“Or, you know, it was a rookie mistake.” My mouth twitched as I fought the urge to smile.
Grey laughed, and I tried my best to maintain a straight face before giving in and joining him. We stayed there laughing at the ridiculousness of what had happened until my sides hurt and tears stung the corners of my eyes. When we finally calmed down, he rolled off of me to lie beside me.
We were silent for a while. Gradually, our breathing slowed, and our bodies settled.
Then his fingers wrapped around mine. “Any regrets? I know the first time with a guy can be… different.”
The idea that I would regret what had happened between us was so ridiculous that it was all I could do not to burst out laughing all over again. “No regrets,” I said, intertwining my fingers with his. “It was different. But better. Because it was with you.” I paused, a chill running down my spine. My guard had been so low that I’d stupidly let the truth slip out. I instantly wanted to take it back. “I mean—”
Then I noticed the way he was looking at me. Some emotion akin to fondness lay behind his eyes. I couldn’t quite place it, but I knew no one had ever looked at me like that.
“I understand,” he said quietly. His tone eased my fears. “And I feel the same way.”
Chapter 23
Truth
We cleaned up after that. Though we’d just done everythingbuthave sex, I still felt shy around Grey, and he respected my privacy as I showered. He’d given me a fresh change of clothes, including a pair of underwear. I’d been reluctant to put them on at first, but the options were either Grey’s underwear or my own come-stained ones, so… it wasn’t really a choice.
As I showered, guilt knotted my stomach. In the heat of the moment, it had been so easy to brush off how Carina might feel about this whole mess. It was considerably harder once the clarity set in. I tried to shove down the shame. The fact of the matter was, either Grey had a good excuse for fooling around with me while in a relationship, or he didn’t. If he had a good excuse, though for the life of me, I couldn’t fathom what that could be, then there was no harm done. And if hedidn’thave a good excuse, well… it wasn’t my job to protect someone else’s relationship.Didn’t I attempt to do that for months to no avail?The knot in my stomach twisted tighter. Yeah, feeling better about my actions wouldn’t be that easy.
Grey just better have an excellent excuse.
After my shower, Grey took his, and though my mind swirled with questions, I still managed to fall asleep before he wasback. I woke briefly when he joined me. Just enough to curl myself deep into his arms as he wrapped them around me. My questions flitted across my mind, but I didn’t pay them as much attention this time. We could talk about it when we woke up, just like he had promised, and whatever happened would happen. For now, I would just enjoy drifting off with Grey holding me.
When I woke,the sun was already streaming through the window of his room. Grey slept peacefully, his lips slightly parted as he breathed slowly. He hadn’t moved an inch during the night. God, he looked like an angel. Before I could stop myself, I reached over to peck him on the lips. He blinked in surprise then smiled when he saw me.
“Good morning,” he said groggily.
“Morning.”
He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. For a moment, he looked like a giant kid. It was hilarious and adorable, but as soon as his hands fell from his face, he reverted back to my Grey.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked.
“Like a rock,” I said honestly. I could still feel trace effects of the previous night’s drinking, but it was nothing coffee wouldn’t fix.
“Care for some coffee?” he asked as if reading my mind.
I grinned. Realistically, there was no way he could know what I was thinking, but I found it insufferably cute that we were so in sync in that moment. “Absolutely.”
We went out to his kitchen. The living area was as empty as it had been the night before. If Dae had come home at any point during the night, he’d managed to hide the evidence.
While Grey began pouring water into the coffee maker, my mind wandered. To last night. To us in bed. Then to Carina. And finally to the conversation in the stairwell. The conversation that he’d promised to finish today. I needed it finished. I was tired of the lack of answers when it came to Grey and Carina. And I couldn’t wait any longer, especially after what we’d done.
“So,” I began, trying to keep my tone light as the coffee started to brew. “You said that you’d explain things to me.”
Grey shot me a wary look. “I did.” He rummaged through the cabinets, pulling out mugs for both of us. “Cream?”
He was avoiding the conversation, but I allowed it. I wouldn’t leave his place until he told me everything. “Sure.”
I waited while he finished making our coffee. Each move he made seemed long and drawn out, like he was intentionally taking his time. He might’ve been. But I was also being incredibly impatient, and I knew it.
Finally—about forty years later—he sat down with me at the barstools next to his kitchen counter. I sipped from the coffee the moment he handed it to me. It was delicious.
“Okay.” Grey sighed.
I could see him steeling himself, like he was about to endure excruciating pain. Maybe he was. Maybe the whole truth was more painful than I could imagine.
