Turning onGrey’s Anatomywhere we left off last night, Charley grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and gets cozy while I do my best to watch the show andnotthink about how nice it would be to put her legs across my lap, or lean in and wrap my arm around her so she could lay her head on my chest. As much as I don’t want to because I know it’ll do me no good, I can’t help but remember all the nights we spent just like that. I can’t help but remember the way her head felt on my chest, her arms around my body, her lips on mine.
My heart squeezes at the memory of what could’ve been.
I don’t know how I do it, but I manage to push those thoughts to the back of my mind and immerse myself in this ridiculous show. I’m not ready to admit it out loud yet, but unfortunately, I do see the appeal.
“Hold up,” I blurt out, sitting forward. “So, you’re telling me he’smarried? He’s married, and has been sleeping with Meredith Grey this entire time?What?”
Throwing her head back, Charley laughs. “Welcome to the club. This show will fuck you seven different ways to Sunday. Man, I can’t wait for you to cry.”
“What makes you think I’m going to cry?”
“Because everybody does,” she explains. “You’re not immune, I promise you. And yup, Derek is married to Addison.”
We fall into comfortable silence as we watch the episode. I have to keep reminding myself to watch the TV, not Charley.
“Can I ask you something?” Charley asks. Her tone is almost timid, like she’s nervous.
I turn my head and meet her gaze. “Of course. What’s up?”
Her nose wrinkles. “Do you remember that night in the field when we talked about your dream of opening a restaurant?
Like it was yesterday.“Yeah,” I reply instead.
“Do you ever think about that dream?” she asks. “Is it still something you want to do?”
“I think about it all the time,” I say honestly. “And it’s something I do plan to do with time.”
“Yeah?” A smile stretches across her soft face. “You should. I really think you’d thrive and be so happy.”
Breathing out a chuckle, my cheeks heat at the sudden change of conversation in my direction. “Want to know something I’ve never shared with anybody before?”
Her eyes widen and she sits up straighter. “Obviously.”
“Before Megan died, I was taking online business classes,” I admit, my pulse racing, though I don’t know why. “I had a whole five-year plan written out. It was going to happen.”
“And then she died?”
I nod. “Yeah. It just wasn’t feasible with all that I had on my plate. But I’m sure once Ellie Mae gets school aged, I can get back to it.”
“What kind of food would you serve?”
With her head resting on the back of the couch and her legs tucked up underneath her, there’s a gentle innocence to Charley right now that I want to bottle up and keep forever.
My lips curve into a grin. Getting to talk about this with somebody instead of just thinking about it in my head is nice. “A little bit of everything, I think, but a heavy focus on good Southern food.”
“I love that,” she says, and I don’t even have to wonder if she means it. Somehow, I just know she does. “You could do daily specials, like Monday night meatloaf or something.”
“Meatloaf?” My chest rumbles with a chuckle. “Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy me a good meatloaf, but why is that the first thing to come to mind?”
She laughs, and the sound is like warm sunshine. “It started with an M,” she says, her ice-blue eyes crinkled around the corner. “And I don’t know… Kind of sounds good.”
“Maybe I’ll make it for dinner one of these nights.”
“Yeah, Monday night.” She chuckles. It’s contagious. “Thanks for telling me about the classes and your plans. I like hearing about it.”
My chest tightens, and I have to clear my throat before I respond. “Well, thanks for listening.”
Charley’s quiet for a moment, but I can tell there’s something else she wants to say. Her gaze meets mine before looking away again. “When you say you’ve never told anybody about that, do you mean even…”
