As we sat around the table, I couldn’t focus on anything they said. They’d certainly cooled toward each other since the beginning of winter break and were closer to how they’d been when they’d dropped me off at school. They were still cordial, but the topics of conversation had become much more surface level and monotonous.
“Are you okay?” my mom asked after I’d let a question hang in the air for too long.
I looked up in surprise to see both parents wearing matching expressions of concern. “Uh, what?”
“We asked how you feel about your upcoming semester,” Dad prompted.
“Oh, yeah, good. Really… good.”Do it. Just tell them.For some reason, the statementI’ve been kissing a boyremained caught in my throat. I could feel my mouth forming around it. It would be so easy to let the words tumble out, but I couldn’t give myself the nudge to make them heard.
“Sounds good,” my mom said, purposefully repeating my words in an unconvinced tone. “Is there anything you want to tell us?”
I looked from my mom to my dad and back again.Well, I guess this is as good a time as I’m going to get. They practically laid out the red carpet for me any everything.“Actually, yeah.” I straightened.
“Please, tell me you haven’t gotten someone pregnant,” Dad said.
A nervous laugh escaped my lips. “No.” My face flushed. “But Iamseeing someone.” That was good. That was a safe statement.Why am I dragging this out?
My parents sat up taller. I’d never talked to them about anyone I was seeing, not because I hid that kind of thing fromthem but because I’d never been interested enough in anyone to find them worth mentioning. It seemed Grey was changing my life in more ways than I could keep track of. If I had hoped that they would take up the conversation and press me further, I was disappointed. They both seemed perfectly content to wait until I was ready to speak.
I took the biggest breath of my life. “His name is Grey.” The pronoun felt harsh coming out of my lips.
For my parents’ part, they didn’t so much as twitch an eyebrow in response.
“His name is Grey?” My dad repeated the statement as a question.
He gave an increasingly familiar vacant look as everything clicked into place in his brain. It was the same expression Josh and Kellan had worn when they’d first figured out I liked Grey.
“He’s a boy?” Mom asked. Her face was a careful kind of blank that made my stomach twist with unease.
A nervous smile tugged at my lips. “Yes.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful, sweetheart!” Mom gushed, immediately dispelling the tension in my gut. “And that explains so much.”
Now it was my turn to give a weird look. “What does that mean?”
“Oh, nothing.” She waved her hand. “It’s just that, well, to be honest, you’ve never seemed particularly interested in forming relationships with girls.”
“I’ve been with girls before,” I argued, my face growing warm.Does she want a complete list of everyone I’ve ever slept with?I could provide it and make dinner awkward for everyone.
“We know that, Ethan,” Dad cut in with a chuckle. “But most guys tend to want tobewith girls—like for more than a few weeks.”
“Your father and I discussed this possibility when you first entered high school,” Mom added.
I blinked at them.Had it been that obvious to everyone but me? Does my complete lack of desire to form lasting relationships with girls mean that I’m not into them? Is that why I made plans like the ones at the beginning of the semester?Plans where I didn’t have to get to know anyone deeper than just the surface level.
Every one of my longest relationships had been friendships with guys, but I thought most guys were like that.Bros before hoesand all that. Maybe I hadn’t known myself as well as I’d thought. “Oh.” That was all I could think to say.
My mind spiraled through too many emotions for me to form anything resembling a coherent sentence. For one, I was relieved that they didn’t seem bothered by my revelation. I was shocked that they’d seen it coming for nearly eight years, annoyed that I was the last to know something so monumental. Then I couldn’t help but be begrudgingly amused at myself for how big I’d built up this conversation in my head.
A thought occurred to me. “You didn’t think to clue me in?” I demanded. It sure would’ve saved me a lot of wasted time.
Mom gave me an exasperated look. “I’m sure that conversation would’ve gonesowell. ‘Hi, son, have you considered kissing boys?’”
“I get your point,” I muttered, ears burning with fresh embarrassment. Knowing me, I would’ve shut down so hard the instant my parents brought up the topic of conversation, I probably wouldn’t have even consideredlookingat a guy until my mid-thirties.
“It’s fine. We knew you’d figure things out eventually.” Dad gave me one of his strangely paternal and not-at-all-like-him looks. “This boy, he treats you right?”
I mean, he did…but also things were way more complicated than what it felt like he was asking me. “We aren’t dating or anything,” I said, feeling the sudden urge to clarify things. Maybe I’d oversold what Grey and I were. “Just seeing where things could go right now.”
