Ellie:Let me know when you’re on your way, and I’ll see you then
This time when I set my phone down, I’m genuinely giggling and kicking my feet as my tears dry up. Maybe hope isn’t monumentally stupid after all.
Chapter 42
Griffin
May, Age 21
This is a huge mistake. But the second that group chat popped up, I knew it’d be impossiblenotto talk to her. I wasn’t lying when I said I miss her so much it hurts. I walk around with a metaphorical limp, heart never having fully healed from being shattered two summers ago.
Inhaling a shaky breath when I park my truck in front of her house, my equally shaky hands text her to let her know I’m here. When she walks out of the front door, I can’t tell if my chest is trying to explode or implode–all I know is this girl is going to unravel me until my last breath.
My eyes try to soak in every detail, from the red tank top and cutoffs, to the high ponytail and the bangs framing her face–she has bangs now–to the quirky swing that hasn’t left her step. It’s like no time has passed and I’m eighteen again, picking my girlfriend up for a casual summer Tuesday. God, I wish that were true.
She opens the door and hops up into the passenger seat, slowly and carefully buckling her seatbelt before finally,finallylooking at me. My stomach bottoms out as my eyes meet the bright blue ones I’ve dreamed about every day since I last looked into them.
Without a second thought, I grab her face and pull her in, kissing her fiercely. My lips move against hers, andGod I’ve forgotten how soft they are.I pull back, my breath ragged as I search her face for any sign of what she’s feeling.
“Griffin…” she whispers softly, a single tear running down her cheek.
“I know, darlin,” I whisper back, reaching up to swipe it away. “I just couldn’t help myself.”
Looking so sad and guilty that it breaks my heart all over again, she reaches up to stroke my cheek before leaning in to place a soft kiss on my mouth.
After staring at each other in utter silence for what feels like an eternity, I tear my gaze away and put the truck in drive, heading down the street without another word. Muscle memory takes me to the lake, my stomach clenching at the memory of the first time she saidI love youon this exact trail. We step out of the truck without a word, walking down the path as if pulled by a magnet, straight to the bench that will always be ours. We spent so many summer evenings at the spot where we began. I never thought we’d end up here again.
Eleanor stares at the folded hands in her lap, knuckles white from gripping them tightly. I reach over and pry them apart, taking one in my hand and rubbing gentle circles on the soft skin. Despite the front she puts on, everything about her has always been soft–even the snark and stubbornness and wit. Not soft in a weak way, but the kind of sweet softness that starts in the heart and radiates outward.
She’s her own harshest critic, and looking at the turmoil on her face right now, I wish I could pick every negative thought out of her brain and replace them with the thoughts I have of her.
You’re the most wonderful girl I’ve ever met.
Everyone you meet is better for having known you.
You didn’t hurt anyone on purpose, we know that.
I still love you.
I’ll always love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
She squeezes my hand in response, laying her head on my shoulder without looking at me. I kiss the top of her head gently, reaching up to smooth her hair after.
“Why’d you wanna see me, Griffin? I’ve been nothing but awful to you.”
“That’s not true, darlin’,” I murmur against her hair, kissing her again. “When I called you earlier this year, you were ready to jump right into whatever mess I’d cooked up for myself.”
“It’s the least I could do,” she whispers, and I feel a wet spot on my arm as a stream of tears runs down her cheek and drips off her chin. “I owed you that much.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I say, tilting her chin up so she’s forced to look at me. “I have nothing but love for you in my heart. No grudge, no resentment, no anger. Just love.”
“But you shouldn’t,” she says through gritted teeth, furiously wiping the tears from her face. “Youshouldhold it against me, Griffin. I was a coward, and I hurt you, and I’m as selfish as I ever was.”
“You’re not selfish, Eleanor, you’re human.”
“Yeah, an awful one,” she says with a bitter laugh. “Even now, I’m pissed at you fornotbeing pissed. I wish you’d yell at me, or hurt me back. That’s so much easier than this.”
