“It’s not really a secret,” the person said. Does that mean it was okay that I had a guess? I had a guess. Then I felt like an asshole.
When in doubt, remember what was important. Ryan. No. Yes, but that also hurt and wasn’t of immediate concern. Manners. That was important.
I didn’t know how to act in this situation though. “Can I go over the ground rules?” I asked hesitantly, but no one stopped me, so I kept going. “I’m not allowed to call you male or female things, right?” I asked the non-male or female person. Person who was not male or female? “And I’m not supposed to ask invasive questions, and I bow every time you leave the room.”
The person laughed. Or were they a Person? “Ryan made the last one up,” said the person or Person.
“I knew it!” I hated that Ryan and I weren’t in the same place before but now I really hated it because I wished he was here so that I could murder him. My face grew hot as I tried to defend myself. “Ryan swore that was the most important one and he knows more about this stuff than me!”
Morgan laughed more and Jeremey joined in.
That seemed to lighten things up, so I asked, “I’m just calling you the person in my head. Is that what I do?” Should I just stick to Morgan?
“They/them pronouns are fine. Or my name,” Morgan they/them said. Oh, I probably didn’t have to use all of that together. Or did I? Should I add that to my list of questions? They saw what I was thinking. “All of that is acceptable, but it’s not a title that all needs to be said at once.” Okay, cool. They smiled. “Thanks for being polite even in your head.”
“Of course,” I replied. “That’s what it’s all about.” Morgan looked confused, so I gestured to Ryan’s roommate and held up my saline. “This guy gets it.”
He nodded. “Manners.” I nodded back. This guy was so my brother. If not by blood, then like, spiritually. We both grew up with the same kind of mom. I didn’t get credit just for being polite. Politeness was nonnegotiable.
There was a silence, and I tried not to focus on Morgan too much, which of course meant they were all I thought about. Was that okay? I hoped that was okay. I didn’t want to be a jerk.
Wait. I had never met a… Oh god, I forgot the freaking word. I was not brave enough to ask, especially after feeling foolish once. I had never met a no gender person before. Just like I’d never driven a car or tried eggplant parmigiana or ridden an upside rollercoaster at different points in my life. This was new. Like all those other things had been once. It was okay to be curious. That was how you learned.
Ryan had told me that last part. When he was explaining the no gender thing. Except he said something really smart and eloquent. Not knowing stuff was the point of science, so it was okay not to have all the answers and to feel dumb because you had to be a complete idiot first sometimes, that was the first step in figuring out something new.
“Is Ryan okay?” Jeremey asked. “He left in a hurry.”
“Yeah, he’ll be back.” I tried to smile. “He’s actually trying to visit me.”
“That’s hilarious,” Morgan said, laughing and pausing their laughter shortly just to say that, then starting again. Was it okay to not like Morgan? Just a little? Not based on gender or non-gender but because they were being kinda rude? Maybe Morgan didn’t know but politeness was nonnegotiable.
“I’m sorry,” they said, trying to control their amusement. “I don’t want to laugh, and I know we just met, and I don’t know you, but I do know Ryan and…” They shrugged. I stopped disliking Morgan because that was a good enough argument for me. This really was the kind of thing that would happen to Ryan. Couldn’t fault them for that.
“Glad he’s okay,” Jeremey said. Morgan nodded seriously like that was what they meant to say instead of laughing.
I focused on Ryan’s roommate. He was so… “No offense, like, I really don’t want to come into your home and say this but,” I paused.
“Ryan described me different?” he guessed.
“Completely.” He said you’re scary as hell. Oh, but don’t— “He said you’re scary as hell.” Oh, shit. “I didn’t mean to tell you that.”
“I figured.” Guy looked embarrassed. “I’m not great at talking to people.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said, nodding. I saw the problem here. “Ryan’s not great at talking to people either but for very different reasons.” Sounded like Jeremey had trouble finding the words to say while Ryan said all the words, in whatever order he thought of them, too many words.
“Yeah, and he’s been so focused on school, we just never clicked. And then…” He looked away.
“And then,” Morgan echoed.
“And then,” I said and they both looked at me oddly. “What? Was I not supposed to say that too? You both did.” I wanted to be included.
“I didn’t really know anyone else to talk to,” he explained slowly. “So I wanted to ask Ryan, but I could never form the words. I mean, Ryan knew Morgan best and, he’s well, with you, and I didn’t even.” He made a face like none of the words in his head were coming out the right way when he spoke. He tried again. “Science stuff I understand. Romance stuff, that’s different.”
And then indeed. But and then what? This guy was a lot bigger than me. I hoped we didn’t have to beat each other up. “You have romance stuff, um, with Ryan?” I asked with some dread.
“No, no, I.” He looked at Morgan. They looked back and then they both looked away for a second when their eyes met, but they both smiled a bit.
“Oh, with Morgan?” I clarified. Relief washed over me for a second, but it was quickly followed by alarm. Wait, if I couldn’t ask about their gender… “Am I allowed to ask that?”
