12. The Aforementioned Long Dark Night of the Soul?
Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. And not in a dirty way.
Ryan
Everything made sense again and all was right in the world.
…
That was me, just, you know, being me. Hyperbole. Getting carried away. Putting a rosy spin on things. Out and out lying. One of those. Or maybe all of those? I always did that. I never told it like it is, so Luke should be grateful and turned on and impressed that I was even trying honesty at all. He should bow down at my feet and—
There I went getting carried away. Okay. Everything didn’t make sense and all wasn’t right with the world, but there was a slight improvement, so of course I was going to pretend like everything was great now. That’s what I did. Even though everything wasn’t right with the world because just trying to act like it was instantly made me sad after.
If only things could be as easy out loud as they were in my head. The world would be a very different place… Actually, that concept even scared me.
The thing that improved? I was happy to be talking to Luke tonight. Why? Because we weren’t talking about us. We were going old school again, phone to phone, voice to voice, no fancy video chatting like the kids with all their gadgets. I relaxed on my bed, laying on my back while willing my leg to stop twitching with excitement. It didn’t work. Stupid leg.
I opened with, “Time for my regularly scheduled terrifying glimpse into Alicia and Lydia’s relationship.” I should have made popcorn. Then again, I was living in a college dorm for the summer and I didn’t want to be that guy who burned the popcorn and set off the fire alarm and made everyone trudge outside at 2 A.M. I hated that guy.
His name was Greg Meadows and I hated him. I needed my beauty sleep. Though, it wasn’t two A.M. right now, so at least I would inconvenience everyone at a better time. I was back to wanting popcorn again. Should being able to make popcorn without starting a fire be a perquisite for colleges? There were so many kinds of smarts, book smarts and street smarts and popcorn smarts.
“Why do you sound so chipper?” Luke asked me.
“Excuse you, I have never chipped anything in my life. Never chipped or chucked or chirped—” Yep, carried away, party of me.
“Glossing over that,” Luke decided after a pause. Smart man.
“Thanks, babe” My heart did something weird then. A pang for the time when things were simple and we called each other babe nonstop but a hopeful leap at us seeming so like us for a moment. “I just love hearing about other people’s problems,” I explained. “Makes me feel better about my own life.”
“Oh yeah. Well, there isn’t a ton to report.” Luke made an annoyed noise. “I just wanna grab them and shake them. I can’t tell them how dumb they’re being because, uh, what’s that saying?” He thought for a moment. “Something to do with, like, why build houses with tricky materials when you don’t have any construction experience?”
“Nope,” I told him gleefully. I had no idea what he was saying yet, but I would still bet a ton of money I didn’t have that it didn’t go like that.
“That’s solid advice,” he argued. “Why build if you don’t know how?” He sounded distracted while he thought about what he meant, so I didn’t answer and he continued after a moment. “Okay, I got it. You shouldn’t use glass when you could use stone. Maybe that’s something contractors say and now it’s mainstream.”
“Still nope,” I informed him, but it was enough to clue me in. “And that would be a little long.” I wasn’t the best at remembering witticisms, I liked to believe it was because I had too many original, clever comments from my own mind to keep track of, but Luke was even worse than me.
“Okay, but like, a shortened version of what I said,” Luke argued. “That’s how it goes. I’m pretty sure.” He sounded so serious and my heart did the leap-pang again.
“People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, that’s the expression.” This was nice. I liked Luke and knowing things and knowing things with Luke.
Luke considered that. My leg twitched again as I waited for his thoughts. And for a moment, all actually did feel right with the world again. “Is there really any reason to throw stones regardless of what kind of structure you’re in?” my boo wondered.
I tilted my head in acknowledgement of his point but then thought of a counterpoint. “What about being outside in front of a lake?” I’d never been good at skipping stones. Why disturb a body of water with a stone when you could disturb it with your whole body instead? Swimming was better than throwing rocks. Duh. People were dumb.
“I’d understand why you’d want your house to be made of glass if you lived by a lake, because then you’d be able to see the lake.” Duh, his voice said loudly.
“Oh, the view, yeah. You got a point there.” I frowned while proud rightness emanated from Luke’s side of the phone.
What the hell we were talking about? Hey, it was just like old times! Oh god, was that old times? Were moments like this going to be fewer and farther in between? Relics of the past? Here one moment and gone the next, leaving me wanting more but unsure how to bring it back.
“Anyway,” Luke said, drawing me away from my freak out. “I can’t tell Lyd and Alicia what to do because they have to figure it out for themselves and if I told them to hurry the hell up, then they could, you know, point back to me and any decision I’ve ever made ever and how slow I am and how annoying I get.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. Should I disagree? The boyfriend thing to do might be to mount a token protest. No, I was proud of my boo for his self-awareness.
“But seriously, I know the right answer this time! And as I’m not the best at making decisions, that’s rare and I want to show it off.”
“Let me in here, babe. What’s the right answer? Even I don’t know. If one person has sexual desires and the other doesn’t, aren’t you kind of always at odds?” I was on Alicia’s side, because bestie, but still, it just seemed like they wanted different things. Though, really, after how things went for me and Luke, maybe it’d be better if we became asexual too.
