"Nobody ever said that was part of the deal."
"You don’t understand."
"I do." Frost refilled and then drained his glass. “On Heaven, we see ourselves as parts of a whole. We don’t have the concept of individuals. We think as one, we act as one. It’s so easy to lose yourself. There’s no god, no higher purpose, only us. Yet with so many spirits working in perfect harmony, we find ourselves infallible just the same."
While not totally expecting that, it wasn’t quite a surprise either. Maybe some mostly forgotten memory inside me matched up with his account. Or I was just starting to understand. The beings Frost described were capable of extensive shifting and unending power, they were capable of anything, and yet their minds were so very rigid, encased in the same ice that covered their planet.
He stared into the dregs of his drink as he continued. “So I understand how important freedom is. I gave up my home for it. But what are you really scared of?”
I couldn’t answer, voice stolen from me as Frost stood up, setting bills on the counter for the drinks. Seeing as he could just disappear in an instant and make all the patrons here none the wiser, he seemed to go through the motions for my benefit. It made me nervous.
"Are you afraid you don’t have a choice?" Frost questioned. “Or are you unwilling to admit that youcanchoose because the choice you want to make scares you?”
Frost disappeared. The seat next to me held nobody, as if he was never here. The noise from the bar returned. I ordered a drink. Then I sat there for a long time nursing the drink and thinking.
For all the stress and pressure, the answer was stupidly simple.
When rescued from the basement, I wanted to know more about myself. And when it came to interacting with the world around me, I needed freedom.
Freedom seemed so impossible. I didn’t recognize it until the truth smacked me in the face. Until Temple was willing to walk away from me, despite all the reasons he shouldn’t, just because I asked him to. Because he couldn’t just help me. I wouldn’t have appreciated it or him. I had to want his help, to accept it and choose it.
And now, he was doing the same thing. Temple was willing to let me go, willing to let me decide. Even if it hurt him, he put me first. He didn’t confess his feelings for me. Because if he told me he loved me and we should consider this, Temple’s love for me would just make me feel… trapped. Like if I had this great man who loved me, there really was no other option, was there? It forced my hand.
Explosion or not, love or not, I had to do what I could live with. Even if the lifespan left much to be desired.
I either had to take my chances and find another way or I had to decide that I wanted to be with Temple, be with Lysander. Be with him forever. And if we moved up the timetable of when that happened to save my life, I could live with that. Because I’d live. Most importantly, because we werealwaysgoing to get here anyway and it was what I wanted.
What webothwanted. Because I didn’t have to worry about him. He knew what he wanted. Me. That only left what I wanted.
…That was the answer, wasn’t it?
The buyers, the Brokers, they were evil. They didn’t care what us mates for sale wanted. They didn’t even ask. It made no difference to them. Being chained to someone who disregarded my wishes was how mates were introduced to me. That was the fate I wanted to avoid.
But if Lysander was willing to offer his heart and soul up to me and all he asked for in return was that I wanted the same thing, then that wasn’t evil at all. It was good. It was…love.
Oh my god. I needed to find him.
I attempted to will myself to different locations. Traveling as a spirit and arriving at Better Tomorrow took some time. I transported myself to Lysander’s apartment pretty quickly. When about to stop by the pond and check if he lingered there, I had the feeling he left before the surroundings appeared, so I diverted and ended up at the DSA. Outside it actually, but nobody seemed the wiser about how I appeared.
"Dammit, open up. Come on!" The door rattled as I pushed against the handle, not budging. “This doesn’t seem very practical” I hissed at the building like it was personally responsible. “What kind of police station closes at night?” Not practical for one in a larger city, at any rate.
The DSA hid among the regular world in an office building that shut its doors after regular business hours. There must be a way to get inside, a secret switch or magic word. Maybe a secret entrance that allowed supernatural people to get to the proper authorities around the clock.
How did one figure it out? Guess they were taught. Like parents teach their children how to call 911 or not talk to strangers, they probably also showed them how to navigate the secret paths keeping one world from the other. If I went back to Better Tomorrow, someone there would know the answer… except this time, nothing happened when I thought about returning.
“Please open?” I tried. Nope, still locked. “Pretty please?”
Some passersby gave me strange looks since I was talking to nobody in particular and it looked like I was trying to break into a closed building. I put some distance between me and the building. Some restaurants and bars were still open. If I went to a restaurant or watched from somewhere nearby, maybe I’d see someone familiar. I scanned the few people on the street.
"Nope. Nobody looks familiar."
"What about me?"
The voice came from behind me. The man there didn’t look familiar but I still had a vague recognition of him.
"Yeah, you seem familiar. Were you there for the raid?" That whole night passed in a blur when the DSA rescued us. I vaguely remembered Aaron from that night but only because I saw him again soon after. “Did we meet after the rescue?”
Really those first few weeks were all hazy.
