“Well, I’m glad you can acknowledge your feelings for him regardless.” Mom gave a ponderous pause. “And I’m proud of you for telling us. I imagine that’s not an easy thing. I know your father and I haven’t always been role model parents, but we love you.”
I wasn’t sure where it came from, but tears sprang unexpectedly to my eyes. All of my tension throughout my visit home lifted from my shoulders the moment she validated its existence. I could have guessed all day what their reactions would have been—I supposed I had to call it “coming out” as much as part of me cringed from the definition—but assumptions andknowingwere two very different things, especially when it came to potentially life-shattering revelations.
Dad was emotional too. He grabbed my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. “We mean that. We love you.”
The tears threatened to spill over at any second.Why am I getting so emotional?
Because a lot of people don’t get this,I acknowledged.You’re incredibly lucky.
“As if that was ever in question,” Mom said firmly.
She was so matter-of-fact about it that I had to laugh, even as I fought the urge to cry.
“I love you both too,” I said.
Despite my mom alluding to them not always being the best parents, they had managed to handle the conversation perfectly. They were good like that. They might be messes on a personal level, but when it came to hard things like navigating a divorce and children coming out, they had that part down pat. Warmthbloomed in my chest. My parents weren’t perfect. They’d always been a mess. They would likely always be a mess. But for a moment, we were the picture of a perfect family. They’d gone out of their way to be proud of me and love me. And they would always be my home.
Chapter 25
Rumor Mill
Afew days later, my parents took me back to Redmond University. As we drove, I thought about the past few weeks. My dad had spent significantly more time around the house this year than any other year since my parents’ divorce. I was still aggressively curious about this new development, but anytime I broached the subject with my mom, she told me to mind my own business.
So I had, watching mystified as my parents got along. It was like spotting Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, except instead of the mythical creatures fleeing from sight, they just hung around and offered me a cup of coffee. It simply wasn’t how the world worked. Fictional creatures didn’t suddenly appear and try to befriend you. Parents fell out of love. They didn’t suddenly become friends.
But I couldn’t devote too much time to these thoughts. Grey had been radio silent ever since I’d told him about coming out to my parents. He’d initially sent me a message telling me he was proud of me, but then he stopped responding. At first, I tried to tell myself he probably wasn’t by his phone. Then, as the week wore on and I went through the motions of getting ready to goback to school as I got no response, I began to feel like something had gone terribly wrong.
I chewed on my lip as my mom’s car pulled to a stop in front of the school.What if he’s no longer interested in me? What if all his words were superficial, and his feelings couldn’t even last a four-week break? Is what we have so fragile?Maybe he had viewed me coming out to my parents as me making “us” too real, and now he was done. I had been so sure of everything during the conversation with my parents. Now, nothing but uncertainty remained.
“Ethan,” Dad said in a tone that told me this wasn’t his first time calling my name.
I jerked back to the present. “Sorry. Guess I zoned out.”
“Everything okay?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, great.” One thing was certain. I wasnotabout to tell my parents that the boy I’d just told them about had decided to stop responding to my texts half a second after I’d told them about him. “Love you guys. I’ll see you at the end of the semester.”
They both looked like they wanted to press further, but I could see their usual internal battle behind their eyes. It was as if I could read their thoughts.Is this something he needs our help with, or is this something he needs space to figure out?
Thankfully, they decided on giving me space and wished me a good spring semester. I collected my things and waved them off, my pulse jumping the moment my feet met campus ground. I’d been anticipating this day for weeks. It wasn’t until my parents were out of sight that I wheeled around and headed for my apartment. I needed to get rid of my stuff so I could go to Grey. Now that I was back on campus, every second that passed without him grew more painful.
Apparently,I was the first one back to the apartment. Kellan and Josh were nowhere to be seen in the living room or kitchen, and the lack of noise or general mess told me that they hadn’t settled in yet. Lugging my stuff into my room, I quickly tossed it on my bed. I was about to head out, to make a beeline straight for Grey’s place, but then I froze, suddenly struck by insecurity.
Should I call him first?He might not be home.
Would calling him be weird?He hadn’t so much as responded to a text in days—despite me breaking my own rule to never double text. Maybe I should bite the bullet and send him another one to see if he was back on campus. My mind flitted to the agonizing hours of waiting for him to respond over the past few days before giving up. I didn’t want to endure that again. I didn’t know if Icouldhandle that with the possibility of him being so close.
I pulled my phone from my pocket with a huff.Why am I making this harder than it needs to be?I would send him a text to see if he was on campus yet. If he responded, I would go over there. If he didn’t, I would wait a bit before going over. I needed to talk with him, to get answers as to what had changed and why he’d decided he didn’t want to talk over phone anymore.
Hey, just got back to campus. You make it back yet?
I sent the text off without allowing myself to overthink it any further and threw my phone onto the bed. I’d found it was the best way to keep myself from obsessing over whether or not he was typing a response. I would check my phone in ten minutes to see if he’d messaged me back. In the meantime, I should unpack. Keeping my hands busy was the only way to stick to my ten-minute commitment.
Unpacking only took eight. I knew I traveled light when I went home for the holidays, but I hadn’t thought I’d packedthislight. I glanced at my phone where it lay on the bed.Checking it a few minutes early wouldn’t hurt, right?
No!I almost shouted out loud.He’s been ghosting you for days. You’re not about to cave this easily.
I caved and scurried to my phone. Nothing. I slumped onto my bed. I should have expected as much, given the past few days, but it still stung.What did I do to make him not want to talk to me?I ran through the memories of everything I’d said to him since we’d left for break. Nothing came to mind as something obviously stupid enough to deserve this treatment.
