I took another sip of coffee as I waited.
“I told you about the fangirl who broke into my apartment last year,” Grey said. “But that wasn’t the end of the story.”
I blinked at him. “Things got worse?”
The corners or his mouth tugged down. “Yeah.” He took a deep, bracing breath. “So, after the fangirl broke into my place, I was obviously on edge. We filed police reports and put a restraining order on her, and I thought it was over. I was kind of right.”
“What do you mean?”
“I meanshedidn’t bother me again. She stepped down as the head of my fan club and checked into a treatment facility. So, that was that, I thought.” He paused, swirling his coffee in his cup before continuing. “But after that… my personal information got out to the public. I’m talking email, phone number, the works. I was constantly bombarded with people trying to contact me. They’d send me nudes, harass me to go on dates with them, type the most disgusting things. I tried blocking people, but that didn’t matter. There were always more people sending me texts. I stopped carrying my phone with me.”
I listened, too afraid to speak, to tell him how sorry I was that he had gone through what he described. That people thought they had some kind of ownership over him just because they liked his music. Now that he was telling me the story, I didn’t want to interrupt, afraid that he might get spooked and stop sharing and I would be left with more questions.
“It was—” Grey cleared his throat. “It was a dark time for me. I got superdepressed. My grades fell. I stopped showing up to rehearsals. The other guys had fans, but for whatever reason, it wasn’t as bad for them as it was for me. Even though Dae and the others felt bad for me, they didn’t exactlyknowwhat it was like to go through it. I’ve never felt so alone.”
I shuddered, picturing Grey sad and alone in his room. With a sudden surge of emotion, I wished for nothing more than to have known him back then—to have been there for him when he needed someone the most. But the hurt Grey had experienced was all behind him. And no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t protect him from things that had already happened.
Grey took another shaky breath. “Then, one night, after the band had played, I was having a drink—one drink—and the next thing I knew…” His breathing sped up, and when he spoke again, I could hear the emotions warring in his throat. “Dae was waking me up in the bathroom stall of the bar. I didn’t know what hadhappened, but my pants were at my ankles. I had flashes of two guys standing over me, but that was about it. I couldn’t tell you what they did. Or evenifthey did anything.”
Cold terror pooled in the pit of my stomach as I processed Grey’s words. “You were drugged?”
Grey nodded. He went to drink from his coffee but then thought better of it and set it aside. “Dae swears he scared them away when he came into the bathroom. That they didn’t have time to do anything. And he’s probably right. My underwear was still on. I didn’t have any… injuries to suggest something else had happened. But…” He trailed off and looked furiously at his lap, but the move didn’t stop me from seeing the tears in his eyes.
Slowly, I reached out to touch his arm. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” The words felt stupid and inadequate, but they were the only ones I had. The cold feeling in my stomach had warmed into a thick cloud of emotion that sat in my chest and throat, threatening to climb farther and spill out of my eyes. I fought it down, refusing to cry in front of Grey. Knowing him, that would only make him feel worse.
We sat in silence for a moment while we collected ourselves.
“After that happened, something had to change,” Grey continued, sounding much calmer now. “I quit the band for about a week, but I couldn’t keep that up.” He smiled grimly. “I love music too much, and I’d be damned if I let those so-called fans keep me from pursuing it. So we held an emergency meeting with the band and our friends to figure out what we should do. A friend we’d all known for years suggested a plan.”
I guessed who he was talking about before he said her name.
“Carina,” he said, “suggested that maybe, just maybe, the fans would cool off a little if they knew I was taken. She had numbers behind to support how parasocial relationships change when celebrities get significant others and whatnot. I can’tremember them anymore. But none of us had any better ideas, so we decided that I would ‘date’ Carina.”
I didn’t miss his air quotes around the word “date” despite the seriousness of his story, and my heart skipped a beat with hope.
“We started publicly dating.” He shrugged. “Even though she was more my bodyguard than my girlfriend. She kept an eye on fans at events and watched my drinks.”
I gaped at him. “She’s not yourrealgirlfriend?” I asked incredulously before I could stop myself.
Grey let out a dark chuckle. “She needed to be for this plan to work. If people thought there was even the slightest chance we weren’t together and that they could have me, then there would be no point in us pretending.”
“Right.” I shook my head to clear it of indignation. “Sorry. Keep going.”
“We started dating. I changed my phone number and moved in with Dae. I did a lot to limit the social media access people had to me—only posting things about the band and my relationship with Carina.” He let out a heavy breath. “And it worked. People backed off. They viewed me as ‘taken,’ so they didn’t bother because what chance did they stand? Carina is gorgeous.”
“Believe it or not, I know a thing or two about the thoughts one can have when they want you but know you’re in a relationship,” I said dryly. “It kept me away for a while.”
Pain flickered across Grey’s face. “I know, and I’m sorry. I—” He hesitated before continuing. “I’ve never… told anyone this before. Not even my mother, though shehatedthe idea of me dating Carina. ‘You went through all this trouble to tell us you’re gay just for you to go and date a girl,’” he said in an eerily accurate imitation of his mom’s voice. He laughed. “She thought I was trying to go back into the closet or something. She didn’t want me to ruin my life by wasting it on someone I didn’t love.”
“I knew I liked your mom,” I said slyly. That earned me a playful push on the arm.
“But after what I’d been through, I wasscared. It’s not the gallant excuse I wish I had, but it’s the truth.” He looked deeply into my eyes.
I was momentarily caught off guard by the ferocity in his brown gaze.
“When I met you, I wanted to tell you everything, so many times, but I chickened out. And I’m sorry.”
“Y-you don’t have to apologize,” I said, surprising myself when I found that Imeantit.
