“Oooh, yeah, I saw the video. It’s all over the internet,” Dani breathes. “You really thought he was dead? It wasn’t fake for views?”
My smile is plastered on my face. “It was a surprise. A wonderful, surprising surprise.”
McCarthy’s winding up to say something derisive and offensive. It’s not even seven thirty in the morning, and I’m ready to throw him off a bridge.
“Give me a hit, Dani. It’s going to be a long one.”
Dani shakes the container of yellow and pink sprinkles at me and tips them out in a line on the counter.
“That’s the stuff.” I plug one nostril then snort the line of sprinkles.
“No, no, no, what the fuck?” McCarthy grabs my chin. “What in God’s name is wrong with you?”
I open my mouth, and all the sprinkles are there, sitting on my tongue.
His handsome face screws up in horror, and he releases me with a shove.
“It’s a fun party trick!”
“No, no, it’s not fun. This is horrible.”
“Give me another hit, Dani.” I rub my nose.
“Absolutely not.” McCarthy takes the heavy bags of doughnuts in one hand and grabs my upper arm with the other. “Why did you… Why are you—” he sputters as he herds me out onto the sidewalk. “How do you even know how to do that?”
“Someone has to be the icebreaker in social situations.” I let him drag me to the car, since he seems out of sorts. Itake out my doughnut and rip off a big bite, which I chew as we pull into traffic.
“Speaking of… we’re going to be planning some social engagements for your employees. It’s company bonding. I checked with Isaac, and he said that there aren’t any company events, so we’re planning a picnic.”
McCarthy is still visibly disgusted by the sprinkles. “What if they’re still lodged in your nose?”
“Focus! Have a doughnut. You sound cranky and hungry.”
We make good time to the office.
“Your employees will love this! Everyone likes a picnic! And we’re going to have an office-wide scavenger hunt. Oh! And you should make the space more collaborative. Your office environment is sad and stale. You need perks! Social opportunities.”
He sets the doughnuts on the table I asked Isaac to put out in the lobby.
“People like you,” McCarthy says flatly, “are the reason no one wants to work in an office.”
RDC employees are already starting to congregate around the table.
“Everyone wants to work in an office. You can’t just sit at home and work by yourself. I mean, how does anyone get anything done if they can’t collaborate?”
“Fine,” McCarthy says, “then you be the one to tell them the good news.”
I grab the presentation clicker.
Isaac is messing with the giant TV on one wall of the atrium lobby, on which hundreds of RDC employees have joined in over Zoom.
“Welcome, everyone! Grab a doughnut and settle in.”
Beside me, McCarthy has his arms crossed.
“I’m sure you’ve seen the news that were making a few changes around here.”
McCarthy’s employees look at me blankly. One woman is wearing an oversized unicorn onesie. A man, wearing shorts, flip-flops, and a stained hoodie, has co-opted an entire box of doughnuts and is taking a single bite out of each one.
