“It’s not yet,” I informed him sharply.
Would Luke look good with a beard? Probably not a long white one. I assumed his facial hair situation would be out of control by the time jokes about this were finally funny.
… My brain was going to some weird places today, like it just couldn’t stand this topic. It was taking any chance to jump ship, make a break for it, head for the border. Probably jump ship, because I’d be able to get far, far away and no one could catch up because shark. Ryan shark, doodoo, doo—No, I didn’t want that getting stuck in my head.
My brain had to go to some weird places. There was nothing else to focus on, except Luke and the Awkwardness. My room was bare at the moment, none of my flair showing in posters or decorations, just boxes and blank walls. My roommate had a dark bedspread—I hoped not dark like his soul—and he was already bigger and tougher than me. I wasn’t sure how to get along with someone like him. Maybe I should shank him in the showers. That was how you got respect at college.
No, I was thinking about prison. I wonder if anyone else ever made that mistake.
When I tuned back into the conversation, Luke told me, “This is about Alicia and Lydia.”
“Both females.” Talking about our terrible sex life or lady troubles? Both bad in different ways.
“No, not the kind of sex I was referring to.” Was there a third kind I didn’t know about? That could technically fall under the heading of scientific information. Shit, I hope we weren’t quizzed on that.
“You can’t be referring to the other kind because Alicia doesn’t have that kind.”
“Yeah, that’s what’s been getting me too.”
Thoughts of sharks faded away, doodoo doo, along with my scary roommate. We sat there in silence, more awkward than comfortable, just great, but I couldn’t focus on that at the moment as I waited for his words to sink in and make sense.
They didn’t make sense.
“WHAT?” I meant to ask, but I kind of screamed it instead. Roommate glared at me again and I glared back. That made his eyes widen and he quickly turned around and put his head down in his book. Oh, he was all bark and no bite? I could work with that. And by work, I meant take advantage of.
“Yeah, there’s a lot going on here,” Luke told me. Doodoo, doodoo doooooo. Dammit. It’s in my head now. “This week has been crazy, how has yours been?”
“Oh, you know, the usual.” There was a pause, as we both tried to figure out what that meant.
“I miss you,” Luke said. That wasn’t helpful. There was nothing we could do about that. Yet somehow, I liked the words anyway.
“I miss you too.” Our distance was only supposed to be physical. The awkwardness between us made it seem more than that. He was on one end of the world and I was on the other, even though we were both still in the Midwest.
“We’ll get better at it,” Luke assured me.
“At making conversation?” He was going all out in the optimism department.
“At sex.” Was he making a joke? I couldn’t tell. It shouldn’t be a joke actually. I really hoped we got better. Couldn’t get any worse. No, we totally could, just my sanity couldn’t handle it getting worse.
“We’re going to do it again?” Was I happy or sad about that? Both. Totally both. I glanced at my roommate, but I couldn’t tell if he was listening. What I said wasn’t very specific anyway. We could be talking about anything. Skydiving, planting vegetables, clogdancing.
Luke made an affirmative noise. “’I’m not Alicia.”
“Apparently Alicia isn’t even Alicia,” I said in confusion. Was Lydia pressuring her? I should have murdered that girl when I had the chance. Hopefully Luke wasn’t too attached to her. I could get him a new fake sister, maybe one that smiled and wasn’t a nightmare.
“Yeah, right? It’s crazy. Has she ever given you the impression she’s not Alicia?”
This was going to get confusing fast, so I told him, “We should just say asexual.”
“Okay, has she ever—"
“No, she hasn’t. Alicia has always been asexual.” Or, if she wasn’t, she had never shared those non-asexual thoughts with me, her best friend, so it wasn’t very likely she had them.
Well, if she was attracted to women, it’s not like those were sentiments I could relate to but still. I think she would have told me. I told her everything in my head… I also had no filter.
While I was gone, the responsibility of being Alicia’s best friend fell to my boo. Hell, she was probably easy compared to his real best friends Zach and Lydia. “You know what you’re gonna do?” I asked Luke.
There was a noise of consideration, then he told me, “I was thinking use my hips more.”
