“Maybe I was too hasty. Am I really ready to throw away the last three years? Maybe there is a reasonable explanation. I was a bad fiancée. I neglected poor Nathan. He had to look elsewhere to get his needs met.”
Beside me, Hannah is screaming silently into her seafood linguini.
“He always said I was working too much. This is all my fault.”
Hannah grabs my phone before I can text Nathan a long-winded, drunken apology.
“Nathan saying he wants to keep fucking you while his affair partner grows their unborn child isn’t love…”
“He says he still wants to take care of me,” I argue. “I know I sound crazy, but maybe I’m not ready to declare this relationship a failure.”
My friend knocks back the rest of her wine then turns to me. “Look. I’m just going to say it, and I’m not tryingto be offensive or anything, but… you have daddy issues. And yes, we all have shit we’re dealing with, but when the ghosts of the men who harmed you in your childhood start popping up in your present to drain your bank account and your self-respect, maybe it’s time to call the Ghostbusters and plasma their behinds.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with my dad running off or all my mother’s flaky-to-creepy boyfriends. This is a rough patch, is all. Nathan and I will get through it.” I sound delusional. “Because that’s what being in a relationship is.”
Hannah looks at me, hand over her mouth, for a long moment. “Fine. I’ll be here waiting with cheesecake and a fire extinguisher when this inevitably blows up.”
I cringe when my phone goes off.
Granny Mavis:Can you make me a cast of his dick?
Granny Mavis:That hot hunk of raw meat you brought earlier, in case you’re confused.
Granny Mavis:Not Nathan.
“Why doesn’t anyone like Nathan?” I wail, fumbling for a Kleenex. “We were doomed from the start.”
“Um… your friends and family not being supportive of you is not the problem here.” Hannah is blunt and drunk. “You have terrible taste in men.”
I scarf down some pepperoni pizza, trying to fill the hole inside of me.
Hannah softens. “My roommate and her boyfriend aren’t fighting right now, so you can sleep on the couch for a couple weeks at least.”
“No, I’ll stay with Nathan.”
“Girl…”
I wipe at my eyes with a pepperoni-grease-covered napkin.
“Respect yourself. Dump him, and take McCarthy and his brother as fiancés number four and five.”
“What? No.”
Hannah waggles her eyebrows.
“I’m going to hell.” I groan. “I cannot believe I said that to him.” I empty the bottle of wine into my cup. “You read too much fan fiction. McCarthy is never happening. I’ll get back together with Nathan first.”
“You were writing fan fiction in between writing your thesis!” Hannah shouts. “And that Harry Potter slash fic epic was way better than your thesis. I will die believing that. And more people read it than your thesis.”
My phone goes off again. If I had any disposable income, I’d throw it at the wall.
“Oooh! Speak of the handsome devil!” Hannah squeals. “It’s your sexy client.”
I snatch the phone.
McCarthy:I’m right, aren’t I?
I delete the message.
