“We can handle it,” Luke repeated. He reached out to pull me downwards and I went willingly, our lips meeting and I wondered if this was the most moment perfect of my life. Here on a nice night with my boyfriend, about to embark on a new adventure while he wished me a fond farewell. When we pulled apart, Luke looked sleepy and content and it was mixed with my favorite face of his, the satisfied one after sharing a great kiss with me.
“Now,” I said seriously. “I believe I was promised some compliments.”
He rolled his eyes but smiled and opened his mouth to begin the complimenting but then he got a text. I was very pissed off at whoever the texter was and I aimed curses and insults at them viciously in my head until Luke told me what the text said.
Luke and I had a whirlwind romance, the kind where our eyes met in a crowded room and we just knew. Our courtship was perfect and enviable and we became closer and fell in love without any faltering or awkward moments at all. All of this and more could be true when choosing to believe it and doing no fact checking at all.
A more accurate interpretation of our relationship might involve snark, pet names, getting things wrong, getting things wronger, and doing the worst possible stuff in the most endearing ways. But really, life wasn’t like a science experiment. With science and research, you had a hypothesis, a process, then results and data all arranged in a clear picture.
In reality, it was more unclear. There was no controlled environment or sterile conditions. Because yeah, maybe there had been bumps along the road, mistakes on our way here but maybe all of that had to happen. It felt like those steps were necessary. That even when things were going wrong, they were ultimately going right so that we could get here to this moment in time when Luke got the best text in the world. So many things were possible in this moment, and our relationship was going to level up in the best way ever.
* * *
Luke
Did barns have skylights? Maybe horses enjoyed a view of the stars as much as anyone else. Pretty sure that’s what Mr. Miller was going to get. Either that or possibly rent the space out. Ryan was excited for horses, which made me smile and nod before changing the subject because I was terrified of him on a horse. He could already do enough damage just trying to talk and walk upright at the same time. I didn’t want to know how much he could hurt himself when adding a giant animal to the mix.
The barn being constructed on the Miler property wasn’t finished yet—didn’t have a roof—but I kind of liked it that way. I lay on a bale of hay, staring up at the stars while my boyfriend chattered on in the background. This moment felt nice, even though I might get in trouble for not listening to said boyfriend. I was having a nice time, even though I was exhausted, and I didn’t think I’d be able to move if I wanted to.
Good thing I didn’t want to.
I’d been working for a week, which basically meant I wanted to die because it was brutal and I hadn’t gotten back into the groove of my summer job. My muscles ached and complained all the time and now they’d given up all together. When Ryan came back, I’d be all bronzed and jacked and awesomely strong but right now I was a tired mess.
Yeah, Ryan was leaving. It might suck but we could handle it. That was the story of our life. We dealt with some hardships, some challenges, but we got through it together. Because there was nothing better than being with Ryan Miller. The rest sucked but being with him didn’t.
Unfortunately. There was definitely a kind of sucking I wouldn’t mind.
Couldn’t complain though. I had Ryan over me and there wasn’t a better way to spend the night. Then Joey texted. And hey, there actually was a better way to spend the night.
While I didn’t want to move a moment ago, I would have run laps, done handstands, anything to make this happen. Fortunately, I didn’t have to do any of that. I told Ryan about the text. Joey was offering us a room alone; his parents were gone and we could finally have some privacy.
Yeah, I didn’t want to go all the way over there and I really didn’t want to pay Joey but then again… Sex. With Ryan! Finally! Him leaving? Sucked but we could handle it. But this? A great way to say goodbye and if it sucked then it would be the appropriate time for that to happen. Wheee!
“Aww, he does love us,” Ryan commented after reading the text. Joey Wilson from the baseball team was one of my closest friends. We grew up together and did a bunch of dumb stuff together, which was what friendship was all about when you were a guy. I was the starting pitcher and he was the starting catcher, so we had that connection too.
However, none of that had anything to do with why he was comfortable renting his room out to the gays. I explained to Ryan, “No, he got fired from his summer job for giving away stuff to cute girls.” A bad plan all around, because he worked at a car wash, so he was giving, like, bottles of car soap and wax away, which weren’t cheap and girls also didn’t care about. “His price is 50 bucks.” No physical challenges, no essay portion, just money up front.
“Highway robbery,” Ryan commented. True, because I doubted his room was even clean. However…
“If we want this to happen,” I tried to keep my voice even and light. “I mean your dad is home, so it’s not like we could go to your room.” I’m so proud of myself for using words, mostly I was just imagining the stuff Ryan and I could do with a room to ourselves and then immediately trying not to imagine it because what if it didn’t happen?
“We don’t have to now,” Ryan said. Consider the point, I instructed myself. That’s what a good partner would do. Don’t start crying.
“Right,” I agreed, trying not to frown. “We could wait.” I frowned. “Why are we waiting again?” There were probably reasons. I couldn’t think of any, but then again, I didn’t have a lot of rational thought going on right now, it was mostly just my whole body saying, yes please, and oh my god Ryan’s legs, just under me or tangled with mine, no, wait, reasons.
“I don’t think there’s a reason we’re waiting,” Ryan said. “We just haven’t had the opportunity.” Okay, so he wasn’t saying he wanted to wait. He was trying to be all mature and reasonable because that was a thing we were trying out. There were probably some arguments to be made, things we needed to think about carefully. There were probably tons of reasons people didn’t have sex. I just… I couldn’t remember them.
I cleared my throat and tried to evenly say, “This seems like an opportunity.” I remarked on it casually, like the weather. Sunny with a chance of sex. No. I was just putting it out there, but I didn’t want to pressure Ryan. And hey, that was the only reason I’d need. If he wanted to wait, we’d wait.
I would also go throw myself into the nearest body of water to cool down, and ugh, moving would be a bitch, but I would handle it. We both had to be ready and. Uh. What was I thinking? Everything in my brain was only saying one thing, it all lead back to same place: 1+1=sex.
“Yeah, why are we even discussing this?” Ryan had a crazy grin on his face, looking as excited as I felt.
Oh thank god. I totally wouldn’t pressure him, but I’m super glad he’s ready because I am so, so, so, so, so—
“Seems like we should discuss it,” I carried on rationally, trying to give us time to talk or whatever when my brain was internally just going wheeee! “Instead of just rushing.”
Ryan tried to give me a smart look along with his excited, crazy look and the result was… weird. But not a turnoff. “You think we should take things even slower?”
