It was hard to admit.
Beth reached around and brushed my hair behind my ears. I tried not to get upset.
“She told me to promise I would keep the letter forever, and I took that literally. I’m afraid if I don’t see her again, I won’t get the closure I’m desperately seeking. I want to understand. Until I do, I’m afraid I’ll never be free from this tightening in my chest. It reminds me every single day that she was real.”
“Turn around,” she whispered.
I swivelled, almost knocking the glass off the counter as I steadied myself. My eyes glazed over, but I was trying desperately not to let thetears fall.
“What is it you have a hard time understanding?” Beth asked softly.
That was easy.
“Why wasn’t I enough?”
*
Chaos Kitchen was exactly as the name suggested—chaotic.
The vibrant decor brought it to life. The wide range of restaurants on offer made it extremely difficult to know where Brooke was situated. The smell of food overwhelmed my senses. They had everything on offer from beef ramen, to teppanyaki, and my favourite, deep-fried kushikatsu; the combination of skewered meat and seasoned vegetables was second to none.
The tight alleyway packed with an array of food stands reminded me of the food hall at Camden Market, but it was indoors and more extravagant. Each restaurant had its own unique theme, and the neon signs and reflective decor seemed to be a winning aesthetic.
I roamed the area with no idea where to go. The place was bigger than I’d anticipated. I stumbled upon a corner dedicated to unusual foods; when I saw fried insects on the menu I turned back immediately. I didn’t sign up for the Japanese version ofI’m a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!I couldn’t imagine Brooke would have either; that section of the food court could go safely untouched.
“Please, madam, try?” A middle-aged woman stood at the entrance to a small eatery with high wooden bar stools. She held out a platter filled with gyoza—my favourite.
“We do the best pan-fried dumplings. Please, try one.” I obliged even though I was so nervousI felt sick.
“Thank you so much.”
She wasn’t lying; the taste left my mouth crying out for more. “They’redelicious.”
“Of course. Would you like to dine with us?”She smiled.
“I’m meeting someone, but I willcome back.”
“Have a nice day.” She nodded. The interaction easedmy anxiety.
The place was full of so many dead ends and unexpected angles that I quickly felt disorientated. As I made my way around, I looked in each restaurant and perused the menus one at a time. I made a mental note to return to a place called Izakaya Masaka, mainly due to the smell of fried mushrooms. A customer left with a parting message, “Try the mock karaage in sweet and sour flavour; you’ll not be disappointed”—I made a notein my phone.
I felt like I was going in circles. I had no end destination, no sign to look out for, no inkling where Brooke might be. There were five thousand heavily occupied eateries. I rounded another corner; a silver sign that readSake Barcaught my eye.
There were numerous Japanese symbols I didn’t understand, so I was grateful for the English translations on most of the signs. I tried to recall what Beth told me about sake. It was an alcoholic beverage, that much I knew. It had something to do with rice and fermenting, the details didn’t matter all that much. I liked the aesthetic of the bar, it was dark in decor with a wooden element; the barstools looked comfortable, unlike the harder wooden ones in the other bars. It was busy, which I thought was a good sign. I scanned the menu and decided to take a seat. I figured walking around aimlessly wasn’t helping, so sitting on a perch with a decent view of my surroundings made me feel more at ease, and a drink couldn’t hurt.
My head was buried deep in the menu when I felt a presence to my left. I didn’t look up right away, but I could see their legs and a pair of black Converse in my peripheral vision.
“Hi there. Welcome to Sake Bar, will you be having a drink with us today?” It was an odd thing to say in a bar. What else would I be doing other than having a drink? But it wasn’t the words I found the most disconcerting, it was thevoice.
I would’ve recognised that voice anywhere. If I was submerged in water one thousand miles away from that bar, I would’ve recognised that sweet raspy voice. I couldn’t look up immediately. My body was stiff. I was frozen in place.
Was this really happening?
I didn’t respond; I just turned my head, and as I did Brooke glanced up from her notepad and looked me deadin the eye.
“Oh, hi.”
“Hi.” I gulped.
