Zach sighed dramatically.
Guess Luke’s moping wasn’t only bothering me. Well, it wasn’t bothering me in the same way it was bothering Zach. I didn’t like my boo being worried and fixated, stressing himself out. Zach was probably just annoyed.
“Alright,” Zach said, snapping his fingers in front of Luke to get his attention. “It’s like this.”
“Gather round everyone,” I quipped while squeezing Luke’s thigh under the table. “Zach’s about to explain the way the world works to us simpletons.”
“Use visual aids,” Lydia suggested. “It will be entertaining, I meaninformative,with visual aids.”
“Pay attention, Luke,” Zach said. “You’re the simpleton I had in mind.” He cleared his throat, made sure he had everyone’s attention, and began. “Guys want to be all hetero and masculine and sure of themselves,” he started confidently. “And 90% of it is bullshit.”
“Yes,” I said immediately. And this didn’t apply to me at all because fortunately he said hetero and I definitely wasn’t that.
Zach did use a visual aid and it was enterta—informative. He took Luke’s plate, which held his second, uneaten slice of pizza. He held up the plate. “And anytime you have to make aneffortto be tough and manly, you run the risk of coming across as exactly the opposite of those things.”
He grabbed the pizza with one hand, just holding the crust, and put the plate down. The slice of pepperoni and sausage wilted, folding under the weight of the toppings. Lydia’s eyes lit up while her and Alicia giggled and tried to contain themselves.
Luke looked very unsettled by the pizza. “Can I have that back?I don’t want it to represent… whatever it’s representing.” Alicia and Lydia laughed because they had a pretty good idea what the pizza could represent. Luke frowned. “I have to eat that.”
“Doesn’t suit your palate?” Zach asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Thought you’d developed a taste forpizza,” Lydia said.
“Lots of jokes are running through my mind, but I’m gonna defend my BF anyway.” The guy that said that was such a caring, amazing person.
Luke looked at me and said, “First part kinda ruins the second.”
“Fine, I’m going to defend Ryan anyway.” With pleasure. “Ryan is right and you all should back off. There, are you happy I’m not defending you anymore?” I asked Luke.
He pouted and I managed to resist. “No,” he mumbled.
I couldn’t resist anymore. “Aww, babe.” I leaned into him. “The lesson is just always do whatever Ryan says.”
There was his smile. “That willneverbe the lesson.”
“It hasn’t been yet, that just means it’s coming. It’s the apocalypse or winter but with less cockroaches and heteros.” Ryan-is-always-right time involved absolutely no cockroaches or heteros.
There was my boo’s adorable, confused face. “Didn’t totally follow all that, but you’re so cute when you’re crazy, Lemon Drop.” His smile was uneven and he looked really fond.
“Thanks, Genius.” I brought my forehead in closer to his.
We smiled at each other while our noses brushed and the hands closest to each other were doing a dance only they knew. Being cutsey was already great. Being cutesy in front of our friends was double great because it also annoyed them.
“Ahem,” Zach cut in sharply. “We were listening to Zach.”
“I’d rather listen to Zach be a dbag,” Joey said, and I didn’t have the best view of him, but he probably glared in the general direction of me and Luke for this next part. “Then watch you two Eskimo kiss for the millionth time.”
I leaned forward to give him a cheeky look. “You watch, do you?”
Before Joey could respond, probably with something agreeable and very nice to Ryan, Zach ordered, “We’re listening to Zach now.” He cleared his throat, waited for all eyes to turn towards him and then began again. “The thing about men is that every interaction is always roughly two seconds away from turning gay,” he stated plainly. “Everyone knows it, but no one wants to talk about it.”
“No way,” Joey said. “Are you playing mind games again?”
“I’m not sure that’s—” Luke started. The furrow threatened to make an appearance.
“Sing it, sister,” I said.
“Straight guys can’t just own all the homoerotic tension they create,” Zach continued, singing it. “They have to settle for ignoring it, interspersed with bouts of vehemently denying any and all gayness that comes close to them while proudly and loudly declaring their own straightness.”
