“Tempting,” he said though likely didn’t really mean, but he was wearing his Ryan-is-amusing face, so I let it slide because that was actually my favorite face of his. “I just don’t have the energy to panic right now.” Didn’t seem like he wanted me to be his panic surrogate, more like he wanted to avoid it all together. Preposterous.
“Just a little freak out now and then it’s out of the way and we won’t have to panic later.” Panic and highly unlikely worst-case scenarios were in my DNA, and I had to leave for the summer to go advance in my field enough that one day I could be the brilliant scientist who discovered and then eliminated the awkward gene in teenage boys. The world would thank me. Or at least teenage boys would.
“It’s only two months,” Luke spoke calmly, like maybe there was a way to stop the freak out before it happened, even though he had to know me well enough to know there was no way that was happening. Yet, he was trying anyway, just because he didn’t want me to worry. Aww.
“And adding the only makes it sound not that long,” I added. Life was surreal. Having this opportunity meant I was smart, intelligent. At the same time, in what universe was leaving the greatest boyfriend ever a wise decision?
Yes, there was more to the world than Luke Chambers, who was a soon to be senior, the pitcher and captain of the baseball team, and also earnest and clueless and wonderful. Unfortunately, there was more to the world than him. This was my last night with Luke for a while, so I was allowed to overload on fond thoughts and wanting this time to last just a little longer and at the same time dreading being apart. Now was the time to do all that so that tomorrow when he wasn’t in proximity I could focus on my studies.
Leaving was good and bad. Bad: less Luke. Good: all the cool stuff I’d get to do. And while entirely avoiding the nerves and worry and crazy scenarios I came up with was as of yet an impossible feat, Luke and I were prepared, we had a plan.
“Do we need to go over the plan?” Luke asked. The plan, maybe even The Plan, was there to prevent the freaking out. No, like I said, that was impossible. But it would lessen the freak out hopefully.
I sighed. “I know the plan.”
“Let’s go over the plan,” he decided.
I sighed again. He pecked me on the lips and then I really tried to sigh and sound exasperated but I only sounded dreamy. Luke smirked, proud of himself for getting me on board and I would do something to challenge him but my lips still tingled form the brief touch of his mouth on mine and I stared longingly at those lips. Oh lips, I think I’m going to miss you most of all.
“Okay,” Luke said to get my attention. “We’re going to make an effort to stay in touch, even when we get busy. Which means we’re going to text every day and call when we can, but—” And here he paused for me to take over.
“We won’t freak out if that doesn’t happen,” I filled in. I was going to be busy, he was going to be busy. It was okay if we missed a call or two, that didn’t mean he was dead in a ditch, didn’t love me anymore, or he accidentally ran over someone and had to flee the country immediately.
“What was that?” Luke asked, drawing me away from my craziness.
I glared at him. “You heard me.”
“Say it one more time?” His bottom lip jutted out a bit in a pout. “For me?”
One day I would build an immunity to that I lied to myself. “We won’t freak out if that doesn’t happen,” I said again, trying to grumble but I couldn’t when Luke looked pleased that I indulged him.
“And were going to be honest with how we’re feeling and—"
“Discuss any problems together,” I finished. Never having been calm, rational people before, we decided to give that a try. Just for fun. We were prepared to be apart. We didn’t need to freak out. However, I had another thought about what would help. “You’re also going to come visit,” I informed Luke.
“Gonna try, but don’t know for sure yet. And you are going to let me do as much of the worrying and figuring things out as possible while you focus on your work.” How could I trust him with that task when he wasn’t doing any of the worrying now? His worry skills would be rusty! Oh. Maybe that’s why he was the perfect person for the job. He wouldn’t go assuming I was dead in a ditch or didn’t love him anymore.
“We’re really sure about this being mature and not freaking out thing?” I asked.
Luke’s Ryan-is-amusing face made an appearance again, then went softer, all warm and fond. Okay, that was definitely my favorite face of his. “I’m not focusing on us being apart,” he told me. “I’m thinking about how I’m super proud of you and am only going to get more proud.” Oh, that face saying those words? Super awesome.
“Oh, yeah? Go on.” And here I wanted to convince him to join the crazy train but he somehow found my only weakness. Him saying nice things to me. And this was my head, I could totally have only one weakness if I wanted to.
In the real world, I hit a snag as Luke stopped saying nice things to me. “If your ego gets any bigger, it won’t fit on the plane.” He protested but his face was still open and fond, so I didn’t take offense.
“This is exactly how I want to remember you,” I continued despite his words. “As the hopelessly devoted, praising me endlessly boyfriend you are.” He was none of those things and yet I loved him anyway. That spoke to my easygoing, selfless nature. Again, this was my head, I could have an easygoing, selfless nature if I wanted to. Though, eww, why would I want that?
“We didn’t finish our plan,” Luke pointed out. We also didn’t finish Ryan-is-great time. My favorite time ever.
“Sure you don’t want to compliment me?” I coaxed. “At least a little more?” Now it was my turn to pout.
“That doesn’t work on me.” He smirked.
“Sure about that, Genius?” He went even more boneless where he was laying at hearing my pet name for him. I went in for the kill, adding, “I love you.”
“Okay, fine,” he relented, dimples just beginning to make an appearance as a smile formed on his face, but then he became serious again. I managed not to wail, which was even more difficult than not freaking out, because I had been deprived of the dimples. “Wait, finish the thing,” Luke instructed.
“This might suck but we can handle it.” That was our motto for this summer. It might suck but we could handle it. Maybe I could put that on a pillow in needlepoint. I’d need to get a pillow and learn needlepoint in a few hours. Even if he wasn’t the height of entertainment when all tired from a long day, I’d still rather sit here with him.
