"How is that possible?" I fought an urge to throw him in the pond, to make him react. “How are you so calm?”
"Max, I promise you that there’s no reason to be concerned about me." He laughed. “I’m not calm. I hate that you’re in danger. I want to save you but saving you shouldn’t come at the cost of you hating me or hating yourself, hating what we thought we had to do.”
“I want you to be alive,” he said next. “More than that, I want you to be able to live your life, freely, however you choose. I want you to have everything. So you need to answer this question on your own.”
Weren’t we supposed to be in this together? How was it all on my shoulders? Worst of all, he didn’t even say he wanted this. Just that he wanted to save me.
"Great, that’s great. Thanks for letting me know."
"Where are you going?"
I’d started backing up, needing to get away. "Shouldn’t I go figure this out by myself? Didn’t youjusttell me to do that?” He certainly wasn’t about to help and I wanted to punch all the things, so I needed some space. “I should probably be alone. Might as well enjoy that while I can."
So pissed I couldn’t think straight, I just needed to leave and go somewhere far away from here. And off I went.
22.Impossible Choices Made Easy
Max
One minute the dark night sky surrounded me. Then I arrived somewhere else. In a smoky, dimly lit bar. A jazz tune played. I sat down at the bar next to Frost.
Would he hear me over the noise of the bar?
Frost tilted his head while bringing his tumbler of amber liquid to his lips. When he set the glass down, all the other noise quieted. I could barely hear the music or anything outside our little bubble. Nobody else would hear us either. Too bad. We were in a bar after all. I could use a drink.
A drink appeared on the bar before me, the same color as Frost’s beverage.
"You’re definitely reading my mind now," I said.
"I don’t have to. Even before we communed, the link started forming.”
"What if we decided to opt out of this link?”
He grinned like I told a hilarious joke. “To even consider such a thing is one of the few sins we have."
I grabbed my drink and gulped it down in harsh swallows. The drink burned down my throat. I coughed and sputtered. “Life after the basement was supposed to be different. I’m supposed to be free now and have a choice.”
"Is this really the same?” Though much more composed, his voice sounded rougher than usual from his own drink. “You do have a choice. Even if time is limited and there are more risks with some decisions, it’s still your decision."
"Really?” I wondered. “If I choose not to bond, will I explode?"
"I don’t know how else to prevent it, but I’m hardly omnipotent. It’s really a simple question."
“Survival always is.” Live or die.
“Yes, we know your answer there.” Last time I managed to survive. “Perhaps it’s fortunate this question is different. Would you like to bond with Lysander or not? The rest takes care of itself based on your answer.”
"It really feels more life and death."
"Matters of the heart always do."
“I’m supposed to have a choice,” I muttered.
"If you have another suggestion, I’m open to it. Say the word and we’ll search for another option. I’ll help however I can. Temple will do anything for you, I have no doubt of that. Even if we don’t succeed, we’re willing to try. We’ll follow anything you decide. It’s your call. That sounds like a choice to me.”
Well, it certainly sounded choice-like when explained like that. Was this a trick? Had the one sip of alcohol altered my perception? Or was it just easier to be angry about this and vent than it was to face the options?
"It’s not a verygoodchoice," I grumbled.
