way the hammer struck the string. The note sounded off to my ears, but the mechanics worked. The piano was going to have to be tuned anyway, but restoring it to its natural, beautiful state injected me with a sense of meaning.
The instrument was on the middle end of the scale in terms of quality, but with a little love and attention, would produce beautiful sound and heavenly music. I couldn’t wait to play and putting in the work to restore it made my heart swell with pride. It wasn’t Nana’s grand piano, but that didn’t make it any less appreciated. It might have seen a lot of rough days and spent years under a dusty sheet, but it had a lot of life left in it.
After I’d replaced all the faulty components, I set about polishing the shell. I took my time, watching the way the beauty underneath was revealed as I dragged the cloth over the wood. A gorgeous ebony color emerged, bright and shiny under the spotlight I’d fished out from the pile of left-behind theater gear.
The ghosts of the past floated around me and I heard the piano playing while people dressed in colorful costumes, danced. The spectators’ claps and cheers echoed in my mind, as real as the music inside my soul. Nana had regaled me with stories of her life in the forties and fifties. She’d talked about the blues club she’d worked for and the endless nights of music, dance, and laughter. I could see those people in my mind’s eye.
I polished the carved legs, tracing the groves of leaves and acorns and washing away years of dust and neglect that had gathered in the recesses. I was looking forward to playing for Sean. The music inside me wasn’t just mine. It belonged to the world, and I wanted to share it with him. He was responsible forthis. If it weren’t for him, the piano would have stayed locked away for years. Maybe forever, lost to time and decay.
He’d given me more than just a piano, hadn’t he? In the same way Nana had shown me the path to my true self, he’d given me a light to maneuver the rocks and gnarled branches that were blocking my way.
It was strange, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. He’d entered it by chance, on a whim to check out the Adonis as opposed to another club and things had spiraled from there. He believed in past lives, so maybe we’d known each other in another existence. I liked to believe we’d been more than friends. It was nice imagining we were always destined to meet.
By the time I was finished polishing the shell, it was late afternoon and I wanted to see Sean before he went to work so I quickly put everything away, and covered the piano with a fresh sheet. As I walked toward the entrance of the LGBTQ center, I heard some kids in the rec room, laughing and talking.
I wished I’d known there was a place like this years ago when I was a lost and confused teenager. Of course, I was aware in the back of my mind there were resources that could help me, but I supposed I was too afraid to leave behind everything I’d ever known. It was easy to hope that something might change, that one day my father might realize he actually loved me.
But that day had never come. As an adult, I could accept that it never would. I wasn’t a lost kid anymore. And I wasn’t alone, either. How that had happened, I wasn’t exactly sure. Trying to pinpoint the exact moment Sean had come to mean something to me was impossible. It had been a gradual process, helped along by playful bickering and meaningful conversation. At the time, sitting in the hospital with pneumonia and nowhere to sleep was the lowest I’d been. But Sean rescuing me was the turning point. He was the strong hand that helped pull me out of the deepest crevice of misery.
I left the center with a little smile curved on my lips. It was cold and I pulled the lapels of my puffer close, but inside, a furnace had been lit. A single thought haunted me on the bus ride to Sean’s apartment: I could be happy with him.
I already was, wasn’t I?
My birthday was fast approaching and my parents would try to pull a fast one, but no matter what happened, I had a feeling Sean would always be in my life in some form or another.
